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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

"God, the one time in my life she acts like a human being, and it's now."
Archer (2009)
"Was it when I wanted a puppy? No."
Archer (2009)
"Was it when I wanted cornrows? No."
Archer (2009)
"But maybe she's right."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, the kid's cool, and I'm obviously awesome."
Archer (2009)
"So maybe I would be a good father."
Archer (2009)
"Shut up. They took a liter from me."
Archer (2009)
"And as the 24 hours of uninterrupted vault footage shows..."
Archer (2009)
"...except for those nine frames of static there..."
Archer (2009)
"...out of sight of ODIN personnel. - We get it. Let's move on, Barry."
Archer (2009)
"And since you all witnessed the blood sample..."
Archer (2009)
"...being taken from the wee baby Seamus..."
Archer (2009)
"...to ever contest the results of this paternity test."
Archer (2009)
"So move on, Barry."
Archer (2009)
"And so said test results conclude..."
Archer (2009)
"...that Archer is in fact the father. - What?"
Archer (2009)
"Wait a minute. No, no. No, that's..."
Archer (2009)
"- No, no, no. - Really super expensive."
Archer (2009)
"That's a schedule for child support payments."
Archer (2009)
"First of the month works best for us."
Archer (2009)
"Somebody could've broken in the vault."
Archer (2009)
"- Come on, nine frames is... - A glitch."
Archer (2009)
"...no one, no one, Archer, could ever prove it."
Archer (2009)
"And who would even want to?"
Archer (2009)
"Not a handsome blond cripple like me."
Archer (2009)
"- Wait a minute! - So kudos, buddy."
Archer (2009)
"- Let's go drink some kudos. - Yeah, let's do that."
Archer (2009)
"- But... - Clink, clink. Heh, heh, heh."
Archer (2009)
"- I don't understand how this happened. - Well, from what I can tell..."
Archer (2009)
"...it had something to do with disgustingly kinky sex and a candy bar."
Archer (2009)
"A candy bar! Mother, I'm not the father, it was..."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril, that thing is huge."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, how'd you even get this thing...?"
Archer (2009)
"You son of a snack-eating-ass bitch."
Archer (2009)
"- I'm sorry. - How can you cheat on Lana bareback?"
Archer (2009)
"- I'm a sex addict. - What the...? That's not even a real thing."
Archer (2009)
"And the guilt from sex makes me binge, then I feel fat..."
Archer (2009)
"Shit-ass."
Archer (2009)
"- And Barry just wanted to frame me. - You don't fool me."
Archer (2009)
"You had the chance to make the switch, but you couldn't."
Archer (2009)
"And I never thought I'd say this, but, Sterling, you did the right thing."
Archer (2009)
"No, I didn't. L... l..."
Archer (2009)
"The thing I thought was right, but not what people think is right."
Archer (2009)
"Maybe you're turning into people."
Archer (2009)
"- But I don't wanna be people. - And I didn't wanna be a grandmother."
Archer (2009)
"- But c'est la vie, dear. - Yeah, and c'est la child support."
Archer (2009)
"- Well, just tighten your belt. - My belt?"
Archer (2009)
"- You said you were here for us. - I am, dear."
Archer (2009)
"- But with the economy how it is... - What?"
Archer (2009)
"- My money isn't."
Archer (2009)
"Mother, you're in a limousine."
Archer (2009)
"And if I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, I'd be a teacher."
Archer (2009)
"Sorry, dear, I have a fitting."
Archer (2009)
"[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]"
Archer (2009)
"Fitting. And that's why people in this family shouldn't have children."
Archer (2009)
"Wretched horrible ants!"
Archer (2009)
"Ants are gonna be the least of your worries, smackhound."
Archer (2009)
"Running around barefoot like that."
Archer (2009)
""Hello, hookworms. Get in my feet.""
Archer (2009)
"Some kind of worms will go in your feet."
Archer (2009)
"[English - US - SDH]"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, but Cyril was... Oh, wait."
Archer (2009)
"BARRY: Under ODIN guard, the sample is taken to the vault of First Savings Bank."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril, you are not to blame, you are merely a victim of sexual addiction."
Archer (2009)
"Who dragged out all this old crap?"
Archer (2009)
"Why are you and Mother in my room, going through my things?"
Archer (2009)
"[GASPS]"
Archer (2009)
"My God, I haven't seen this junk in..."
Archer (2009)
"You're okay, Taterhead."
Archer (2009)
"[BABY CRYING]"
Archer (2009)
"And they're expecting you."
Archer (2009)
"- So she had a lot of...? - You kidding?"
Archer (2009)
"How could I show my face around town if...?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, right?"
Archer (2009)
"Five grams of junk says I can shoot a piña colada off your wife's head."
Archer (2009)
"- Uh-huh. - Prancing around in their stirrup pants."
Archer (2009)
"[LANA GROANS]"
Archer (2009)