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Clips from Family Guy - Stewie Kills Lois (S06E06)

"- Sweetheart, that was a guy. - What?"
Family Guy
"That was a guy. That was Philip Seymour Hoffman."
Family Guy
"What? No, it wasn't."
Family Guy
"Yes, it was, honey. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman."
Family Guy
"Look at you out here, on a big trip."
Family Guy
"- What are you doing? - I'll teach that hussy"
Family Guy
"When she returns, I'm going to put bamboo splinters"
Family Guy
"Then I'm gonna strip her down and tie her to the bed."
Family Guy
"- Okay. - Then I'm gonna make her crawl"
Family Guy
"on her hands and knees while I drip hot candle wax all over her back."
Family Guy
"- And then what are you gonna do? - Let's see..."
Family Guy
"Are you gonna shower her off after all that candle wax?"
Family Guy
"- No, I'm gonna keep her filthy. - Yeah, she's been a bad girl."
Family Guy
"And then I'm gonna gag her with her own underwear."
Family Guy
"That's all part of your diabolical plan to humiliate her."
Family Guy
"Yes, yes, she'll be humiliated."
Family Guy
"Maybe you'll handcuff her? She'll hate that."
Family Guy
"- Then I shall do that as well. - And call her a bitch."
Family Guy
"Until I'm hoarse with rage."
Family Guy
"Yes, and then... What?"
Family Guy
"No, I mean, that would like... That would show her."
Family Guy
"What the hell does the second part have to do with that?"
Family Guy
"No, man, it's your thing. I mean, I don't care if one hand is on her boob"
Family Guy
"and the other hand is down there. It's your... It's your project."
Family Guy
"Are you... You're getting some kind of sick, sexual thrill off this, aren't you?"
Family Guy
"Who cares? You're not gonna kill her anyway."
Family Guy
"You're gonna bitch and moan, and then you're gonna do what you always do."
Family Guy
"The minute Lois walks through that door, you're gonna forget all about it,"
Family Guy
"God, he's right."
Family Guy
"I've got the same daily routine as Dick Clark."
Family Guy
"Rupert, I've been all talk. So much time wasted."
Family Guy
"Well, no longer. Lois is a dead woman."
Family Guy
"I'll do to her what douche bags did to the guitar."
Family Guy
"Growing all the time"
Family Guy
"Look how sensitive I am"
Family Guy
"Every beer I've ever had is on a shelf above my bed"
Family Guy
"And sometimes, I put my speakers facing out my window"
Family Guy
"Peter, stop picking your teeth. We're at the Captain's table."
Family Guy
"And that was the first time I saw the northern lights at their peak."
Family Guy
"I turned to my first mate and I said,"
Family Guy
""We are looking into the very eyes of God.""
Family Guy
"- What a wonderful story. - All right, I got one for you."
Family Guy
"So, me and Lois are driving up to Vermont to get this abortion..."
Family Guy
"- Peter! - Hang on, hang on, Lois. Don't ruin it."
Family Guy
"All right. So, we're driving up to get this abortion,"
Family Guy
"And we're there to get an abortion."
Family Guy
"So I turned to Lois and I says, "You want to get an abortion here?"
Family Guy
""You want to get an abortion with the abortionist having a stump hand?""
Family Guy
"And she says, " An abortion here?"
Family Guy
""Are you kidding me? The abortionist's got one hand."
Family Guy
"And I says, " That's what I just said. The abortionist has one hand."
Family Guy
""We can't get an abortion here.""
Family Guy
"So we turned around and went home and two-and-a-half months later,"
Family Guy
"Peter, that story was completely inappropriate."
Family Guy
"for being nostalgic about the early years of our marriage."
Family Guy
"You've totally ruined this trip for me."
Family Guy
"Hey, the Captain's the one who should be embarrassed."
Family Guy
"- His story was gay. - You're gay."
Family Guy
"Pleasuring a man with a socked foot, one time, does not make a person gay."
