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Clips from One Day at a Time - No Mass (S01E01)

"Well, you know how kids are."
One Day at a Time
"Thirty-seven is a rough age."
One Day at a Time
"Any word from your mom?"
One Day at a Time
"No, but I'm sure she's home"
One Day at a Time
"talking crap about me with Juan Pablo and benedicto."
One Day at a Time
"Has she ever disappeared like this before?"
One Day at a Time
"No, usually when we fight, she does the opposite of go away."
One Day at a Time
"She just sighs really loudly."
One Day at a Time
""Ay!""
One Day at a Time
"My ex used to have a sigh, too."
One Day at a Time
"It went like this..."
One Day at a Time
""I hate you!""
One Day at a Time
"I still miss her."
One Day at a Time
"I just... I don't..."
One Day at a Time
"I don't have time for this drama, you know?"
One Day at a Time
"I got work, I got bills, I got kids."
One Day at a Time
"Well, doesn't she help out?"
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, she gets the groceries, cooks, cleans,"
One Day at a Time
"spends time with the kids, does the laundry..."
One Day at a Time
"Sounds like she does everything."
One Day at a Time
"Well, it does when I say it out loud."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, I'm not explaining this right."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, yeah."
One Day at a Time
"Hey, Schneider, I am just about to leave. What's up?"
One Day at a Time
"I just came down to get my afternoon café con leche"
One Day at a Time
"and kiss on the cheek from your mom,"
One Day at a Time
"- but she's still not here. - What?"
One Day at a Time
"- Three? - Yeah."
One Day at a Time
"Carmen, Elena's best friend?"
One Day at a Time
"We have got to catch you up."
One Day at a Time
"Takin' you off speaker."
One Day at a Time
"Great. Now she's gonna send her flying monkeys after me."
One Day at a Time
"Anyway..."
One Day at a Time
"I appreciate you helping me out."
One Day at a Time
"Ah, it's cool. I had to get out of my apartment."
One Day at a Time
"I called her an uber this morning. The guy never showed."
One Day at a Time
"Maybe it's a sign."
One Day at a Time
"Should I marry her?"
One Day at a Time
"Schneider, I gotta go."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, now I'm worried."
One Day at a Time
"She's never not been home when the kids get there."
One Day at a Time
"And plus, she's 70."
One Day at a Time
"You know, the entire world is one giant, wet bathroom floor."
One Day at a Time
"Where would a devout catholic woman go"
One Day at a Time
"after an argument with her daughter about religion?"
One Day at a Time
"Thank you."
One Day at a Time
"Hi, Mami."
One Day at a Time
"Because I'm an ignorant, old woman married to prayer?"
One Day at a Time
"But... you are here."
One Day at a Time
"Hi, birdie."
One Day at a Time
"She is such a suck-up."
One Day at a Time
"She thinks she's tan fancy because her four grandsons are altar boys."
One Day at a Time
"Move over."
One Day at a Time
"So..."
One Day at a Time
"Have you been here all day?"
One Day at a Time
"Getting decorating ideas?"
One Day at a Time
"No..."
One Day at a Time
"I have been riding around this morning in something called El uber."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, wow. That must've been expensive."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, I think that car was for stick girl."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, her."
One Day at a Time
"I feel terrible about our argument, but we gotta talk about some things."
One Day at a Time
"Okay."
One Day at a Time
"But you must keep your voice down,"
One Day at a Time
"So... I may have overreacted last night,"
One Day at a Time
"but you have to understand, I'm not gonna be a mom for much longer."
One Day at a Time
"Elena is having her quinces."
One Day at a Time
"I understand what you are saying."
One Day at a Time
"- Don't put me in a home. - What?"
One Day at a Time
"What, Mami? No, no. I wouldn't... I'm not gonna do..."
One Day at a Time
"I would never do that. I would never do that!"
One Day at a Time
"- Oh, no? - No!"
One Day at a Time
"I would never put you in a home."
One Day at a Time
"Mami, where is this coming from?"
One Day at a Time
"Your abuela..."
One Day at a Time
"Berto's mama, used to live with us..."
One Day at a Time
"And all day long, she would slice onions..."
One Day at a Time
"The most beautiful paper-thin onions."
One Day at a Time
"I remember."
One Day at a Time
"Nobody could slice an onion like abuela."
One Day at a Time
"Well, it's not that hard. You need a sharp knife, that's all."
One Day at a Time
"But it made her feel useful."
One Day at a Time
"So, one day we told her."
One Day at a Time
"Oh..."
One Day at a Time
"That's terrible."
One Day at a Time
"I know."
One Day at a Time
"I still get teary when I..."
One Day at a Time
"Slice an onion."
One Day at a Time
"Mami, you are the glue that holds our home together."
One Day at a Time
"Without you, we'd be on the street living in a cardboard box."
One Day at a Time
"You're just saying that to cheer me up."
One Day at a Time
"So, Mami..."
One Day at a Time
"Could you make me un cafecito in the morning for the rest of my life?"
One Day at a Time
"Claro."
One Day at a Time
"Aw..."
One Day at a Time
"She is like a bat!"
One Day at a Time
"And we'll be back Sunday, anyways."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, you know, we'll talk about that later."
One Day at a Time
"We'll talk... what's to talk about?"
One Day at a Time
"Well..."
One Day at a Time
"I'm just not sure I wanna go to church..."
One Day at a Time
"What?"
One Day at a Time
"She said she didn't want to go to church."
One Day at a Time
"Mami!"
One Day at a Time
"Don't do that!"
One Day at a Time
"Mami, por favor, vámonos ya,"
One Day at a Time
"I will pray for your eternal soul..."
One Day at a Time
"And then call El uber."
One Day at a Time
"Hi!"
One Day at a Time
"Welcome home, lupita!"
One Day at a Time
"We already started,"
One Day at a Time
"but I insisted nobody say anything interesting till you got here."
One Day at a Time
"Did you find abuelita?"
One Day at a Time
"Yeah, she's with Jesus now."
One Day at a Time
"Sorry. She's at church. Uh, poor choice of words."
One Day at a Time
"Uh, whoa! What do we have here?"
One Day at a Time
"Oh, nothing special, just some nutted quinoa,"
One Day at a Time
"wilted broccolini with radish micro-Greens,"
One Day at a Time
"and venison carpaccio on a bed of nettles."
One Day at a Time
"Grab a cedar plank and dig in."
One Day at a Time
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