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Clips from Kevin Can Wait - Neighborhood Watch (S01E01)

"Oh, yeah, well, here's an illusion for you."
Kevin Can Wait
"Keep thinking I'm in your back seat, 'cause I'm leaving!"
Kevin Can Wait
"Oh, really? How comfortable are you gonna be"
Kevin Can Wait
"when Didi makes you give her a two-hour foot rub?"
Kevin Can Wait
"Not cool!"
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"She has circulation issues! You know this!"
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"Now, I'm confused!"
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"- I don't want to be there! - Okay!"
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"Everybody stop your babies crying."
Kevin Can Wait
"I can fix this."
Kevin Can Wait
"- Fake stakeout. - Yeah."
Kevin Can Wait
"Wow, man, this is a sweet R.V."
Kevin Can Wait
"Where'd you get this thing?"
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"You were on that?"
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"No, no, no, my brother's best friend, Dennis, was."
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"Long story short... couldn't pay the taxes, got deported,"
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"Well, here we are."
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"Look at this! You got beer, vodka... you got everything!"
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"Well, you know what they say... "Go home or go big," right?"
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"Actually, I think it's "Go big or go home.""
Kevin Can Wait
"I don't think so."
Kevin Can Wait
"You're probably right, you're probably right, yeah."
Kevin Can Wait
"- Hit me up! - Yeah!"
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"Got to admit, Rootger, this place is pretty cool."
Kevin Can Wait
"Pretty cool? I'll tell you what's cool."
Kevin Can Wait
"35 speakers..."
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"and a subwoofer in the couch."
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"Whoa-ho!"
Kevin Can Wait
"- Hey! - Hey."
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"Uh, no."
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"Um, we thought we caught the guy,"
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"but it turned out it was just a possum"
Kevin Can Wait
"eating fish sticks out of the garbage can."
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"Oh."
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"We'll get them, uh, tomorrow."
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"Tomorrow? No!"
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"Honey, tomorrow, Irene and I are having girls night,"
Kevin Can Wait
"and you're supposed to take Stuart off our hands."
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"Okay, I'll do it."
Kevin Can Wait
"Honey. But I..."
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"- Right. Okay. - All right?"
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"- Thank you. - Okay."
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"Thank you. Let's go to bed."
Kevin Can Wait
"I'm, uh, gonna get a water."
Kevin Can Wait
"- Do you need anything, or...? - Oh, no, I'm good."
Kevin Can Wait
"- Okay, good. - I'll see you."
Kevin Can Wait
"Chale, I-I need to ask you a favor."
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"I can't sit with Stuart anymore. He's insufferable."
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"- Whatever it is, I want in. - Good."
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"There's a sledgehammer in the shed..."
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"Oh, Mr. Gable, I can't! That is too far!"
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"I don't want you to hurt him."
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"I just want you to knock down the new mailbox."
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"Why?"
Kevin Can Wait
"far away from the dream-weaver."
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"But what if I get caught?"
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"You won't, because you're smart and you're sneaky."
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"I mean, look how long you've lived here,"
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"and I... I've barely noticed you, right?"
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"- That's true. - Yes."
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"All right."
Kevin Can Wait
"- Hey! - Hey!"
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"Honey, you're not gonna believe this."
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"Are you kidding me?!"
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"You... You turn your head for one second..."
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"but someone put a giant bag of garbage on your front stoop."
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"Oh, actually, that was me. I'm sorry."
Kevin Can Wait
"Maybe you and the guys should go back out there."
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"Well, we'll figure it out."
Kevin Can Wait
"All right, I got to call the guys,"
Kevin Can Wait
"tell them we're back on, I guess."
Kevin Can Wait
"And that's when the guy said, "That's not my gate.""
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"Ooh! Nachos are ready, guys."
Kevin Can Wait
"Up next... Mini egg rolls."
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"How you making out over there, Chale?"
Kevin Can Wait
"Martinis are done."
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"Hey, hey!"
Kevin Can Wait
"And we also have Rootger's vermouth spritzer."
Kevin Can Wait
"Am I right?"
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"Hey, so, how many mailboxes did you go through?"
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"Uh, just the two. I destroyed the first one."
Kevin Can Wait
"Chale got the second."
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"Thank you."
Kevin Can Wait
"And, uh, I am very grateful to Mr. Gable"
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"My mother has a mah-jongg group coming over on the 18th."
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"Actually, that week is a bit of a bear for me,"
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"but, uh, I can juggle."
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"I need you the beginning of May."
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"Didi's mother's turning 90."
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"She wants a bounce house."
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"She's pretty much cottage cheese up there now."
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"Okay."
Kevin Can Wait
"for everybody, all right?"
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"Yeah, you're right."
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"No, to freedom, huh?"
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"Freedom!"
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"And to me, the mastermind! Ha!"
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"She's 13, but she acts so much younger."
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"Yeah, I mean, if it weren't for the milky eyes,"
Kevin Can Wait
"she'd look like a puppy."
Kevin Can Wait
"But you already get straight A's, you brainiac."
Kevin Can Wait
"So sit down."
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"She works so hard."
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"You're hurting me."
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"And here she is eating a bully stick."
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"She cannot get enough of that one."
Kevin Can Wait
"Oh, honey, nobody wants to see that."
Kevin Can Wait
"Show them the one at the beach."
Kevin Can Wait
"Yeah, go forward."
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"Go forward."
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"Go forward."
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"Not that one."
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"Go forward."
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"No, go forward."
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"Go forward."
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"Yeah, almost."
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"Go forward. Go forward."
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"Here she is. Oh!"
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"- Aw. - What a day."
Kevin Can Wait
"So do I."
Kevin Can Wait
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