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Clips from Scrubs - My Comedy Show (S08E08)

"I know you've been complaining about the bedpans being too cold,"
Scrubs
"Till some whiny new mom complained"
Scrubs
"but eventually I'm gonna get you. Come on, Howie."
Scrubs
"- and work after your shift is over. - I get a lot of work."
Scrubs
"- Fine. - Great."
Scrubs
"Got you."
Scrubs
"- We are funny, and you are not. - Sucks to hear, doesn't it?"
Scrubs
"No, I have eczema."
Scrubs
"- We make them British. - Good save."
Scrubs
"It's back in, but only because this man is a comic genius."
Scrubs
"- I sure do love me some Jesus. - I know, Laverne."
Scrubs
"The Messiah, ladies and gentlemen. The Messiah."
Scrubs
"- Oh! Hell no. - Front row."
Scrubs
"No, I know"
Scrubs
"My car was stolen, I had three..."
Scrubs
"I'm joking!"
Scrubs
"- Why are you laughing? - 'Cause I'm scared. I'm not that strong."
Scrubs
"What the hell?"
Scrubs
"but I think saying that about people who are still alive is a huge jinx."
Scrubs
"It's a rare disorder that periodically shuts down her entire immune system."
Scrubs
"Hey, Brianna, Mrs. Tarasi."
Scrubs
"Oh! Cool."
Scrubs
"If you guys give me your cell numbers, I can text you if I need anything."
Scrubs
"there's three generations in the room right now."
Scrubs
"- Oh! - How could you be late?"
Scrubs
"Good morning. Okay, I think we should just get this out in the open."
Scrubs
"I saw you pluck your special hair the other day."
Scrubs
"I believe that you should give me the hair,"
Scrubs
"in between my decayed molars and my snug,"
Scrubs
"that I was able to splice together in my garage unsuccessfully."
Scrubs
"I mean, I know I'm sick, but not all the time,"
Scrubs
"You know, I've never had a date."
Scrubs
"- Do I know you? - I'm a friend."
Scrubs
"What is Jimmy the overly-touchy orderly doing here?"
Scrubs
"because he has a small penis."
Scrubs
"and say, "John Dorian wrote that joke.""
Scrubs
"So I wanna see some bug-eyes, all right? And... Perfect!"
Scrubs
"I am already on it."
Scrubs
"They're supposed to be playing us,"
Scrubs
"Unfortunately, my lady, I saw what I saw."
Scrubs
"totally defying the laws of physics."
Scrubs
"She's really starting to get in my head"
Scrubs
"with this whole we're-the-same-age thing."
Scrubs
"you think I look like. Okay?"
Scrubs
"Aren't you guys late for some sketch show?"
Scrubs
"Isn't this fun, running together?"
Scrubs
"- Oh, my God, I'm so nervous. - Welcome to live theater."
Scrubs
"I'm Bob Kelso."
Scrubs
"That's funny 'cause it's true."
Scrubs
"I was up all night sewing."
Scrubs
"- Did I see the nipple hair or not? - You did not."
Scrubs
"- Mr. Brad Pitt. - Thank you, Dr. Wen."
Scrubs
"I do have to say it's very hard covering the medical bill"
Scrubs
"Like, taste it... This muffin tastes sad. Why do people find me funny?"
Scrubs
"Thanks. I did need those, J.D."
Scrubs
"How is that funny?"
Scrubs
"Look, I promise I'll go out tomorrow night, okay?"
Scrubs
"After all, it's her daughter. So I decided not to talk to her."
Scrubs
"Usually, to celebrate, Turk would lift me in the air"
Scrubs
"while I straddled him and yelled "Eagle!""
Scrubs
"But this morning, I somehow knew that wasn't gonna happen."
Scrubs
"Elliot didn't seem like herself, either."
Scrubs
"I don't care what you think is right for Brianna."
Scrubs
"- Okay, why are you smiling? - I can't help it. It's permanent."
Scrubs
"What do you want?"
Scrubs
"I'm getting ready to torture Nurse Chest-Whiskers,"
Scrubs
"What incident? I wasn't even here yesterday."
Scrubs
"You were there."
Scrubs
"My muffin thinks you're crazy and she wants you to go."
Scrubs
"Nice job."
Scrubs
"That lady has no idea what's good for her daughter."
Scrubs
"I know. I just want to go over there and smush her face."
Scrubs
"Did you hear me? Like, just smush it."
Scrubs
"Part of that is doing what you think is right."
Scrubs
"- Let's do this. - Okay, try to act tough."
Scrubs
"Why did that sketch bother us so much?"
Scrubs
"But I didn't know that's how the whole hospital views us, man."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. - So, how's your day going?"
Scrubs
"so maybe at work, we should tone down the PDA."
Scrubs
"- But does that include... - It definitely includes "Eagle!""
Scrubs
"As much as I hate to agree with Dr..."
Scrubs
"Dey."
Scrubs
"You know, yesterday, Dr. Reid came in and gave me"
Scrubs
"Hey, what's going on over here?"
Scrubs
"Maybe I was never in The Fugitive."
Scrubs
"Now the guy's always slipping me hotel keys."
Scrubs
"when I almost punished you for something that never even happened."
Scrubs
"No, Beardface."
Scrubs
"They're gonna publish my old therapy paper."
Scrubs
"It's guy love between two guys"
Scrubs
"Why'd you lie about talking to Brianna's mom?"
Scrubs
"I'm going first."
Scrubs
"I don't know, because people need to be able"
Scrubs
"Where have I heard that before?"
Scrubs
"I'm very bright. Look, I've been there. I did what you did."
Scrubs
"I was an intern. I've lived at this hospital."
Scrubs
"- or this place will swallow you up. - What about Brianna?"
Scrubs
"- Hey, sorry again. - Don't beat yourself up about it."
Scrubs
"- I just got the urge to buy you a shirt. - Well, then, to the mall!"
Scrubs
"J.D.: Like how important it is to have a good friend here"
Scrubs
"Val, please don't make a sign"
Scrubs
"Ha-ha! Now it's pointing towards me. Very clever."
Scrubs
"- Turk, will you get the sign, please? - I am on it."
Scrubs
"- Val! - You guys..."
Scrubs
"- This is unprofessional. - Got it."
Scrubs
"I think we should stop looking for the sign"
Scrubs
"We are not losing control."
Scrubs
"Okay, Mr. Rego,"
Scrubs
"so I used an incubator in pediatrics to warm this bad boy up for you. Enjoy."
Scrubs
"You know, I used to use an incubator to keep my lunch warm."
Scrubs
"that her preemie smelled like a ham sandwich."
Scrubs
"Weird thing was, I had a tuna melt in there, not ham."
Scrubs
"Most newborns smell amazing. An unlucky few are ham babies."
Scrubs
"Hi! Hey! You look so beautiful today."
Scrubs
"Yeah, I'll get my stuff."
Scrubs
"How about you, dude-chick?"
Scrubs
"No, I'm gonna stay here and catch up on my scut work."
Scrubs
"You can try as hard as you want not to be my friend,"
Scrubs
"If I get drunk enough, I'll undo my scrub bottoms"
Scrubs
"and let you do a shot off my butt."
Scrubs
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