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Clips from The Golden Girls - Job Hunting (S01E01)

"my pants are cutting off my circulation so bad, my feet are turning blue."
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"Well, I just want to be svelte for Barry."
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"Barry Glick is very important to you."
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"Barry was the man that I wanted to be the first."
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"First where?"
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"On Mars, Rose! My first lover."
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"- Well, so what happened? - Stanley - that's what happened."
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"Stanley. I went to a drive-in with Stanley."
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"He said he was being shipped off to Korea and would probably die"
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"and it would mean so much."
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"That was my part of the war effort."
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"It took three seconds."
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"I wasn't sure that we had done anything, actually..."
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"Then I figured out that we had."
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"No!"
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"- Yes! - And?"
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"And, it was a surprise."
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"Well, how is that possible? Another man showed up?"
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"What I mean is... I had never seen a man before."
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"A man?"
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"You know... a man."
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"- No! - Yes!"
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"What about your father? You mean, you never saw your father?"
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"My father? Oh, no! My father?"
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"Oh, my goodness, no! I would have simply died!"
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"- Oh, you don't... Oh, my God! - Easy, easy, easy, Rose."
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"- Calm down, calm down. Easy! - All right!"
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"The only things I ever saw were the animals on the farm -"
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"you know, the bulls and the horses."
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"Tough act to follow."
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"Actually, that first night"
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"I was kind of, well... appalled, I guess."
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"But Charlie was very patient."
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"It was really very nice,"
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"once I understood that that's what you were supposed to do..."
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"...that it wasn't some colossal joke, you know?"
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"I mean, didn't you think it was a ridiculous thing to do the first time?"
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"No!"
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"Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey."
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"I couldn't. I had these urges."
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"You know, in the South, we mature faster."
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"I think it's the heat."
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"I think it's the gin."
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"Anyhow, my first was Billy."
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"Oh, I remember it so well, just like it was yesterday."
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"the air thick with perfume,"
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"and me with Billy..."
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"...or Bobby."
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"Yeah, Bobby. Yeah, it was Bobby..."
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"...or was it Ben?"
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"Oh, who knows? Anyway, it started with a "B.""
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"That first time... did you have?"
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"Are you serious?"
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"Why, many times that first time - many, many times!"
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"- You did? - You didn't?"
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"No!"
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"Oh, it was nice - being near Charlie was nice -"
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"but it was five years before I knew what made your eyes go back in your head."
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"Dorothy, did you have?"
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"- Look what we've eaten! - Oh, and I can't sleep on a full stomach."
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"Look at what time it is. Would you like some coffee?"
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"Sure. How 'bout some Danish? It's almost breakfast."
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"- Hey, want some eggs? - Sure!"
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"- Do we have any bacon? - Yeah."
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"- Scramble me a couple, but - Scramble soft!"
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"(overlapping chatter"
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"You're a wonderful woman, Blanche."
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"No offense to Rose, but I'm glad she wasn't here when I dropped by today."
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"Why Milton, what a sweet thing to say."
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"That must be why I date more than she does."
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"And I meant what I said about that diet of yours."
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"Men of our generation like a little meat on their women."
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"Ooh, ooh, Milton!"
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"- See you tonight at 7:00. - Tonight at 7:00, then."
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"Good afternoon."
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"I thought he belonged to the other one."
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"Well, I'm sure Rose won't mind one bit."
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"He's a man. It's not like sharing a yogurt."
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"- Hello, hello, hello! - Hi, Dorothy."
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"- Honey, did Barry call? - Not that I know of."
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"- We're supposed to go out again. - Sounds like lunch went well."
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"Oh, we had such fun. You know, Barry is exactly as I remembered."
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"Come on, now. After 35 years, there must have been some surprises."
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"A few. You know, his hair's a little thinner, he's put on a little weight."
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"But is he still your fantasy lover, or has the fantasy become a reality?"
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"Well, not exactly."
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"You see, Barry Glick is gay."
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"I knew he was gay. I could tell by the way he used to worship Buster Crabbe."
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"- Oh, honey, are you just devastated? - Oh, hey, what the hell?"
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"If I can't have him, at least I know no other woman can have him, either."
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"- Hi, girls! - Oh, hi there!"
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"Hey, are we to assume from your cheerful demeanor"
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"that we are talking to a new hospital administrator?"
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"Not even close!"
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"Oh, what did you do, take an anti-depressant?"
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"Oh, don't be silly."
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"But I was depressed - incredibly depressed."
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"I didn't know which way to turn or where to go,"
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"so I stopped in at the coffee shop at the Fountain Rock"
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"for a root beer float to make me feel better."
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"They make the most terrific root beer float."
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"Now look, Rose, get off the float. Just get to the point."
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"Well, after I drank it, I started to get sad again,"
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"and then I saw the answer right in front of me."
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"- What, what? - A "Help Wanted" sign."
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"- Oh? - And, and?"
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"I am a waitress at the Fountain Rock Coffee Shop!"
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"12 hours a day, four days a week, minimum wage and tips,"
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"and a 60% employee discount on day-old Danish."
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"A coffee shop?"
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"- Day-old Danish. - Yeah!"
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"12-hour days in a steamy hash joint"
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"serving chili to a bunch of grubby truckers?"
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"Oh, come on, Blanche. I mean, she's working at the Fountain Rock."
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"It's not Mel's Diner."
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"I mean, the worst that can happen is she'll get scratched by a pinkie ring."
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"But 12 hours on your feet waiting tables?"
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"Honey, that is gritty, grimy, grueling work!"
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"But it's work! It beats the hell out of feeling sorry for myself,"
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"and it'll be a lot nicer to fall asleep from being tired than crying."
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