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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

"...I think she used to screw, ick, Nikolai Jakov, the head of the KGB."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, I got my fake documents, plenty of cash, so the crossing should be a breeze."
Archer (2009)
"- Like, just, just now? - Yep."
Archer (2009)
"Which, judging by your response, I, uh, assume it's not, so, uh..."
Archer (2009)
"What an asshole."
Archer (2009)
"What are you talking about?"
Archer (2009)
"Zip it, LaMotta. And even if I did know what you're talking about..."
Archer (2009)
"Get your bloated carcass in here."
Archer (2009)
"Have you been going through my desk?"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Huh? - B, sometimes I work late..."
Archer (2009)
"Then I put whipped cream all over everything."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, shit, really? - Yo, ew!"
Archer (2009)
"Talking about the whipped-cream incident?"
Archer (2009)
"And what in God's name do you people want?"
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, guess who that is. - Really?"
Archer (2009)
"You're still together?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, I'm sorry, ex-fiancée. That's what I meant to say."
Archer (2009)
"- Well, then it wasn't meant to be. - Ha-ha-ha."
Archer (2009)
"...before he does any damage. Or more damage."
Archer (2009)
"I'll do it on one condition."
Archer (2009)
"- You did once. - By accident. Mostly."
Archer (2009)
"And you were about to when you thought it would get you my job."
Archer (2009)
"Who is, in fact, sitting right here."
Archer (2009)
"So you wanna do it on the desk or...?"
Archer (2009)
"Sterling's already in Moscow?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, so I hear."
Archer (2009)
"Sterling's probably being tortured as we speak."
Archer (2009)
"Which is, uh, pretty rare for me. Hi."
Archer (2009)
"[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]"
Archer (2009)
"I think not."
Archer (2009)
"- You're in the KGB? - L... No."
Archer (2009)
"I thought I'd shoot you in the face, smuggle you out in a coffin."
Archer (2009)
"- Lesson one... - Don't "lesson one" me."
Archer (2009)
"Yes, and if you tell anyone, I'll murder you."
Archer (2009)
"JAKOV: You backstabbing, two-timing harlot."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, no, I do not like those odds."
Archer (2009)
"So, what was your plan again? I think I remember thinking it was good."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Wait, l... Nikolai?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, he's going to kill him."
Archer (2009)
"- What? - Nothing."
Archer (2009)
"- What is wrong with you? - Bitch, I got ants all over me."
Archer (2009)
"- Yeah, right. My luck's not that good. MAN: Aah. Ew."
Archer (2009)
"Did I say "good"? I meant "fantastic.""
Archer (2009)
"- Roll it down. - For all of..."
Archer (2009)
"Or earplugs, you idiot."
Archer (2009)
"- You know how bad that is for eardrums? - What?"
Archer (2009)
"Unh. Idiot."
Archer (2009)
"- Ask your mom! - What's that supposed to mean?"
Archer (2009)
"But I think we may have a problem."
Archer (2009)
"Barry, wait, slow down."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Yes."
Archer (2009)
"Even if he is my son, it is too late."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Uh, you could help, you know. - Yeah. So, now, uh, what are we doing?"
Archer (2009)
"Running for our lives, Barry."
Archer (2009)
"- I thought that was fairly obvious. - Yeah, yeah, but up that high thing?"
Archer (2009)
"It's just I'm not super big on heights."
Archer (2009)
"- Which you also ruined. - You ruined my life."
Archer (2009)
"[BOTH GRUNT]"
Archer (2009)
"Archer, let me climb up you."
Archer (2009)
"- Barry. - Please, Archer."
Archer (2009)
"[SCREAMING]"
Archer (2009)
"[BARRY CRASHES]"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, for... Why don't you just go to my house and take all my clothes?"
Archer (2009)
"[MAN SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN]"
Archer (2009)
"What is this, a broken-glass factory?"
Archer (2009)
"- Eh. Nice apartment. - Thank you, comrade."
Archer (2009)
"[IN SINGSONG VOICE] Awkward."
Archer (2009)
"Which is apparently a soldier factory."
Archer (2009)
"Sterling Archer."
Archer (2009)
"[GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS]"
Archer (2009)
"No? Oh, you're more of a lace-up crowd, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"How? How is this happy playtime?"
Archer (2009)
"[SCREAMS]"
Archer (2009)
"Although, I do have 3 pounds of glass in my feet."
Archer (2009)
"So this is how game ends for you."
Archer (2009)
"We will send flowers."
Archer (2009)
"Mother."
Archer (2009)
"- I am sorry, Mr. Archer. - Goddamn it, I'm..."
Archer (2009)
"- I am, if you'd hang on a damn minute. OFFICER: Come on."
Archer (2009)
"[GUNFIRE] [OFFICER SCREAMS]"
Archer (2009)
"- I am KGB. - Oh. Oh."
Archer (2009)
"- Well, then why did you...? - I want to help you escape, Sterling Archer."
Archer (2009)
"But only if you will promise me one thing."
Archer (2009)
"GILLETTE: Not once, not ever, has he volunteered for a dangerous mission."
Archer (2009)
"And now, all of a sudden, he's like, "Let me go"?"
Archer (2009)
"On a night jump in the freezing-ass cold to kill a Finnish double agent? Please."
Archer (2009)
"So I'm like, "Yeah, let Archer go.""
Archer (2009)
"But she's like:"
Archer (2009)
"[MIMICS MALORY] "Ray, it's your mission, and that's final.""
Archer (2009)
"[IN NORMAL VOICE] But why?"
Archer (2009)
"Because, just between us gals and the C-130..."
Archer (2009)
"I know, right?"
Archer (2009)
"I think Archer wanted this mission so he could cross into Russia..."
Archer (2009)
"...because he thinks Jakov might be his father."
Archer (2009)
"Y'all know me, I'm no gossip, but that is some scandalous-ass shit right there."
Archer (2009)
"What? Dukes. Unh!"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Ray?"
Archer (2009)
"Hey, if it's any consolation, you were right. Oh."
Archer (2009)
"And, uh, by the way, try not to be unconscious too long."
Archer (2009)
"It's super bad for you."
Archer (2009)
"Hey, thanks, guys. Just tell my mother I pulled a gun on you, all right?"
Archer (2009)
"This is to share. Look at me. To share."
Archer (2009)
"You nut."
Archer (2009)
"Drive to Saint Pete, grab a latte, then 400 miles to Moscow..."
Archer (2009)
"...putting me there right about the time Nikolai Jakov, head of the KGB..."
Archer (2009)
"...comes home for his borscht, only to find an unexpected dinner guest."
Archer (2009)
"Who may be his son. And for dessert, we will have the truth."
Archer (2009)
"You hear that, Mother?"
Archer (2009)
"After a lifetime of your secrets and lies, we will finally have the truth!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and also, hopefully, shitloads of vodka. Woo-hoo!"
Archer (2009)
"Parachute!"
Archer (2009)
"PILOT [OVER RADIO]: Chief, why's the door still...?"
Archer (2009)
"- Wait, don't tell me he just now jumped. - Yep."
Archer (2009)
"- Yep. - Jesus. He give you the money?"
Archer (2009)
"Nope."
Archer (2009)
"[PILOT SIGHS]"
Archer (2009)
"- What an asshole. - Yep."
Archer (2009)
"Huh."
Archer (2009)
"Okay. Ahem."
Archer (2009)
"Uh, hey."
Archer (2009)
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