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Clips from Scrubs - My Comedy Show (S08E08)

"I've noticed that you always stay here late"
Scrubs
"If you don't get out of the hospital every once in a while"
Scrubs
"and blow off some steam, this place will eventually crush you."
Scrubs
"So go, okay? For me."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, Caitlin, that baby's beautiful."
Scrubs
"Ham baby."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God. This can't get any worse."
Scrubs
"That is one long-ass booby hair."
Scrubs
"J.D.: Like most hospitals, Sacred Heart makes their interns"
Scrubs
"put on a sketch show roasting the senior staff."
Scrubs
"It was never any good, but this year it would be."
Scrubs
"Okay, people, before we begin, you need to accept one simple truth."
Scrubs
"We will be writing all of your sketches. You're welcome. Let's jump right in."
Scrubs
"I need two volunteers to go full frontal. Howie?"
Scrubs
"Sunny, Denise? Maybe rubbing some oil on one another?"
Scrubs
"- Yeah, sure, no problem. - No, not at all."
Scrubs
"Dude, no, that sketch is gold."
Scrubs
"Well, if they're not naked, they're just sad and dying."
Scrubs
"I have been called the black Wayne Brady."
Scrubs
"Okay, try and believe in us, guys."
Scrubs
"This thing has not been funny for eight years, when we were interns."
Scrubs
"I love Jesus And, Jesus, he loves me"
Scrubs
"One, two, three, Jesus!"
Scrubs
"I never saw her coming."
Scrubs
"She was killed in a car accident. I miss her."
Scrubs
"Anyway, let's be funny for her."
Scrubs
"Hey, will you hand me those blood gas reports, Sonja?"
Scrubs
"You can call me "Sunny.""
Scrubs
"My dad nicknamed me that because he said I brighten up a room."
Scrubs
"Of course, in college, I had a few dark years."
Scrubs
"Was it three? No, four. I had four abortions."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna kill you with a hammer."
Scrubs
"I ended up staying here and finishing my casework."
Scrubs
"At least with my patients, I'm used to being ignored."
Scrubs
"Like with Mr. Cooper after his triple bypass."
Scrubs
"And you wanna know where he is now, Denise?"
Scrubs
"I was going to say that he was dead,"
Scrubs
"Look, when I kicked you out of the hospital last night..."
Scrubs
"Nope, just my mom. Ignore."
Scrubs
"Deal. Now come on. I want you guys both to see this case."
Scrubs
"She's a 16-year-old girl with cyclical neutropenia."
Scrubs
"They're the interns who'll be covering the floor today."
Scrubs
"- Our generation never had that stuff. - Yeah."
Scrubs
"Of course it is."
Scrubs
"That's cool, man. It's just a sketch show."
Scrubs
"J.D.: Our sketch show!"
Scrubs
"Okay, let's assign sketches. Partner up, please."
Scrubs
"Yikes."
Scrubs
"I'll be with Denise. Problem solved!"
Scrubs
"I was there. I saw."
Scrubs
"that I can think of, and I want to put it on the page"
Scrubs
"We didn't see each other yesterday."
Scrubs
"Well, that was unexpected."
Scrubs
"Thank you."
Scrubs
"Okay, Brianna, your chest x-ray looks good."
Scrubs
"I'm just gonna go talk to your mom"
Scrubs
"about some changes in your medication."
Scrubs
"Aren't moms the greatest?"
Scrubs
"My mom bought me these scrubs last week, just because."
Scrubs
"Oh! And this morning, I found this little note."
Scrubs
""Look at me, I'm dark and edgy.""
Scrubs
"and she still never lets me leave the house."
Scrubs
"It's like she's so freaked out about me dying"
Scrubs
"that she won't let me have a life."
Scrubs
"- She doesn't want your stupid note. - You don't know that."
Scrubs
"We can put him in any bit that's not working."
Scrubs
"Like the Dr. Wen sketch."
Scrubs
"You guys doing the Dr. Cox sketch, make sure you"
Scrubs
"Really stretch out all your words, okay?"
Scrubs
"And under no circumstances are you to tell him"
Scrubs
"that I wrote the joke implying he may have a sports car"
Scrubs
"Unless he finds it hilarious, at which point you will break character"
Scrubs
"I will then stand, give a humble nod, like so,"
Scrubs
"and then gesture for you to continue."
Scrubs
"Please show some respect. Kathy, you're playing Elliot."
Scrubs
"Plus, find some cardboard,"
Scrubs
"stick it down the back of your pants, right?"
Scrubs
"Make that ass flat, girl. Let me see what you got right now."
Scrubs
"- Yeah, we could go flatter. - We can go flatter."
Scrubs
"- We can go flatter. - You know, I've chewed on that thing"
Scrubs
"- and it's flatter than day-old beer. - I gotta tell you."
Scrubs
"You know what? I made a funny. Turk, rewrite."
Scrubs
"Katie, dynamite Beardface costume."
Scrubs
"- I can't see anything in this. - Performers find a way, Katie."
Scrubs
"Use your other senses. Where are Sunny and Denise?"
Scrubs
"Well, you know, they're supposed to be..."
Scrubs
"Hey, Dr. Reid, can we talk to you about Brianna?"
Scrubs
"Her mom is being way too over-protective."
Scrubs
"You either plucked a giant hair, or you have mini chest snakes."
Scrubs
"Maybe you're just imagining things."
Scrubs
"- I did those things. - Did you?"
Scrubs
"At least I thought I... Head games aren't gonna work on me."
Scrubs
"Unfortunately for you, I have a photographic memory."
Scrubs
"For instance, I arrived here yesterday at 7:45 a.m."
Scrubs
"At 7:50 a.m., I took a nap."
Scrubs
"At 2:45 p.m., I awoke to find you"
Scrubs
"plucking a comically large hair off of your baby-feeder."
Scrubs
"I then took my afternoon nap,"
Scrubs
"then I went on break, and then I went home."
Scrubs
"Couldn't sleep a wink. Damnedest thing."
Scrubs
"Sad."
Scrubs
"Stop walking away from me."
Scrubs
"And now I'm sleepy again."
Scrubs
"Brianna should totally get to live her life."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna go talk to her mom."
Scrubs
"So I'm just gonna start throwing out numbers"
Scrubs
"and you guys stop me whenever I get to the age"
Scrubs
"Mmm-hmm."
Scrubs
"to stuff my face with muffins."
Scrubs
"And I like prostitutes."
Scrubs
"Hey, I'm The Todd. Wow."
Scrubs
"Looks like we got a full house. I got a full house in my pants."
Scrubs
"Hello. I'm Dr. Beardface."
Scrubs
"- My beard is only this big. - Lighten up, Seymour. I took my lumps."
Scrubs
"Okay, one last chance to admit the truth before this gets ugly."
Scrubs
"How's that supposed to make me feel?"
Scrubs
"- Mr. Jack Black. - Thanks, buddy."
Scrubs
"Sacred Heart!"
Scrubs
"You know, people are always asking me,"
Scrubs
""Hey, hey, Dane Cook. Hey, Dane Cook.""
Scrubs
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