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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer Scissorhands (S22E22)

"And it'll look good in the morning, too."
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"Are you sure you don't have a salon?"
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"when I'm drunk, but I don't think so."
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"Too bad."
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"I'd rather call you by your normal name, if that's okay."
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"But I never knew you were so good with hair."
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"Marge, when someone loses their hair, they miss it the most."
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"It's like a beloved dog that died on your head."
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"You better not be brushing your hair again."
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"Uh, uh, no, I'm, uh..."
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"just exploring my body."
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"Oh, hair."
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"I'll love you when you're old and gray."
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"Huh?"
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"Well, two can play at that game."
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"Now that my soft, chestnut mane is gone,"
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"I dream of cutting hair, styling hair,"
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"Maybe I should open a hair salon."
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"right after they laid off all their editors."
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"Yeah."
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"But what if I can't find any commercial rental property?"
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"I really thought people would like to harvest their own honey."
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"Oh, how they hated it."
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"Attention, lovers of love."
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"Let it be known by all:"
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"Lisa Simpson is the smartest, sweetest,"
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"most perfectest girl in the whole world,"
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"and I shall not rest until I am her boyfriend."
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"I know you like music, Lisa, so I'm gonna perform a love song"
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"I wrote... for you."
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"♪ Teacher said, don't eat the paste ♪"
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"♪ 'Tis apt to make you spew ♪"
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"♪ I ate the paste, and liked the taste ♪"
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"to use the word "spew" in a love song."
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"♪ Lisa, Lisa, maid so fair ♪"
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"♪ With crimson dress and pointy hair ♪"
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"♪ Do you mind if I stop and stare ♪"
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"♪ Look in your mind and I'm there. ♪"
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"Yeesh... Ew...."
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"So, Lisa, I love you."
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"Is that love "requited" or "un"?"
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"I'm sorry, but I don't love you, Milhouse, and I never will."
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"I thought that was beautiful."
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"You did?"
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"Yeah. It was romantic and it rhymed."
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"Well, I used a rhyming dictionary,"
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"but it only gives you options."
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"I'm Taffy."
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"Would you like to help me roll the theremin"
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"back to the A.V. closet?"
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"It's a date."
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"Hm! That theremin has paid for itself again and again."
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"All day long, Apu goes on about Lady Gaga,"
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"who is doing nothing that Rava Khatan was not doing"
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"20 years ago, while she was a member of Parliament."
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"Oh, now, how could someone as young as you"
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"know about 20 years ago?"
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"Oh!"
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"Funny how my Timothy always uses the short-form baptism"
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"when there's a basketball game he wants to watch..."
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"The worst know-it-all! I can't--"
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"Wears the same pants for a month!"
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"Homie, are you even listening to me?"
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"Because I have so much to tell you:"
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"The mailman did the other side of the street"
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"before our side."
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"Turns out it was a substitute."
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"I'm sorry, honey."
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"All day long I have to listen to women talk."
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"Not a good time!"
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"Oh. Usually, Milhouse does it."
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"Hey, guys."
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"Uh, Lisa, you dropped your books."
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"When you pick 'em up,"
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"You know so much about body mechanics!"
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"This dame is really into you!"
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"She sure is."
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"This morning I got to second base..."
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"on our walk around the softball diamond."
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"Why would a popular fifth-grader like Taffy be"
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"interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?"
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"I dunno. It's one of those mysteries,"
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"like how do my clothes get clean and put back in my drawers?"
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"Well, I'm gonna find out why, because this is..."
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"Knees, Lisa! Knees!"
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"Mm-hmm. Oh, yes, right."
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"I know Kirk resents that the dog likes me more,"
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"but Rex is just establishing dominance over the weaker male."
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"That's what miniature dachshunds do."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Men are such dogs, and vice versa."
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"Is there anyone in here that just wants"
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"a haircut with no chitchat?"
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"No, not me. No."
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"Hey, I don't want a conversation."
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"Oh?! I just want you to listen"
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"while I talk about the loser I'm married to."
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"These are really good scissors."
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"All day long, they tell me stupid, pointless,"
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"with a phony grin plastered on my face."
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"Uh-huh."
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"You can forget everything they said."
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"all I see are the foibles that drive your women crazy!"
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"Calm down there, Homer."
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"What got into him?"
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"The freaky ad campaign they're running."
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"Homer, can you make me look fan-cy?"
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"Sorry, Sarah, I'm retired."
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"But tonight's the Policemen's Ball!"
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"And if you let my Sarah down,"
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"I can make life very difficult for you."
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"I'd like to see you try."
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"Come on! Would you...? No, no."
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"Oh, buh!"
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"I, uh, I can also make very annoying noises."
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"Come on, bro, don't hassle me!"
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"Okay, okay, you win."
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"I'll teach you how to make love to your wife!"
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"What? No! Just cut her hair!"
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"Right."
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