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Clips from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - Hell Hath Fury (S01E01)

"Maggots? Maggots.

""Maggots? Maggots."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I hope you're sitting un-comfortably,

"I hope you're sitting un-comfortably,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer.

"I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Mine is being able to write, produce, direct, act, paint...

"Mine is being able to write, produce, direct, act, paint..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Still, so much for possibilite - French for possibilities.

"Still, so much for possibilite - French for possibilities."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Tonight, I take no small amount of pleasure

"Tonight, I take no small amount of pleasure"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

what still points the way forward for humanity.

"what still points the way forward for humanity."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'You are entering my Darkplace.'

"'You are entering my Darkplace.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplace, Darkplace, Darkplace

"Darkplace, Darkplace, Darkplace"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Sanch) Yes, yes, of course I have.

"(Sanch) Yes, yes, of course I have."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

No problem - first days can be a real pain in the ass.

"No problem - first days can be a real pain in the ass."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Do you know what's going on?

"Do you know what's going on?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

No. I mean... yes. I deserved that.

"No. I mean... yes. I deserved that."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

But nothing. Women like you are the reason the chicken's late in the first place.

"But nothing. Women like you are the reason the chicken's late in the first place."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Chef) Goddamn son of a bitch. This is great chicken, getting nothing but flak.

"(Chef) Goddamn son of a bitch. This is great chicken, getting nothing but flak."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If I had to call myself anything, and I hate labels, I'd say imaginer.

"If I had to call myself anything, and I hate labels, I'd say imaginer."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

There are rebels and there are innovators.

"There are rebels and there are innovators."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

who's in rebelliance against conventional logic, the world order.

"who's in rebelliance against conventional logic, the world order."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Guy's got a fork through his kernel.

"Guy's got a fork through his kernel."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

He's gonna make it - just, but the chicken's off.

"He's gonna make it - just, but the chicken's off."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

That's a shame, I was looking forward to the chicken.

"That's a shame, I was looking forward to the chicken."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

you guys and the temp can search the wards,

"you guys and the temp can search the wards,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

He wouldn't run if his ass was on fire.

"He wouldn't run if his ass was on fire."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

stuck in a mouldy old office with just a moody woman for company.

"stuck in a mouldy old office with just a moody woman for company."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

All of us have untapped potential.

"All of us have untapped potential."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

We've got the full backing of the Army. We've already got a child who's very intuitive.

"We've got the full backing of the Army. We've already got a child who's very intuitive."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

but with that power must come responsibility.

"but with that power must come responsibility."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I haven't seen him eat anything today and it's 1 p.m. now so...

"I haven't seen him eat anything today and it's 1 p.m. now so..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Flying objects? It beggars belief.

"Flying objects? It beggars belief."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Rick) Exactly.

"(Rick) Exactly."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Guy probably came down, got lost, went mad,

"Guy probably came down, got lost, went mad,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Come on, there's nothing we can do for him.

"Come on, there's nothing we can do for him."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Keep close, these tunnels are really long and curving.

"Keep close, these tunnels are really long and curving."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

HISSING

"HISSING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Of course!

"Of course!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I've got two words for you, Sanch - telekinesis.

"I've got two words for you, Sanch - telekinesis."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I'm fine, but I'm having to tread on eggshells vis-a-vis Liz.

"I'm fine, but I'm having to tread on eggshells vis-a-vis Liz."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

She's got a face like the proverbial. I think it's her time.

"She's got a face like the proverbial. I think it's her time."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

No-one gave me time off when I had troubles in a similar area.

"No-one gave me time off when I had troubles in a similar area."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Ungh!

"Ungh!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- It's the phone. - Reed!

"- It's the phone. - Reed!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

LP519? This is Dagless, I repeat, this is Dagless. It's ringing.

"LP519? This is Dagless, I repeat, this is Dagless. It's ringing."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I just hope Dagless makes it up here in time.

"I just hope Dagless makes it up here in time."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Jim, in here, quick.

"Jim, in here, quick."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Aaaaagh!

"Aaaaagh!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

No!

"No!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Sanch) 'You again, you bastard.'

"(Sanch) 'You again, you bastard.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'What the?'

"'What the?'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

And then you add to that the supernatural element.

"And then you add to that the supernatural element."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

An eagle-eyed viewer might see the wires.

"An eagle-eyed viewer might see the wires."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

A pedant might see the wires,

"A pedant might see the wires,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

but if you're looking at wires,

"but if you're looking at wires,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If you go to a puppet show, you can see the wires,

"If you go to a puppet show, you can see the wires,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I think I can take them.

"I think I can take them."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Hello, Dr Rick Dagless speaking, how may I help you? ...Bye.

"Hello, Dr Rick Dagless speaking, how may I help you? ...Bye."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

That was Jim. He said Liz is the source of the telekinetic activity.

"That was Jim. He said Liz is the source of the telekinetic activity."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

He added that I should hot-tail it up there, which means going back to where we started.

"He added that I should hot-tail it up there, which means going back to where we started."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

There's a lot of slow motion. The episodes were running up to eight minutes under.

"There's a lot of slow motion. The episodes were running up to eight minutes under."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'I ran the only way I knew how, by placing one leg in front of the other in quick succession.

"'I ran the only way I knew how, by placing one leg in front of the other in quick succession."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- 'What would she throw at us next?' - In God's name...

