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Clips from Frasier - The Crucible (S01E01)

"You're listening to KACL,"
Frasier
"780 on your AM dial."
Frasier
"This is Dr Frasier Crane."
Frasier
"but on the rainy days I was there for you."
Frasier
"Sorry to hear that, Gary. I'm listening."
Frasier
"The rolling hills of Toscana, the art of Firenze,"
Frasier
"the passion that is Venezia!"
Frasier
"'but if we dip into our savings,"
Frasier
"'But it's 1,800 bucks, without the Splendours of the Vatican package.'"
Frasier
"There is more to life than sump pumps."
Frasier
"Well, then yes, Gary, you... You should get the sump pump."
Frasier
"We'll be right back after this newsbreak."
Frasier
"Well, the phone rang, I..."
Frasier
"Well, I'll see you then. Ciao!"
Frasier
"- I didn't know about your cocktail party. - That makes two of us."
Frasier
"(Piano is playing jazz)"
Frasier
"(Chuckles)"
Frasier
"the Pinot Noir is far too stagy..."
Frasier
"Oh, hi, Roz, it's you."
Frasier
"I stained my dress, over-plucked one eyebrow,"
Frasier
"Oh, my goodness, you've got a neck!"
Frasier
"To be frank, I don't spend my idle hours imagining how you live."
Frasier
"- Would you like a drink? - Sure, something light."
Frasier
"Double bourbon, rocks, and spill a little in the glass."
Frasier
"Why would I do that? I'm married, I love my Maris."
Frasier
"So, which one is your dad?"
Frasier
"He's the gentleman showing Bethany Van Pelt the photographs."
Frasier
"Stop showing crime scene photos."
Frasier
"Oh, yeah, the Junior League head brought up the subject of a hooker"
Frasier
"who was dismembered and scattered in a warehouse?"
Frasier
"She asked, "Are these meatballs the messiest thing you've ever seen?""
Frasier
"Dr Crane?"
Frasier
"Let's welcome our guest of honour, the renowned artist, Martha Paxton!"
Frasier
"Well, to shake anything of yours is an honour."
Frasier
"I didn't paint it."
Frasier
"Well, of course you didn't. You created it, you gave birth to it."
Frasier
"I didn't do anything to it. I never saw this painting before."
Frasier
"She's great-looking and she can really hold her liquor."
Frasier
"I may be just a girl from Manchester, but I have to tell you."
Frasier
"We toured the Loire Valley and we bought four cases of this."
Frasier
"Oh, yes, I remember this. It's breathtaking."
Frasier
"Remember when this piece was in the gallery, everyone wanted it?"
Frasier
"Yes, but it's not a Paxton."
Frasier
"Martha Paxton says it's not a Paxton!"
Frasier
"That's where things might just get a bit prickly."
Frasier
"- But it's a forgery. - If it is, it's a damn good one."
Frasier
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do."
Frasier
"You're not getting away with this. I am not leaving!"
Frasier
"They wouldn't take it back."
Frasier
"Hello... Oh, just a second. Dad, who do I ask for?"
Frasier
"Hello, yes, the Fine Arts Forgery Department, please."
Frasier
"Yeah, that was my son."
Frasier
"What's the name of that vicious lawyer you use?"
Frasier
"The one I used to sue the contractor or to sue the personal trainer?"
Frasier
"- I hate lawyers! -They make wonderful patients."
Frasier
"They have excellent health insurance and they never get better."
Frasier
"Where is the justice? Where can I turn to?"
Frasier
"or file it away under the heading "Sometimes life sucks"."
Frasier
"That file's getting pretty thick."
Frasier
"I see why people take matters into their own hands."
Frasier
"Good evening. Lovely night, isn't it?"
Frasier
"Yes, well, uh... Good night."
Frasier
"(Car horn)"
Frasier
"when somebody took my clothes while I showered?"
Frasier
"and you stopped me."
Frasier
"I said that? - Actually, you were more verbose."
Frasier
"What the gallery owner did was wrong and humiliating."
Frasier
"Dear God. Peachfuzz, Jingle Bells... I can't remember the rest."
Frasier
"Well, anyway, here you are. I won't be needing this any more."
Frasier
"- What have you done? - Nobody calls me Peachfuzz!"
Frasier
"Now let's get the hell out of here!"
Frasier
"We may be barbarians, but we pay for our pillaging."
Frasier
"♪ But I don't know what to do with those"
Frasier
"♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs"
Frasier
"Our lines are open. So please give us a call."
Frasier
"I'm just sitting here waiting."
Frasier
"OK, Roz, who do we have?"
Frasier
"We have Gary on line two. He and his wife had a fight."
Frasier
"'My wife's hell-bent on going to Italy this year.'"
Frasier
"Ah, Italia!"
Frasier
"'Yeah, well, anyway, I like taking a vacation as much as the next guy,"
Frasier
"'we should buy a new sump pump for the basement...'"
Frasier
"Let me stop you there. I'm siding with your wife here."
Frasier
"Whatever happened to feeding our souls?"
Frasier
"Oh, it's not important who. Well, it's Seattle's own Martha Paxton."
Frasier
"Practical, no, but..."
Frasier
"So, Gary, go to Italy."
Frasier
"'l still think I should get the sump pump.'"
Frasier
"Roz? Uh, just what is a sump pump?"
Frasier
"If you need one, you'll know."
Frasier
"A pre-eminent neo-fauvist and you put her on hold!"
Frasier
"Ms Paxton, oh, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting."
Frasier
"Well, thank you!"
Frasier
"Yes, I meant every word."
Frasier
"That's lovely. I'd like to meet you, too, sometime."
Frasier
"I suppose you're far too... You would? Oh, that's marvellous!"
Frasier
"on the counterbalance, around 7:00 is fine."
Frasier
"towards a white light and you get all the jokes you never got before."
Frasier
"You let out a little chuckle and then you die."
Frasier
"Be right on it."
Frasier
"Why is no-one eating the mousseline of duck?"
Frasier
"Now we know why."
Frasier
"The dog is eating the food, the pianist is too intrusive,"
Frasier
"- It's 7:05, and Martha isn't here. - I won't have to sedate you, will l?"
Frasier
"Where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night."
Frasier
"She's on your bed... asleep under the guests' coats."
Frasier
"She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting."
Frasier
"That must be... La Paxton!"
Frasier
"And fashionably late, of course!"
Frasier
"Why not do it on the elevator?"
Frasier
"But I did expect lots of beige. And look, I was right."
Frasier
"Oh, Daphne, you're here, too."
Frasier
"My goodness, shouldn't you be mixing?"
Frasier
"- Lovely party, isn't it? - Yes, it is."
Frasier
"This fresh fennel smells wonderful, doesn't it?"
Frasier
"It certainly does."
Frasier
"Dr Crane, were you sniffing my hair?"
Frasier
"- Where should I put this coat? - Just throw it on the bed."
Frasier
"Oh, my God!"
Frasier
"When we got to her, it was hanging by two tendons."
Frasier
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