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Clips from The Odd Couple - Heal Thyself (S01E01)

"Oscar, are you okay?"
The Odd Couple
"No, I just got a little dizzy."
The Odd Couple
"Wow, he just appears out of nowhere. Amazing."
The Odd Couple
"That's just off the top of my head."
The Odd Couple
"Yes. I've got a huge pain in my ass."
The Odd Couple
"You're 20% of my income."
The Odd Couple
"And a dear, dear friend."
The Odd Couple
"Dani, get me two Wilmas."
The Odd Couple
"They're just gonna nag me about my diet and lack of exercise,"
The Odd Couple
"and I already have you for that."
The Odd Couple
"Frank, love the haircut."
The Odd Couple
"Annie, I tried that three-bean chili recipe of yours."
The Odd Couple
"Not your fault. It's back here."
The Odd Couple
"that we're friends, she'll give you the best possible treatment."
The Odd Couple
"Oscar Madison."
The Odd Couple
"It's got a little bit of sports history."
The Odd Couple
"Nervous Mervous."
The Odd Couple
"Patient complains of vertigo,"
The Odd Couple
"How did I not know about that?"
The Odd Couple
"- All right. - I'm not dizzy."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, it's just a little blockage; nothing to worry about."
The Odd Couple
"but, yes, Felix can be a bit of a hypochondriac."
The Odd Couple
"Must be tough being his roommate."
The Odd Couple
"Yeah, some days, but then, other days, like this,"
The Odd Couple
"he introduces me to a beautiful, sophisticated lady doctor."
The Odd Couple
"- Okay, Annie, you're a Pisces, right? - Mm-hmm."
The Odd Couple
""The month ahead brings exciting opportunities."
The Odd Couple
"Felix, you remembered!"
The Odd Couple
"The guy who used to dunk with his feet?"
The Odd Couple
"I'll see you Tuesday at 7:00."
The Odd Couple
"Looking forward to it."
The Odd Couple
"She'll be furious, she'll blame me,"
The Odd Couple
"Well, at least he won't fall off."
The Odd Couple
"Still no feeling. I'm starting to get concerned."
The Odd Couple
"- Hi. - I see you finished the chair."
The Odd Couple
"So, what are you two up to?"
The Odd Couple
"Ooh. The one without the mustard stain."
The Odd Couple
"I'm fine."
The Odd Couple
"- Felix, I'm on a date. - Uh-huh."
The Odd Couple
"- like a high-pitched whining. - Yeah."
The Odd Couple
"Funny, we hear it, too."
The Odd Couple
"- I would love to. - Okay."
The Odd Couple
"I was just thinking the same thing."
The Odd Couple
"and I'm a little bit older,"
The Odd Couple
"Well, maybe this will make you feel more secure."
The Odd Couple
"and I don't have my instruments, so..."
The Odd Couple
"I can't take it anymore."
The Odd Couple
"but now that we're dating, I'll never be away from him."
The Odd Couple
"I think I have to drop him as a patient."
The Odd Couple
"I'm sure he's got a cardiologist on speed-dial."
The Odd Couple
"Let's get out of here."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, please."
The Odd Couple
"Because I haven't had children yet."
The Odd Couple
"Why are you guys still here?"
The Odd Couple
"and I think tonight's gonna be the night."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, great, everybody's here."
The Odd Couple
"I am riddled with SNeRD."
The Odd Couple
"SNeRD."
The Odd Couple
"with patient zero, aka Alojz Prochazka."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, why are you showing me that?"
The Odd Couple
"That's a horrible way to die, isn't it?"
The Odd Couple
"of getting it are one in a million."
The Odd Couple
"must have a fanciful imagination?"
The Odd Couple
"- Oh, that's disgusting. - Mm-hmm."
The Odd Couple
"before Sharon gets here."
The Odd Couple
"I have been known to make a mountain"
The Odd Couple
"But polio's been gone since the '50s."
The Odd Couple
"No..."
The Odd Couple
"- Hi. - Hello."
The Odd Couple
"- Good. - Fit as a fiddle."
The Odd Couple
"- In the pink and in the prime. - Good."
The Odd Couple
"Yes?"
The Odd Couple
"Hey, Sharon, I didn't hear you come in. Everything okay?"
The Odd Couple
"Normal people having a normal conversation."
The Odd Couple
"Okay, well we should go."
The Odd Couple
"Can I get you a drink?"
The Odd Couple
"I spend my whole life surrounded by hypochondriacs like Felix."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, actually, that's real."
The Odd Couple
"It is?"
The Odd Couple
"who's terrified she might have it."
The Odd Couple
"I-I thought it was a million to one."
The Odd Couple
"When you say this disease is horrible..."
The Odd Couple
"Seriously? You really want to know?"
The Odd Couple
"It starts out like a cold."
The Odd Couple
"- and then you... - Okay, I get the gist."
The Odd Couple
"Oh."
The Odd Couple
"You know..."
The Odd Couple
"I am going to really try to be more like my friend Oscar."
The Odd Couple
"That guy never worries about anything."
The Odd Couple
"No, no, no, I'm just, uh, playing hard to get."
The Odd Couple
"Yes, you're a beautiful woman in my bed."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, I'm hot."
The Odd Couple
"Well, I'll go crank the AC."
The Odd Couple
"A sexy..."
The Odd Couple
"sanitizing shower."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, come on, Oscar. Not you too?"
The Odd Couple
"You dragged me to the doctor."
The Odd Couple
"I did, and I'm sorry. I have a problem, but Emily and I"
The Odd Couple
"This is empty. Where's your emergency stash?"
The Odd Couple
"Face it, Oscar, we're both hypochondriacs,"
The Odd Couple
"and you never go to the doctor so that you can live in denial."
The Odd Couple
"Death."
The Odd Couple
"But Oscar, you see, we can help each other through this,"
The Odd Couple
"Nosebleed. Her organs are melting. She's got SNeRD!"
The Odd Couple
"- protecting me or using me as a shield? - Protecting you."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, are you kidding me?"
The Odd Couple
"and your basketball hit me in the face."
The Odd Couple
"Okay, you know what?"
The Odd Couple
"Dr. McManus and I are no longer seeing each other."
The Odd Couple
"You're a brave little girl."
The Odd Couple
"We've got your records for you."
The Odd Couple
"I want you people to know that you are more"
The Odd Couple
"You are family."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, wonder who's gonna get it."
The Odd Couple
"The overworked assistant who's building your new chair,"
The Odd Couple
"or the pretty princess boss who won't get off his lazy ass."
The Odd Couple
"Hey, guys."
The Odd Couple
"He can't hear you."
The Odd Couple
"There's something going on with his hearing."
The Odd Couple
"Isn't that right, Lazy Ass?"
The Odd Couple
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