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Clips from Three's Company - Alone Together (S02E02)

"As a matter of fact, I called the police to complain about it."
Three's Company
"I'm not a spoilsport."
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"Do you know I had to drink seven cups of cocoa to get to sleep?"
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"And then I couldn't sleep 'cause I kept goin' to the bathroom."
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"What? The property? Yeah. I saw the property."
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"It's a very nice piece of desert."
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"But the one thing I can't figure out is where they're gonna get the water from."
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"[ Knocking ] Hold it. There's somebody at the door. Come in."
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"Hey, Roper, what's the matter? I just found out you're not at the party."
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"You're missin' out on a swell time, right, Sherry? Mm. It's a real blast."
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"Is that your party next door? Yeah. Didn't you get the invitation?"
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"I never got an invitation. Hey, I'm sorry."
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"Oh. Sherry Lee, Stan Roper."
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"How do you do, Stanley? Hello."
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"Sherry, is it? Mm-hmm."
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"Hey, Stan, come on out to the pool. We're all gonna take a skinny dip."
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"Skinny dip?"
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"Helen, listen. I got a meeting."
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"Mr. Crawford just came in with one of his... men."
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"Yeah."
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"He's the only guy on the whole plane that hasn't bought a lot yet."
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"Yeah, well, he's the only one that isn't bombed out of his skull."
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"Well, we get one or two freaks once in a while. Work on him."
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"Okay, but why do they always have to look like that?"
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"I'll be home tonight, Helen. Yeah. Okay. Bye."
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"Stanley, could I use your bathroom for a minute?"
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"I spilled a little drinky-poo on my blouse."
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"Sure. Go ahead."
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"Say, Stan. Now, I don't wanna scare you, but"
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"everybody's buyin' up those lots out there."
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"I'm afraid they're all gonna be gone unless you sign up right now."
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"But what about the water? The water? The water's fine."
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"Why don't you come on out and splash around with the girls? Have some fun?"
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"- I don't mean that water. I mean... - [ Sherry, Singsong ] Stanley."
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"Ooh. On second thought, I think you can have some fun right here, huh?"
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"Hey, listen. I'll save that lot for ya. See ya later, Stan."
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"Yeah, but Mr. Crawford, I... [ Singsong Voice ] Stanley."
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"What is it? Do you have a shirt I could wear?"
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"- But you're not wearing any... - But it's soaking wet."
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"I'll take anything you've got. I don't have anything."
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"I mean, shouldn't I... should... should... Shouldn't we..."
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"- [ Knocking ] - [ Man ] Police! - Oh, my God! It's a raid!"
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"But you don't understand, Officer. I'm the one who called."
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"That's right, gramps. You called. She came."
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"So let's go. Let's go."
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"Get dressed."
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"That's right, Linda. Where do you wanna go tonight? Jack, please."
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"Uh, listen, Linda. I have to go. Can you call me back in a little bit?"
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"- Oh, thanks. Okay. Bye-bye. - I'm sorry. Thank you."
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"Listen, Jack. I know this sounds stupid,"
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"but I think you should apologize to Chrissy."
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"- She's upset about last night. - Nothing happened last night."
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"Well, that's what I mean."
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"Just a minute. You mean she expected me to..."
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"And she's upset because I didn't make a..."
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"- Well, that's crazy. - Oh, now, listen, Jack."
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"Chrissy knows you come on strong with every girl you meet."
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"So last night, when you didn't come on with"
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"her, she thought she wasn't worth the effort."
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"Oh, with Chrissy, it wouldn't be an effort."
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"Tell her."
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"Chrissy? Hey, I'm sorry you're upset. Who says I'm upset?"
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"Well, you always eat too much when you're upset."
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"So I'm fat and ugly. Who cares? I do."
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"Look, Chrissy, I'm sorry I didn't make a pass at you last night."
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"Oh, Janet, how could you have told him? No, no, no. Wait. Wait."
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"Chrissy, I wanna talk to you. Come here. Now, sit down, Chrissy."
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"Look. See, I thought that..."
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"[ Both Muttering, Indistinct ]"
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"Chrissy, she told me because she loves you."
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"And I love you. I mean, I don't love you, love you."
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"I love you in a "like you" kind of way."
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"You know, when I say "I love you"... Get on with it."
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"Chrissy, I thought we had a great time last night."
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"Maybe it could have been even better. Maybe I would've tried to get it on with you,"
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"I guess I'm a one-woman kind of guy, you understand? One at a time."
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"It is not important. It is important."
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"If I wasn't dating Linda, I'd have been all over you last night."
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"Oh, yeah. I would've thrown you on the sofa and ripped off your clothes..."
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"and attacked you like a mad dog."
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"Oh, Jack, thank you."
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"It's true, Chrissy. [ Telephone Rings ]"
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"You okay now, Chrissy?"
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"[ Doorbell Rings ]"
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"- All better? - [ Jack ] Hi. Linda?"
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"- [ Jack ] Huh? - Ah, Mrs. Roper."
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"Hi, Janet. Hi."
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"Oh, excuse me. This is personal. What? [ Mrs. Roper ] Sure."
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"- What time is Mr. Roper getting home today? - I just had a call from him,"
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"and he says that he's gonna have to stay in Apache Springs for two more days."
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"- Why? What happened? - I don't know. He was very vague about it."
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"Something about official business..."
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"and being detained for 48 hours."
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"- Oh? - I just hope he checks with me..."
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"before he gets everything locked up."
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"Oh, Janet, I hate to impose, but, well, could you stay with me for two more nights?"
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"- Oh. - Well, go ahead. Don't worry about me."
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"- Remember. He's got Linda. - Okay. Okay, okay."
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"Yeah, I'll be down tonight. Oh, wonderful!"
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"Oh, that's swell. Hey, I'll polish up the dominoes."
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"[ Screeching ]"
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"I forgot about the dominoes."
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"Boy, that Linda."
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"I'm thinking of breaking it off with her. She said something I didn't dig."
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"What? She said, "Get lost.""
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"She's found another guy."
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"Boy, Helen, it was so humiliating."
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"I mean, being carried off like... like a criminal."
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"With that girl."
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"I'm so glad to be home in my own bed, in my own pajamas,"
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"and my own cocoa."
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"And your own wife."
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"Mm? Oh, yeah."
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"Stanley?"
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"Was she pretty? Huh?"
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"Oh, I... I don't remember."
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"You don't? Really? Of course not. I'm a happily married man."
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"Oh, that's nice to hear."
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"[ Clicks Teeth ] Good night, Stanley. Good night, Sherry."
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"[ Man ] Three's Company was videotaped..."
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