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Clips from One Day at a Time - No Mass (S01E01)

"Oh, that story never gets old."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, man."
One Day at a Time
"Plus latina twilight over here."
One Day at a Time
"Careful. There's a lot of garlic in that chicken."
One Day at a Time
"Who would like a pastelito?"
One Day at a Time
"Mmm! You know what?"
One Day at a Time
"How about we go on a family hike this Saturday like we used to?"
One Day at a Time
"Mom, uh, Carmen and I need all Saturday for our history thing."
One Day at a Time
"It's educational."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, Saturday's out."
One Day at a Time
"How about we go on a hike Sunday morning before it gets hot?"
One Day at a Time
"So, we skip church."
One Day at a Time
"You seem to have forgot. We don't skip church."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, really?"
One Day at a Time
"My great uncle luisito skipped church,"
One Day at a Time
"and on the same day, he was crushed by a runaway tractor."
One Day at a Time
"Why don't you just go to church and then go hikin' after?"
One Day at a Time
"We're latinos, church takes all day."
One Day at a Time
"By the time you're done with mass"
One Day at a Time
"and you've said hello to fulano y fulana,"
One Day at a Time
"- it's five o'clock! - Oh, you exaggerate. 4:30."
One Day at a Time
"I wanna see these guys this weekend. Come on."
One Day at a Time
"'Cause I like them."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, no,"
One Day at a Time
"I have to put my foot down."
One Day at a Time
"Sundays we go to church..."
One Day at a Time
"And then, sometimes we go to applebee's."
One Day at a Time
"Well, I have a foot, too,"
One Day at a Time
"Well, I am putting both of my feet down."
One Day at a Time
"That's not your decision to make."
One Day at a Time
"It's Startin' to feel kinda like home in here."
One Day at a Time
"After all, abuelita, you don't even believe half that stuff."
One Day at a Time
"- I believe everything. - Really?"
One Day at a Time
"When you take the communion"
One Day at a Time
"you believe you're eating the actual flesh and blood of Jesus?"
One Day at a Time
"Ay, no, it's a symbol. Don't be gross."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, so, if you believe that, then you're protestant."
One Day at a Time
"There is no need for name-calling."
One Day at a Time
"All I know is that a good catholic does not skip church."
One Day at a Time
"Right, papito?"
One Day at a Time
"I like church. I see my friends."
One Day at a Time
"I eat some donuts."
One Day at a Time
"Now, this one gets it."
One Day at a Time
"When I get home, there's barely enough time to have a meal with the kids."
One Day at a Time
"Weekends are my only chance."
One Day at a Time
"So, this Sunday, no church. End of discussion."
One Day at a Time
"What? What'd she say?"
One Day at a Time
"I am raising my voice,"
One Day at a Time
"I'm their mother! I don't need to ask permission!"
One Day at a Time
"I decide."
One Day at a Time
"And I am your mother, and I decide what you decide."
One Day at a Time
"Don't make me choose between you."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, I'd choose Lydia because of her warm food and even warmer hugs."
One Day at a Time
"But I'd feel really bad about it."
One Day at a Time
"All right, everybody, go do your homework. Schneider, go call one of your moms."
One Day at a Time
"Fine."
One Day at a Time
"Guess I'll just go eat this all alone in front of my massive TV."
One Day at a Time
"- Thought that was at your dad's house... - I have one, too!"
One Day at a Time
"Ay."
One Day at a Time
"and you're making decisions that I should be making."
One Day at a Time
"- ¿Ah, Sí? - Yeah."
One Day at a Time
"Like, I don't like the kids having dessert every night."
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"Oh, come on. Es una cosita."
One Day at a Time
"So, I killed your father?"
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"Mami, look around."
One Day at a Time
"I told you, I don't want crosses and pope stuff everywhere."
One Day at a Time
"My apartment looks like Jesus' pinterest page."
One Day at a Time
"This is my house,"
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"and I decide if I want obese kids or the pope staring at me while I pee."
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"I cook, I clean, I teach the children manners..."
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"But if I should have an opinion, you want me to keep my mouth shut."
One Day at a Time
"Ay, exactly."
One Day at a Time
"- Thank you for understanding... - No!"
One Day at a Time
"So I am a servant?"
One Day at a Time
"Like cinderella? No, cinderbuela."
One Day at a Time
"No more!"
One Day at a Time
"You don't like what I am doing, I won't do it."
One Day at a Time
"- Mami, please. - I'll be in my servant's quarters."
One Day at a Time
"Slam!"
One Day at a Time
"I have to say "slam" because you would not give me a door!"
One Day at a Time
"What?"
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"Yeah! Oh."
One Day at a Time
"Where's abuelita?"
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"- Pouting. - Where's breakfast?"
One Day at a Time
"Working on it."
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"I'm... I'm working on it."
One Day at a Time
"You're kidding, right?"
One Day at a Time
"How can you not know where your pants are at?"
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"Abuelita washed them. She said my cuffs looked shabby."
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"Who am I to disagree?"
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"All right, Mami, you win!"
One Day at a Time
"Where's abuelita?"
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"She's small. She's probably under something."
One Day at a Time
"I think your abuelita has run away from home."
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"- Hello, Schneider. Listen, have you... - Wow!"
One Day at a Time
"Nah, come on, it's not that big. But let's talk in the parlor."
One Day at a Time
"Gosh, no."
One Day at a Time
"Then why do I smell fried plantains and Cuban coffee?"
One Day at a Time
"Fine! She spent the night."
One Day at a Time
"But I want you to know, nothing happened."
One Day at a Time
"She's funny, she's charming, and when she gets angry,"
One Day at a Time
"she cleans."
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"After last night's ugliness,"
One Day at a Time
"she spent the night and left without saying goodbye,"
One Day at a Time
"so she already knows the drill."
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"Unlike some people."
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"What was that? And why was she drinking my coffee?"
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"Well, when my family oasis blew up last night,"
One Day at a Time
"I had to seek solace in the arms of..."
One Day at a Time
"Your mom called her the "stick girl" and made her eat Plato De huevos."
One Day at a Time
"Did abuelita forget to give her her pants, too?"
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"Well, there's no reason to get lawyers involved."
One Day at a Time
"Katie, if I raised my voice the other night, I'm sorry."
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"And I'm sorry for that, too. And that."
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"No, no, wait, wait, no."
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"Now I am not going to apologize for saying "unemployed,""
One Day at a Time
"because that's what you are."
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"and ask what happens"
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"No, no, of course, I believe in you. It's..."
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"And she's gone."
One Day at a Time
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