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Clips from Family Guy - Stewie Kills Lois (S06E06)

"Right after we had that big fight when I said, "I wish you were dead,""
Family Guy
"right before I never saw her again."
Family Guy
"Well, see you guys later. I got to go buy hot dogs."
Family Guy
"We keep running out for some reason."
Family Guy
"Either of you guys think it's a little suspicious"
Family Guy
"that Peter took out a life insurance policy on Lois right before she went missing?"
Family Guy
"- You don't think... - That fat bastard murdered her, didn't he?"
Family Guy
"That son of a bitch. He's a killer, like Bernie Goetz."
Family Guy
"You know, the subway vigilante from the '80s?"
Family Guy
"I used to do a bit about him back when I was doing stand up."
Family Guy
"What else is in the news? Oh, oh, oh, Bernie Goetz, you hear about this?"
Family Guy
"This guy Bernie Goetz shot a bunch of muggers on the subway."
Family Guy
"No, but really, New York City's a great place to live,"
Family Guy
"Hey, Stewie, I found this receipt for a speedboat rental upstairs in your room."
Family Guy
"It's dated about a year ago. Any idea how it got there?"
Family Guy
"Someone who rented a speedboat must've left it there."
Family Guy
"Uh-huh."
Family Guy
"Well, you can play innocent all you want."
Family Guy
"I am gonna find the evidence to put you away,"
Family Guy
"No, I wasn't. I was at the carnival with Rupert."
Family Guy
"The carnival with Rupert."
Family Guy
"We won! We won! Do it again. Now I want a pink one."
Family Guy
"Oh, okay. You want to go ride the tea bags? Tea cups?"
Family Guy
"Tea bags?"
Family Guy
"I was hoping to keep these mementos, Rupert,"
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"but I can't risk it, with the dog sniffing around for evidence."
Family Guy
"Damn! What the hell are they doing here?"
Family Guy
"What are we looking for, Joe?"
Family Guy
"Well, the trail is pretty cold by now,"
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"but if Peter did kill Lois, we might find some clues in his garbage."
Family Guy
"Man, I haven't dug through these cans since Lois died."
Family Guy
"Can't believe it's been 12 months since I've deliberately choked myself"
Family Guy
"by stuffing her discarded makeup sponges down my throat."
Family Guy
"What's wrong with you?"
Family Guy
"Oh, my God."
Family Guy
"That does look like Peter's handwriting."
Family Guy
"There's no doubt anymore. Peter murdered his wife."
Family Guy
"What the hell?"
Family Guy
"Hey, little man. Tell Chris to open his window?"
Family Guy
"Just around the corner There's a rainbow in the sky"
Family Guy
"So let's have another cup o' coffee And let's have another piece o'pie!"
Family Guy
"Joe, what the hell is going on?"
Family Guy
"You're a suspect in Lois' murder, that's what's going on."
Family Guy
"Don't make us go good cop, developmentally disabled cop on you."
Family Guy
"We know that you killed Lois."
Family Guy
"Hello?"
Family Guy
"No."
Family Guy
"We can put you at the scene"
Family Guy
"where she was killed."
Family Guy
"Hobey's right, Peter. It doesn't look good for you."
Family Guy
"Joe, you got this all wrong."
Family Guy
"Like God did, when he made Rosie O'Donnell."
Family Guy
"Well, what do you want to do about the breasts?"
Family Guy
"Take a couple out of the bin we can't find matches for."
Family Guy
"Look, there he is. Dad, how could you?"
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"Hey, Dad, if they put you in jail, can we go in your room?"
Family Guy
"Look, don't you kids buy any of this for a second. Your father is innocent."
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"Oh, he killed her."
Family Guy
"Just like the telephone killed the telegraph sex business."
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"Hey, baby. I bet you're hot. Stop."
Family Guy
"Defense counsel, we will hear your opening statement."
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"Hey, everybody. Today's the big day. That's all, Your Honor."
Family Guy
"- Good. Good. - Prosecutor, call your first witness."
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"Peter called me right after he killed my daughter"
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"- to tell me he killed my daughter. - Really? Well, that is interesting."
Family Guy
"Yes, and as a favor to the court,"
Family Guy
"I've produced this simulation of how the killing transpired."
Family Guy
"I play Peter, and I hired an Asian hooker to play my daughter."
Family Guy
"that ruin my father-in-law's social occasions,"
Family Guy
"That's how it happened. And that Lois was no saint, either."
Family Guy
"Said she'd give me an over-under for 60 bucks. Got gipped."
Family Guy
"Chris, have you ever seen your father do anything bad?"
Family Guy
"Hey, Meg. Proud of you."
Family Guy
"Has your father ever killed anyone that you know of?"
Family Guy
"Well, once by accident when he was in the military."
Family Guy
"All right. You all know your orders."
Family Guy
"When you see the Taliban come over the horizon,"
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"you open fire immediately."
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"- you shoot the enemy. - Okay."
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"Good, now repeat it back to me."
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"Okay, I shoot Pat Tillman, then run over the horizon."
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"No. He's on our side! You charge the enemy..."
Family Guy
"- Right, and shoot Pat Tillman. - No, no, no, no!"
Family Guy
"Well, you know what? You're gonna have to explain it to me again,"
Family Guy
"'cause it sounds to me like I'm repeating back to you"
Family Guy
"exactly what you're telling me,"
Family Guy
"so just one more time."
Family Guy
"No, you shoot the Taliban! Not Pat Tillman. Got it?"
Family Guy
"Hey, you know where I can find Pat Tillman?"
Family Guy
"- Mr. Griffin, do you deny killing your wife? - Of course I deny it. I loved my wife."
Family Guy
"I plead the fifth of Jack."
Family Guy
"No, no, I'm joking. Yes, I drink."
Family Guy
"- And have you ever struck your wife? - Only in front of the kids"
Family Guy
"to assert my status as dominant male of the pride."
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"- Are you a violent man? - What are you, a wise guy?"
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"'Cause I know how to deal with wise guys."
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"- No further questions. - You son of a bitch."
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"If I had a gun on a boat, I'd shoot you."
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"Mr. Foreman, how say you?"
Family Guy
"- Oh, no. - Oh, no."
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"- Oh, no. - Oh, no."
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"Okay, can I ask everyone to please stop saying "oh, no" in this courtroom?"
Family Guy
"'Cause the fucking Kool-Aid guy's gonna keep showing up. Thank you."
Family Guy
"Mr. Griffin, I hereby sentence you to life imprisonment"
Family Guy
"with no possibility of..."
Family Guy
"Lois. You're alive."
Family Guy
"- Mom, you're alive! - Oh, my gosh. Mom!"
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"Lois, my God, what happened? We thought you were dead."
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"Mom, we thought Dad killed you."
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"under all her fingernails."
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"My hair is growing"
Family Guy
"And as I gazed, astonished at their lustrous brilliance,"
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"She's gone."
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"I'm not sure."
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"Peter, Lois has been dead for a whole year. You're gonna have to tell him sometime."
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"This is fantastic! I'm completely off the hook."
Family Guy
"- You can't put a vagina on this man. - Why not? I'm God."
Family Guy
"our daughter, Meg, was born."
Family Guy
"I'm afraid you're just gonna have to accept the fact that..."
Family Guy
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV"
Family Guy
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