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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Sees a Sunset! (S02E02)

"Ugh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I hope he's one of those Jews who does it through a sheet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Not so tough now, are you, Grandma?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is she prettier than me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I love how sweaty you get doing your job."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, it's the developer calling from Moscow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're hilarious."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Let me start by saying"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I think your fever broke."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't say this enough,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I'm really glad you're not a giant crab."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I should have been a doctor."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and then making them sit there for an hour."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(TITUS LAUGHS)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(CLEARS THROAT)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'd rather be with you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And when you were away at that construction convention,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I was just too sad to sing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"ConCon is usually so fun, but I was away from you,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and Tony DaGrammo wore the same costume as me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Tony DaGrammo was silicone joint sealant?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That bitch."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He did it on purpose."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You got an audition tomorrow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Shouldn't you be getting ready?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't want to get you sick, bro."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(SIGHS) Fine."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But FYI, I only get sick on the dance floor."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Shall we order champagne? - Jacqueline!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You followed me to my hotel room."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I, uh..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That was my ex-husband's thing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I really did, and I'm sorry"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, we're here now, and that room has a bed."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Believe me, there's nothing more I'd like to do."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Your lady parts are... (GRUNTS)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I find that they tend to only be interested in my money."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, obviously that's not the case with me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I gave away a $12 million painting without a fight."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you saw my apartment."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, it looked like you were moving out."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I was moving in."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You should see it all finished."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have a hundred chairs!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to be a hologram controlled by a Turkish hacker."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"G'day, mate. It's Russ, you know. (HELLO, THIS IS RUSS.)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Right. Oh, crikey! (LAUGHS) (GOOD. IS EVERYONE ON?)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, God, was that your bed?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"my keys, phone, shoes, or NuvaRing?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I know you threw your keys in the river to protest racism."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's why I brought you back here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"into Night Andrea's idiocy again."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, it wasn't entirely a night thing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I speak fluent Italian."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You do?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They're the Mario brothers, right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Does that mean his name is Mario Mario?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why can't I hold it together?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm gonna have to go away."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Where? - To a conference."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Conference is therapist code for rehab."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is code for, I hate you and your stupid life."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How long will you be gone?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"then getting kicked out of rehab for"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"using sex and threats of violence"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"then more drinking, back into a different rehab,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with a bunch of recent divorcées."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a process."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're the one who said I have a fear of abandonment,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and now you're just gonna leave me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're afraid of..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nope."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I will refer you to a colleague, and the two of you..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, I'm not starting over."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I said I was gonna help you too,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, I am not getting into this with you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have got to start wrapping things up"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with my other patients,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and then it's bender time."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Winter is tricky, because if you pass out in a snowbank,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you lose another toe."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Five, six, seven, eight!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Trident Gum is the chewiest gum ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Your teeth are bones that live outside ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They hang from your lips like bats ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Never forget that teeth are outside bones ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They're bones that you wash and when you're a kid ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They fall from your head ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ And to make things less weird we say they got stolen ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ By a demon that your parents know ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Trident!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"In lieu of my usual audition piece,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, that was my worst audition ever."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nope."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(SCREAMS)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus Andromedon!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hello, Norman."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What are you here for,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and they shot me into the ocean on a toilet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Me, 50 years in the biz, best year ever."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I played another Law & Order corpse."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Faceup this time."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I almost got Man Struggling With Regular Pot"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"in an infomercial."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My improv team is looking for a second person."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I'll do the same for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You'll notice one of my special skills"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, terrible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"didn't actually stop anybody from using it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Come on, I'm trying to take a nap!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So as soon as I pooped out the key,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I hit the bricks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Boy, you're probably in a rush to shower, huh?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Not so much."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What are you whoring up for?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and it starts with getting her drunk."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"All good plans do."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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