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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015) - Kimmy Bites an Onion! (S03E03)

"Is it okay if I say "bunker," Kimmy?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Bunker!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"In light of that,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"because Attack of the Clones was such a turd."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Someday, I'll laugh about all this."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No. Too soon."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to keep the party tunes coming."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-Bring a bathing suit. -Mm."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The best gravlax is served inside a sauna."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Hey, listen, why don't you use your money"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to skip the line, get a new heart?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"than a kid with a bad valve"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Number one killer of Desirees."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, what if we get to Sweden, and this heart machine"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"needs a different plug?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What if you die during sex"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and I'm trapped there on top of you?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Lillian, you spent 40 years stuck in the past."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Now you're torturing yourself about the future."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You don't control what time I live in."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"All I have is now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Be with me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Now buy a heart, 'cause I'm not gonna hang around"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"just to watch you die."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm not gonna buy a heart."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Uh-uh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Dick Cheney cut the line."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Maybe I should have fallen in love with him."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"so there's your first-date small talk right there."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"They have gnomes there. I'm gonna touch a gnome."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
""'Cause I live in the future.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'd like to open a bank account because of money."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'll need to see a valid ID."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You take birth control pills?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Just the sugar weeks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Ah! Look at me!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"in front of Mikey, but now I'm a $15,000-aire"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"while enjoying a bank lollipop."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No, Titus. Not like that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You're not gonna impress anyone dressed like"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Charles Barkley got tangled up in an old lady's clothesline."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Don't you have your own mess to figure out?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Or did that career test tell you to be a less-hot Don Rickles?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I don't know, Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And now we have to go shopping."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You don't tell me how to use you!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, college was a waste of time."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What do I need to learn Mandarin for?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I don't want to go to Mandar."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What I want is to help people."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And you don't need a degree for that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I mean, look at dogs: they help the blind"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and people who pretend to be nervous on planes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"They never went to Ruff-gers University"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"or Boston Collie or UC Bark-ley"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's all just random and terrible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"- Mm! -"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And crossing guards do real good in the real world."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Getting kids safely to school, calling drivers "pal,""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Who puts their mittens on first?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What are the odds?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Debra Winger."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"this is Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Titus, this is Andrew."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Where are my manners? I'm Mikey Politano."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Weird, you look just like that guy"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Mikey was going upstate with."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But all white guys look the same to me,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Wow. Three sugar weeks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, good for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I am very serious with my boyfriend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"We've been to condominiums and such."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"--Titus. We've got to get to the blimp."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Gayle and Oprah are flying us out"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"for lunch with Kim and Kanye and Tom and Gisele."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And... Jackée."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Yeah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, yeah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"We're going on a Mets opening day party cruise."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Three hours cruising from Flushing Bay to Citi Field."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's gonna be epic!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"We were calling WFAN for weeks trying to win tickets,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"but luckily, Andrew's got unlimited minutes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Unlimited?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"For both of you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"because Titus is performing at that event."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The peacock is our gift to you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I-I have too many."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, you're gonna have to pass the test."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-Follow me. -Oh, boy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm not great at tests."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Supposably, I have emotional intelligence--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"or a Transformer."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"C, boats, D, Tallahassee?""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Question 1,000: "I want to be a Crossing Guard to..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"A, be the boss of cars,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"C, meet potential lovers,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, I don't know... psych!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Cuban cigars, a watchable Superman movie."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I don't."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"That's perfect."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Jacqueline!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What a surprise!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Doug..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"my dog masseuse turned turntables turner."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-How are things? -Not good."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"My beats were diagnosed with renal failure"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"because they are sick!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Wonderful."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, this is my friend Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Maybe if you get a little bigger, he could play one of your shows."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"That's why he's so sweaty."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Toight."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"How about a little sample?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I've got a hot slot in the schedule before Keith Hernandez tries stand-up--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, I've got to take this."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's the Giants' off-season party bus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No! I want Titus!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Whatever he normally gets, I'll pay double."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
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