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Clips from Peep Show - Mole-Mapping (S09E09)

"'All aboard the Coconut Express. Next stop, Loony Town!'"
Peep Show
"Yeah. I need quite a lot of storage space for my personal effects"
Peep Show
"when hiring an office."
Peep Show
"Cos I've ordered a briefcase off Amazon."
Peep Show
"Oh, my God, there's a socket in the floor!"
Peep Show
"Unbelievable!"
Peep Show
"Um, do you monitor the things I look at on the internet?"
Peep Show
"No. Great."
Peep Show
"I love this office."
Peep Show
"It's £400 per calendar month."
Peep Show
"Four? 400?"
Peep Show
"Fuck my mouth!"
Peep Show
"'My plan certainly has become quite Byzantine!'"
Peep Show
"Mark, I understand you went mole mapping with my wife?"
Peep Show
"Oh...yeah, we went for a little checkup."
Peep Show
"...if you'd like to come for a colonoscopy."
Peep Show
"Right."
Peep Show
""Seems like it might be in Mark's wheelhouse.""
Peep Show
"We could go for a pint after. You know, get the cancery bit out of the way"
Peep Show
"and then pop into the Whistle for a pint of IPA."
Peep Show
"And thanks..."
Peep Show
"for taking April. She needed that."
Peep Show
"She needs...an outlet."
Peep Show
"And I'm thinking Herodotus and a bowl of muesli."
Peep Show
"It's just not me."
Peep Show
"'Tell me your wife's secret desires. They'll be safe with me!'"
Peep Show
"Say, that's an interesting church."
Peep Show
"Is it Russian?"
Peep Show
"Yes, a Russian Orthodox Church."
Peep Show
"How fascinating."
Peep Show
"Er, I believe it's Greek, Mark."
Peep Show
"'but it'll be the last ploughman's you eat as a sane man.'"
Peep Show
"In terms of praxis, the difference between Russian and Greek"
Peep Show
"And is there a comprehensive history of the Byzantine Church"
Peep Show
"OK, I'm going to surprise you here, Mark, and say no, there isn't,"
Peep Show
"unless you include John Julius Norwich's so-called History Of Byzantium,"
Peep Show
"Right. Cos you've got Simon Baker on Rome"
Peep Show
"Doesn't that just seem insane?"
Peep Show
"It does seem a little nutty."
Peep Show
"'This isn't horrible. I'm just encouraging him."
Peep Show
"..and the only first-hand account we have is, as you'll know,"
Peep Show
"and, frankly, it's a pamphlet."
Peep Show
"It's so limited in scope as to be almost worthless."
Peep Show
"'God, this really is interesting."
Peep Show
"'No, don't get sucked in! Otherwise it's going to be me and Angus"
Peep Show
"'Cup of tea and a Twirl."
Peep Show
"'Yep, there he is, that's my arse all right."
Peep Show
"'The dark side of the moon.'"
Peep Show
"So, Mark, I got your letter."
Peep Show
"That's not from me, Jeremy, that's from the bank."
Peep Show
"It's a standard loan statement."
Peep Show
"So that's it? Office gone. There's no way I can afford it any more."
Peep Show
"All my hopes and dreams, everything I've been working for"
Peep Show
"for the last 39 years flushed down the toilet."
Peep Show
"You never should have sold me that loan, Mark. You were exploiting me."
Peep Show
"Well, guess what, I've got one word for you."
Peep Show
"Ombudsman."
Peep Show
"So if there's a bang at the door and you answer it"
Peep Show
"and there's a man in a stovepipe hat with a long, hooky stick, that's him."
Peep Show
"The ombudsman."
Peep Show
"The ombudsman isn't a person, Jeremy."
Peep Show
"It's a toothless regulatory body"
Peep Show
"One eye open, Mark."
Peep Show
"You know, Angus would have been more than welcome to..."
Peep Show
"you are joking?! 'Ting!'"
Peep Show
"Look, I..."
Peep Show
"I didn't want to dob him in, but we went for a stroll and..."
Peep Show
"It was like he couldn't help himself."
Peep Show
"'So I ate both his pickled onions!'"
Peep Show
"and say, "Let's take drugs and go crazy.""
Peep Show
"'Oh, God, help me.'"
Peep Show
"I haven't done this since uni. Am I doing it right?"
Peep Show
"Yeah, no, that's great."
Peep Show
"Some lovely fat lines of...chang."
Peep Show
"But it's good shit, it's real top-quality, Taste the Difference shit."
Peep Show
"Let the Great British Snort Off begin."
Peep Show
"'Eye of the tiger. Fuck you, everyone. Fuck you, Dad.'"
Peep Show
"Mein compliments to the chef."
Peep Show
"'Christ, it's gone all the way up my nose and into my throat!"
Peep Show
"'Doesn't taste very nice. What if it's off?"
Peep Show
"'What if my head swells up like a melon and I never sleep again?'"
Peep Show
"I feel completely normal. But also..."
Peep Show
"a bit like I want to karate-chop my hand through a very high stack of poppadoms."
Peep Show
"You could hold up a keema naan and I could punch my fist through it."
Peep Show
"Kung food!"
Peep Show
"HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY"
Peep Show
"Angus would never do this."
Peep Show
"Unless we'd talked about it and tabled it with our therapist"
Peep Show
"and dissected it to death."
Peep Show
"Oh, tedious. I mean, I don't even want another line."
Peep Show
"The last thing I feel like is another line."
Peep Show
"'Well, that's it. I'm an addict.'"
Peep Show
"But that was actually probably my favourite line of the two."
Peep Show
"Cos I found this cruise, OK? Three months in the Med, just what we need."
Peep Show
"'God, she's trying to patch things up with Angus."
Peep Show
"Cocktails, six meals a day, bad karaoke."
Peep Show
"He said no."
Peep Show
"April, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times."
Peep Show
"'First time I've ever said it.'"
Peep Show
"You've got to live in the moment, cos right now I feel like"
Peep Show
"staying up all night, or running to Thornton Heath,"
Peep Show
"or throwing my iPad out the window."
Peep Show
"Go on, then. Yeah?"
Peep Show
"I mean, which? Cos I'll do it."
Peep Show
"iPad. Yeah, cos...it's just an iPad."
Peep Show
"Go on. I'm going to do it."
Peep Show
"Don't you think I should do it? I'm totally doing it. Should I do it?"
Peep Show
"You should totally do it. I'm totally doing it."
Peep Show
"'Regretting act of spontaneity before I've completed act of spontaneity.'"
Peep Show
"Bye-bye!"
Peep Show
"Fuck you, iPad!"
Peep Show
"I can't believe you just did that. I know."
Peep Show
"You're like the Incredible Hulk. The Incredible Mark."
Peep Show
"Mark Smash!"
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"HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY"
Peep Show
"'Oh, my God.'"
Peep Show
"I should get going."
Peep Show
"But thank you for an amazing evening."
Peep Show
"'I've kissed her. I've kissed her on coke."
Peep Show
"I've got you the goods."
Peep Show
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