"- 'What would she throw at us next?' - In God's name..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'As I rounded the corner, I felt muscular and compact, like corned beef.

"'As I rounded the corner, I felt muscular and compact, like corned beef."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'Lf only there was a foundation to harness kids' psychokinetic powers.

"'Lf only there was a foundation to harness kids' psychokinetic powers."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Argh-argh-argh!

"Argh-argh-argh!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

HEARTBEATS

"HEARTBEATS"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I'm sorry I busted your balls.

"I'm sorry I busted your balls."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I wouldn't have had it any other way.

"I wouldn't have had it any other way."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- It's a dependent territory. - What's that?

"- It's a dependent territory. - What's that?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

The Queen appoints a governor, but she's still de facto sovereign.

"The Queen appoints a governor, but she's still de facto sovereign."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

We had so much to teach each other.

"We had so much to teach each other."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and as I say, I'm gonna miss your balls.

"and as I say, I'm gonna miss your balls."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I...

"I..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Under the circumstances, it's the least she can do.

"Under the circumstances, it's the least she can do."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

SILENT

"SILENT"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- Yes, Liz? - Thanks for the lobotomy.

"- Yes, Liz? - Thanks for the lobotomy."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I guess being told I couldn't get a chicken supper was the last straw.

"I guess being told I couldn't get a chicken supper was the last straw."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Buns?

"Buns?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

So ends a chapter in a book I fear has yet to close. Right, Dag?

"So ends a chapter in a book I fear has yet to close. Right, Dag?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

It's not that. I guess I liked the kid. Reminded me of me at that age.

"It's not that. I guess I liked the kid. Reminded me of me at that age."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I'm sure if he'd had any breath left in his body,

"I'm sure if he'd had any breath left in his body,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

he'd have used it to thank you.

"he'd have used it to thank you."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Come on, Dag, what say I buy us all a drink down The Drip.

"Come on, Dag, what say I buy us all a drink down The Drip."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

As long as it's not a screwdriver!

"As long as it's not a screwdriver!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Oh, yes!)

"(Oh, yes!)"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'forgetting to acknowledge them in front of one's friends,

"'forgetting to acknowledge them in front of one's friends,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'I'd have to try and change.

"'I'd have to try and change."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"Mike stared in disbelief as his hands fell off.

""Mike stared in disbelief as his hands fell off."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"From them rose millions of tiny maggots.

""From them rose millions of tiny maggots."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"Maggots, maggots, maggots.

""Maggots, maggots, maggots."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"Maggots. All over the floor of the Post Office in Leytonstone."

""Maggots. All over the floor of the Post Office in Leytonstone.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Greetings, friend.

"Greetings, friend."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Everyone has a special talent.

"Everyone has a special talent."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Other people are good plumbers, that's their gift.

"Other people are good plumbers, that's their gift."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

When I wrote, directed and starred in Darkplace back in the 1980s,

"When I wrote, directed and starred in Darkplace back in the 1980s,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

television was up cack alley

"television was up cack alley"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

This show could have changed the world.

"This show could have changed the world."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

But they cancelled it for a re-run of Who's The Boss?

"But they cancelled it for a re-run of Who's The Boss?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I portended that by 2040, the world would see its first female mechanic.

"I portended that by 2040, the world would see its first female mechanic."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Who knows, she might even do a decent job. I wish her the very best.

"Who knows, she might even do a decent job. I wish her the very best."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

in bringing you this forgotten episode of Darkplace,

"in bringing you this forgotten episode of Darkplace,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

with interviews from my publisher, Dean Learner,

"with interviews from my publisher, Dean Learner,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Take this gift, sit back and enjoy

"Take this gift, sit back and enjoy"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and extrasensory perceptive telepathic psychokinetic powers.

"and extrasensory perceptive telepathic psychokinetic powers."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplace, Darkplace

"Darkplace, Darkplace"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Darkplacel

"Darkplacel"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Sanch) It's always the same.

"(Sanch) It's always the same."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Rick) Have you ordered chicken?

"(Rick) Have you ordered chicken?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

How long is it going to take the so-called chef to cook this chicken?

"How long is it going to take the so-called chef to cook this chicken?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Sorry, I'm not really this bad-tempered. I'm just really peckish.

"Sorry, I'm not really this bad-tempered. I'm just really peckish."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

What's going on with that chicken? >

"What's going on with that chicken? >"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Five more minutes.

"Five more minutes."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- The word is it'll be five minutes. - I'll believe that when I see it.

"- The word is it'll be five minutes. - I'll believe that when I see it."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I've not got time to shoot the shit.

"I've not got time to shoot the shit."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Why don't you and your new boyfriend bring me some chicken?

"Why don't you and your new boyfriend bring me some chicken?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Where's this flipping chicken?

"Where's this flipping chicken?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Who said that?

"Who said that?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- Was it you, missy? I said five minutes. - But...

"- Was it you, missy? I said five minutes. - But..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"When's the chicken?" The chicken's ready when I say it's ready.

""When's the chicken?" The chicken's ready when I say it's ready."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Don't know why I'm cooking, I'm so angry. Seasoning - what do I need?

"Don't know why I'm cooking, I'm so angry. Seasoning - what do I need?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

The show is about rebelliance.

"The show is about rebelliance."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'My name is Dr Rick Dagless, MD.

"'My name is Dr Rick Dagless, MD."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

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