Family Guy
"Hello, Mother."
Family Guy
"Oh, there's a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, Lois."
Family Guy
"With all the indignities I've been forced to suffer day in and day out"
Family Guy
"under your matriarchal tyranny."
Family Guy
"I did it! I killed her! She's dead!"
Family Guy
"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Oh, yeah, that's right."
Family Guy
"housewife and mother from Quahog,"
Family Guy
"who vanished from a cruise ship six days ago."
Family Guy
"Well, folks, that's the news, and I am out of here."
Family Guy
"Daddy, she's been missing so long. Do you think they'll ever find her?"
Family Guy
"- God, I hope so, Meg. - Oh, yes, I'm sure they'll find her."
Family Guy
"This is fantastic. Nobody suspects a thing."
Family Guy
"Hello."
Family Guy
"Pigs in Space."
Family Guy
"Hi, Peter. Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?"
Family Guy
"What is it, Joe? Please tell me Lois is alive."
Family Guy
"It's been six days, Peter. I'm sorry, but we had to call off the search."
Family Guy
"Harrison Ford Telling Random People He Wants His Family Back."
Family Guy
"- I want my family back. - Okay."
Family Guy
"- Hey, where've you been? - I had another date."
Family Guy
"You know, I'm glad you're finally putting yourself out there."
Family Guy
"- Lois would've wanted you to move on. - Yeah, only this one was kind of awkward."
Family Guy
"So, I'm a Leo and your ad said that you're a Cancer?"
Family Guy
"No, actually, it said I have cancer."
Family Guy
"Not cancer of the vagina, is it? Here, have some more wine."
Family Guy
"Then, there was that date I had with that stick figure."
Family Guy
"So, how would this work in bed?"
Family Guy
"Well, I can't do sex, but I can give you a stick job."
Family Guy
"- That... That sounds... - Yes, it is very unpleasant."
Family Guy
"But the freakiest was that date I had with Bonnie."
Family Guy
"I don't know, Bonnie. It's just a little weird."
Family Guy
"Joe's a friend of mine."
Family Guy
"No, it's okay. I promise you, it's okay."
Family Guy
"Just remember, whatever you do, don't tell Chris I'm dating."
Family Guy
"Hi, Dad. Did we get any mail from Mom at the health spa today?"
Family Guy
"Nope. Sorry, Chris."
Family Guy
"All right, sweetie, you ready to get some new notebooks,"
Family Guy
"and protractors and slacks?"
Family Guy
"- I want blue jeans. - You're getting slacks!"
Family Guy
"Here you go, Stewie. Finish your oatmeal,"
Family Guy
"and then I'll get you ready for our Mommy and Me class."
Family Guy
"You know, Meg has really flourished since Lois was murdered."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? Lois' death was an accident."
Family Guy
"Which is just what someone who pulled off the perfect murder"
Family Guy
"would want you to think."
Family Guy
"What the hell are you... Stewie, did you..."
Family Guy
"Of course, I didn't, Brian. Remember what you said?"
Family Guy
"I'm all talk. I wouldn't possibly go through with it."
Family Guy
"- I'll just poop and fall asleep. - My God, you did it. You actually did it."
Family Guy
"Oh, God. I've really screwed myself up here."
Family Guy
"and get the number for that acupuncturist?"
Family Guy
"You son of a bitch. You killed Lois!"
Family Guy
"Well, I'm gonna expose you for what you are."
Family Guy
"No matter what it takes, you are gonna pay for this."
Family Guy
"You know, it's funny. From this position, I can hear Meg up in her room."
Family Guy
"Well, that's awful nice, Peter. What's the occasion?"
Family Guy
"Lois' life insurance policy paid off."
Family Guy
"I've got more money than Barbra Streisand."
Family Guy
"Honey, I'm going shopping."
Family Guy
"I didn't know that you had life insurance on Lois."
Family Guy
"- Did you get that right before the cruise? - Actually, I got it on the cruise."
Family Guy
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