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Clips from The Golden Girls - The Operation (S01E01)

"I'll have the surgery! You win!"
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"You always win. But you don't play fair."
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"That's why I always win."
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"I don't know what you have been complaining about."
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"I think this is a very good hospital and a perfectly lovely room."
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"Isn't it a lovely room, Rose?"
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"Very lovely. I just keep wondering how many people have never left this room."
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"Where are they, Rose? Hiding in the shower?"
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"She means a lot of people have probably croaked in here."
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"I know what she means, Ma. I just don't need to hear it the night before surgery!"
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"Come on, don't be such a baby!"
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"I had my appendix out in a hospital in Sicily. That was rough!"
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"Why?"
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"They didn't believe in anesthesia back then."
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"They had a nurse hold a pillow over your face"
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"so the other patients couldn't hear your screams."
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"You had to pay extra for that."
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"Whoa, where do you think you're going?"
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"- You said everybody. - Get back in bed."
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"Take care, darling. Bye-bye."
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"Goodnight, pussycat."
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"- We'll see you first thing in the morning. - I hope I can say the same thing."
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"Hello, Mrs. Zbornak, my name is Dr. Ravel."
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"Oh, hello."
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"I'm here to tell you that Dr. Ashton won't be able to perform your surgery tomorrow."
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"- You are kidding? - I'm afraid not."
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"He's a damn fine doctor, too. I wish I were half the doctor he is."
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"By the way, I'll be performing your surgery tomorrow."
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"Well, if he gets a hostile jury, you may have to wait three to five years."
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"You'd be surprised how peeved people get nowadays over any little mix-up."
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"Mix-up?"
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"I didn't say mix-up... and there's no one here to prove that I did."
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"If you'll just sign these forms, we'll be all set."
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"- Forms? - They're just your standard consent forms."
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"I'm having a simple operation! How could I possibly die?"
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"Oh, it's possible, believe me!"
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"Just ask Dr. Ashton."
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"Listen, you know, I really don't think this operation is a good idea."
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"Mrs. Zbornak, relax. You have nothing to worry about."
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"It's a simple surgical procedure, I'm sure everything will be fine."
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"Here. I'll leave these forms so you can look them over."
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"I'll see you in the morning when I get back from court."
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"Wait a minute, wait a minute! I want to hear more about this mix-up!"
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"I don't know what you're talking about. Night!"
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"What do you think you're doing?"
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"I'm giving you the last rites, Mr. Ferguson."
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"I'm not Mr. Ferguson!"
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"Then what are you doing in bed with him?"
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"The man's dying, for God's sake!"
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"Wait a minute! There is no Mr. Ferguson in this room!"
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"- Isn't this room 203? - 303."
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"Oh, boy, what a day."
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"- Since I'm here, do you need the last rites? - No, thank you."
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"- Have you had your operation yet? - No, tomorrow morning."
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"Well, good luck. I'm sure everything will be fine."
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"But just to be on the safe side, I'll swing by here tomorrow afternoon."
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"- Dorothy? - Yes, Blanche?"
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"- What are you doing out there? - Checking the sprinkler system."
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"Looks good. Good night."
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"You get yourself in here! Get in here!"
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"- Where in the world did you come from? - The coffee shop at the bus station."
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"I went there from the hospital to think things out."
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"But this toothless old wino who claimed he was Elvis"
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"kept hounding me for bus fare to Graceland."
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"- So I came home. - Blanche, call the police!"
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"I just saw a big, ugly man with a limp walk past my bedroom window!"
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"He was wearing Dorothy's coat!"
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"But then again, it was dark and I tend to overdramatize."
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"- What are you doing home? - She snuck out of the hospital!"
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"- She's too scared to have her operation. - Dorothy!"
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"Look, I couldn't help it! When the doctor came in with the release form,"
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"he told me what could possibly go wrong. I just panicked!"
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"- Darling, nothing is going to go wrong! - Blanche is right!"
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"'Course, one summer when I was a candy striper,"
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"you wouldn't believe the things I saw!"
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"Lost patients, mixed-up medications, botched operations..."
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"Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up!"
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"Dorothy, nobody likes being in the hospital, but it's natural to be afraid."
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"She's right, darling. Everybody has fears."
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"Now all of my life, I had an incredible fear of flying."
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"And I missed out on a lot of things because of that fear! Then, one day..."
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"No, don't tell me, don't tell me. You met a handsome pilot -"
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"he invited you into the cockpit. Of course you said yes,"
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"as you usually do in these stories. The two of you made passionate love"
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"and now you cannot get enough of the friendly skies."
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"No, that's not what happened at all!"
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"- Then how did you get over your fear? - I never did, but thanks to Dorothy,"
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"I now have new hope."
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"You see, Dorothy, Blanche is willing to face her fear."
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"- I think it's time you faced yours. - Look, Rose, forget it!"
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"I am not going to have that surgery and no one is going to make me change my mind!"
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"I thought I heard you in here! What are you doing home?"
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"- I'm all better, Ma. - Oh, she is not!"
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"She's afraid to have the surgery because she has a phobia about hospitals."
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"Do you know why I have that phobia? Because when I was five years old,"
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"I was left alone in the hospital on the day I was having my tonsils taken out."
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"I was in Cleveland at your Uncle Mario's funeral."
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"- Yeah, but Pop wasn't. - Of course not, he hated your Uncle Mario."
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"Everyone hated your Uncle Mario. That's how he died -"
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"23 stab wounds during a block party and nobody saw a thing!"
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"- Said he had to go to work. - He did have to go to work!"
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"How else could we have paid for the operation?"
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"All I know is, I was alone and terrified and I have never gotten over it."
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"- I still have that phobia about hospitals. - It's about time you got over it."
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"Get the keys to your car. We're taking Dorothy to the hospital."
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"Ma, I am not going."
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"OK, fine. So you don't want to go back to the hospital?"
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"- No. - You don't want the doctor to operate?"
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"- No. - Then it's settled. We'll do it here."
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"Blanche, go boil some water and get me a pillow."
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"Rose, sharpen my Ginsu knife."
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"Dorothy, pick out a shoe you'd like to bite on."
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"You're not serious?"
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"No, I'm just acting as stupid as you are."
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"All right, I'll go back."
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"- Oh, you always win, don't you? - Yeah!"
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"- You're awfully good at this. - I'm the best."
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"Here we are."
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"How come I get the chair with the wobbly wheels?"
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"- Oh, looks like you have a new roommate. - Hi, I'm Bonnie."
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