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Clips from Get a Life - Zoo Animals on Wheels (S01E01)

""the greenville community theater will be holding auditions today"
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""for their upcoming production of the musical, zoo animals on wheels."
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"It makes them feel happy and alive."
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"I better get going."
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"But i may very well come back as chris,"
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"Excuse me, miss."
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"Um, can you tell me where the auditions are being held for the zoo..."
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"I happen to be head chairperson of the greenville players."
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"What the hell are you doing here anyway?"
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"Missy."
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"That's quite all right."
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"Thank you."
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"There lived a young handsome goose,"
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"Because she was queen ape of the theater company,"
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"And there were no geese allowed."
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"But the goose decided to ignore the ugly ape,"
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"The funny thing is that my fable has no ending."
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"He's exactly what i'm looking for."
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"Like they do freak shows in the south."
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"Stop, mr. peterson."
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"Zoo animals on wheels."
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"And pessimists,"
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"And anesthesiologists,"
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"I feel like cinderella,"
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"Thank you, thank you. and i shan't let you down."
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"Hi, sharon. hi."
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"Now,"
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"Guess what, sharon? i had a sub for lunch."
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"The man's unique."
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"Has the role that you should play?"
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"What can i do, shar?"
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"For fat, balding, amateur types."
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"For all the money in the ocean."
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"And you."
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"Has anyone seen chris?"
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"I'll tell you what happened."
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"He overheard these 2 magpies trashing him and he ran off."
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"Now, william,"
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"We should feel lucky that we have jason to take his place."
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"Well, i don't feel very lucky, you wench."
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"Chris peterson absolutely embodies"
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"Sharon,"
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"Or i'll see to it that you never work"
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"Honey? where are you?"
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"Clear the air and... and not let a silly misunderstanding"
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"Ruin our friendship."
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"Chris."
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"So, here you are."
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"My, how lovely. it's like a little retreat."
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"Well, it wasn't hard. i just followed the gobs of make-up."
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"You play a wildebeest in the show."
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"Wildebeest, skunk, dingo, what's the difference? they're all in the dog family."
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"Oh, pardon me. excuse me, hairy mutt."
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"Well,"
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"Uh..."
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"I'm extremely good,"
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"I can't say that, chris. please don't make me."
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"Jealous. absolutely."
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"Which one of these dogs has gas?"
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"Zoo animals have sat patiently in their cages,"
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"And threw candy at them."
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"Fred, sit down."
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"I'd like to throw a rock at her."
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"I know you're dying of thirst and this village has no water,"
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"Gladys, is it actually medically possible to die of embarrassment?"
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"For i have a date with her royal highness,"
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"You? a poor, homely wildebeest have a date with lady stripes."
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"Oh, my, suddenly we're very quiet, aren't we?"
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"From this day forward,"
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"No one shall mock the fat, kindly wildebeest."
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"Oh, be gone, servants."
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"I am at a loss for words."
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"And now, we shall rule the animal kingdom together,"
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"As man and wife."
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"No more zoos,"
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"For we are all free."
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"Pretending to enjoy something you actually didn't,"
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"You actually ended up doing quite well yourself."
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"Miss sharon potter. sharon, come out here."
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"Thank you."
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"So the next 350 performances are going to be kind of interesting,"
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"If you know what i mean."
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"But not necessary.""
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"Well, i'm not kreskin, but i think it means"
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"Exactly."
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"Well, i didn't know you were interested in acting, dear."
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"I just have the urge to perform on stage in an animal costume."
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"There's a difference you know."
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"It sounds a little..."
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"What's the word i'm looking for?"
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"Dad, zoo animals on wheels was the toast of broadway."
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"It was andrew todd keller's masterpiece."
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"The concept is pure genius."
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"What would it be like if zoo animals put on roller skates,"
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"Insults their intelligence?"
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"Kind of like a mountain dew commercial."
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"The guy who has a small part in a local musical."
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"You think about that for a while, ok?"
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"Sharon? chris."
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"Here, i thought you were just a normal housewife,"
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"What are you doing? ordering some more urinal pads?"
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"For your information, ass,"
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"I'm also lead actress in this production."
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"So what would that be? the role of the town whore?"
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"You? audition for a place in my theater group?"
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"Oh, i think you've been breathing too much newspaper ink, chris."
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"Cackle all you like, margaret hamilton,"
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"But i'm gonna land a role in this play."
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"Oh, sorry. i screwed up the 2nd verse."
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"Brace yourself."
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"I... i was prepared to come out here"
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"But i was just informed that your pianist"
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"Doesn't have the sheet music to dream weaver."
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"Um, so instead, i thought i'd recite to you a little fable,"
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"And i can only pray that you do not gong me."
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"Who wanted desperately to be in a local production of a hit musical."
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"Sharon told the goose that he couldn't appear in the play,"
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"And audition anyway."
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"I... i leave that in your capable hands, my dear director."
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"And now, as a little bonus,"
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