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Clips from The Office - Lice (S09E09)

"You sound tired. Everything okay?"
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"Great. Everything's great."
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"Uh, a little bit."
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"It's a lot of pressure, you know?"
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"- Jim, the limo's here. - Uh, you know what?"
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"taxi is here to take me to the meeting."
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"- Oh, call me later. - Okay."
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"- Good luck. - Thanks."
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"Okay. I mean, it's what you want, so--"
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"- It's how it has to be. - I know, I know."
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"I'm gonna need my freedom,"
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"so I convinced Val to break up with me."
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"You say, "What are you gonna do, break up with me?""
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"Like, as a joke."
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"Hey, Meredith, I need your supply requests today."
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"will you stop your nagging already?"
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"He didn't leave me. He just went part-time."
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"I'm sure she's just confused."
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"People scratch their heads when they're confused."
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"but it happens."
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"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
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"Holy wow, that's a big one."
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"All right, pencils down, everyone-- we've got lice."
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"[Groans]"
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"Did you not sign a pledge to shower?"
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"Lock the doors. We're on full quarantine."
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"Maybe, possibly."
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"Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom,"
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"My first day of school, I had lice,"
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"and no one would play with me."
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"For 15 years, they called me "freak""
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"and "four eyes" and "sci-fi nerd" and "girl puncher,""
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"all because I had lice when I was seven."
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"Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen."
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"- You are all clear. - I should be."
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"Jeez, Meredith, you know, this is an office."
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"Uh, let's give her a break."
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"We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault."
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"Pam, really? Come on."
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"Nobody's taking Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen."
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"- Lice. - [Gasps]"
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"- Angela has lice. - Ew! Oh! [Groans]"
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"Ooh, yabber. Lice. Yikers. Lice."
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"No. How? I am so clean."
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"- Oh, yeah. Big-time lice. - Aah!"
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"Yes, thank you, even when I pee."
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"Apparently, none of that is protection enough,"
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"[Subdued chatter]"
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"Hey, what are you wearing?"
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"It's a hazmat suit."
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"That stands for hazardous materials men's suit wearing."
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"If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy."
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"Is there anyone else here that is lice-free?"
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"Excellent. You have your own hazmat suits?"
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"- No. - No."
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"Ugh. Renters."
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"Okay, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings,"
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"retreat to the warehouse."
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"Conduct your business there"
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"until the infected have been de-loused."
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"Let's get going."
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"I'm gonna stay here and fight."
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"If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me."
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"I might want lunch."
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"All right. We're going down to my warehouse."
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"We just broke up. [Gasps]"
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"You got dumped?"
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"- Yeah, she ended things. - Break-ups are the worst."
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"The only thing that got me through mine"
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"The singer, not the drink."
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"Here, man."
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"You need them more than me."
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"- Thanks, man. - Yeah."
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"Oh, no, no, no, no, no."
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"That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day."
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"No, Stanley, if you leave now, then you'll get it in your car,"
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"and then you'll get it in your house!"
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"Get off me."
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"I'm trying to save you from yourself!"
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"All right, I'll stay!"
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"There's a pencil poking in my rolls."
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"Maybe it was Meredith."
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"Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different"
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"than the lice that I got from Cece."
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"So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion"
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"that she got her lice from me."
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"That is how wars get started."
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"Fine, I'll tell her it was me."
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"Oh, man. That's fresh-squeezed."
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"Yeah, take some home if you want."
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"Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. I..."
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"Um, I'm sorry. Is this the conference center?"
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"No. Mr. Erving called."
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"Said he's rather meet you at his private court."
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"Hey, Meredith, I need to tell you something."
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"Oh, my God. Meredith, what are you doing?"
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"Bakin' a cake. What does it look like I'm doing?"
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"- Getting rid of the lice. - Oh, stop! I'm so sorry!"
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"[Microwave oven beeps] Oh, can you hold that thought?"
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"That's my wax."
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"follicle gypsies, hair lawyers."
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"One thing is clear-- it's kill or be killed!"
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"No, no, no. It's more of a nuisance, really."
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"It's not that big a deal."
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"So I've collected your hats and your coats..."
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"- To be burned! - ...to be washed."
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"I'm not gonna lie. Lye!"
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"- Excuse me? - She's right. It works."
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"Yes. It helps to suffocate the little buddies,"
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"and it's a really healthy alternative"
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"to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos."
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"I also only eat local organic produce."
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"Sha-boom! How do you like me now?"
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"Take a picture. It'll last longer."
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"We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible."
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"- Bald people make me sick. - Yeah, yeah."
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"Everybody pile on Meredith."
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"But I'm the only one with the balls"
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"If everybody just follows my instructions,"
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"then nobody else needs to end up bald."
The Office
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