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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

"We'll see you still being an asshole."
Archer (2009)
"So have you ever thought about having a baby?"
Archer (2009)
"I don't know, sometimes I think, you know, I'd like to adopt a little baby."
Archer (2009)
"So I could abandon it at a mall."
Archer (2009)
"That answers my follow-up question."
Archer (2009)
"- Cyril, you're insulting me. Toast. - L..."
Archer (2009)
"And what's there to toast about, anyway?"
Archer (2009)
"How about that upper decker I just left in the master bath?"
Archer (2009)
"[SHUDDERS]"
Archer (2009)
"- Come on, Ray. - Sploosh. Called it three drinks ago."
Archer (2009)
"- Come on, we both have amazing genes. GILLETTE: What did I say?"
Archer (2009)
"Nobody... I'm... We're not... I'm not arguing that we're both hot, but..."
Archer (2009)
"Ray, you can do it. And I can watch."
Archer (2009)
"The door. Like a lookout."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and here's to child support."
Archer (2009)
"I'll see you around, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"And I'll see you at the lawyer's office, granny."
Archer (2009)
"[BELCHES]"
Archer (2009)
"- Toast, damn you. - No."
Archer (2009)
"- Toast. - Jeezy petes, with you people."
Archer (2009)
"- And cue the collective sigh of relief. - Oh, shut up."
Archer (2009)
"Hey, I just ran all the way to the drugstore a liter low on blood..."
Archer (2009)
"...so I am in no mood, Mother. - Oh, and I am?"
Archer (2009)
"Cyril won't drink, so we'll have to find another way to..."
Archer (2009)
"- Woodhouse, dear. - Yes, mum."
Archer (2009)
"- I assume you're holding? - Holding?"
Archer (2009)
"- Why, just this tray of... - Don't bullshit me, you old dope fiend."
Archer (2009)
"After that scrape I got you out of?"
Archer (2009)
"Let's liven things up, Burroughs."
Archer (2009)
"A hundred thousand pesos in bribes, and my stomach's never been the same."
Archer (2009)
"- What the hell was that? - Who knows?"
Archer (2009)
"I didn't have a sip of water the entire time I was down there."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, listen to you, Mr. Judgy. - What?"
Archer (2009)
"- Cyril, you are... - Preaching to the choir, buddy."
Archer (2009)
"- And what's that supposed to mean? - It means I understand, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"Because I, too, suffer from sexual addiction."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, you're just a dirty stomp-around. - Yeah, that's what society calls it."
Archer (2009)
"- But you know how it is to be surrounded... - By women, yes."
Archer (2009)
"- And their crotchless panties. - I didn't even know they had those."
Archer (2009)
"- Pretty sexy, picture it. - I have to take care of something."
Archer (2009)
"Medicine cabinet, Cyril. Top left. Big bottle of coconut suntan oil."
Archer (2009)
"Man, I sh... I shouldn't be drinking this low on blood."
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: What are you...?"
Archer (2009)
"- What are you doing to me? - Shut up."
Archer (2009)
"What's with all this glass?"
Archer (2009)
"- I brained him with the absinthe bottle. - Why?"
Archer (2009)
"- But if he was already knocked out... - I..."
Archer (2009)
"- Gonna be an itchy weekend. - It serves you right, Smacky Brown."
Archer (2009)
"God, how are you even still alive? Holy shit, how am I still alive?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, that, plus all those melon balls. I had about nine of them."
Archer (2009)
"- Why the hell were you drinking? - Uh, hello?"
Archer (2009)
"- It's a party. - It's a baby shower..."
Archer (2009)
"...for the bastard child you humped into a filthy whore."
Archer (2009)
"So I'm obviously not saying now..."
Archer (2009)
"...but one of these days..."
Archer (2009)
"...you're gonna make the best grandma ever."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Oh, my God, these ODIN dicks."
Archer (2009)
""Hey, where did you get your turtleneck? The turtleneck store?""
Archer (2009)
"[LAUGHS]"
Archer (2009)
"Wow, I'm definitely missing that blood. Maybe if I drank some of Cyril's blood I'd..."
Archer (2009)
"But I do know a liter of melon balls can't replace a liter of blood..."
Archer (2009)
"...because I'm kind of drunk for this. Oh, shit. Nuts."
Archer (2009)
"[SIGHS]"
Archer (2009)
"[RINGTONE] ♫ Mulatto butts ♫"
Archer (2009)
"-Tastic."
Archer (2009)
"- What? LANA: What are you doing?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, you know, just living the dream, Lana."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Oh, yeah? Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah."
Archer (2009)
"- I'm going through your stuff. - Why are you in my house?"
Archer (2009)
"There's still a few stragglers trying to keep the party going."
Archer (2009)
"[SNORING]"
Archer (2009)
"Cyril. Hey, you awake?"
Archer (2009)
"Ants. All over my body."
Archer (2009)
"So shut up and help me find the nutmeg, and I'll make you some Malcolm X tea."
Archer (2009)
"And you know what's fricking lame?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Phased plasma laser countermeasures?"
Archer (2009)
"No, what's lame is that you told me a jillion times you never wanted kids."
Archer (2009)
"Uh..."
Archer (2009)
"And I move on with my life, and then, bam, you drill one into a hooker."
Archer (2009)
"- It wasn't exactly planned, Lana. - Okay, shut up, but..."
Archer (2009)
"Did you ever think about you and me having a baby?"
Archer (2009)
"I mean... Well, maybe that one time, when we had that little scare."
Archer (2009)
"Wha...? Is that a fricking candy bar?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, but think you need the calories?"
Archer (2009)
"You're such a prick. I mean, who the..."
Archer (2009)
"My diary is by the Barbie playhouse and the key's in a locket on Mr. Teddy."
Archer (2009)
"Cannot picture him as a baby. You know?"
Archer (2009)
"I just see an adult him, but tiny."
Archer (2009)
"- Like a little Archer G.I. Joe. - Mm-hm."
Archer (2009)
"[LANA GROANS]"
Archer (2009)
"Aw. His little christening gown."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Pam, get off Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"- I was trying to get him off, buttinsky. - Out."
Archer (2009)
"- Cyril came on to me. - Oh, shut up, he's totally passed out."
Archer (2009)
"Really. Hey, Cyril."
Archer (2009)
"How's it hanging, buddy?"
Archer (2009)
"His first pair of lacrosse cleats."
Archer (2009)
"His first smoking jacket."
Archer (2009)
"And oh, my... His first black turtleneck."
Archer (2009)
"Can't believe Lana and Mother. No respect for people's privacy, no..."
Archer (2009)
"MAN [ON RINGTONE]: Black-ass mama"
Archer (2009)
"[SINGING] White-ass daddy"
Archer (2009)
"Shit's tight, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"Yo, where you at, mama?"
Archer (2009)
"- And why are you calling me right now? MALORY: I had to, before it's too late."
Archer (2009)
"- What? - I don't want you to do it, Sterling."
Archer (2009)
"- What? - I know you didn't plan on this baby..."
Archer (2009)
"...but, Sterling, sometimes the unexpected things can turn out..."
Archer (2009)
"...to be the most important things in the whole world."
Archer (2009)
"Wow, you sound shitfaced."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, listen to you, Mr. Melon Balls."
Archer (2009)
"- And yes, maybe I've had a few. - Really?"
Archer (2009)
"Enough to admit that even though I wasn't always Mother of the Year..."
Archer (2009)
"- Ha! ...I can change. And you can change."
Archer (2009)
"And maybe together we could add up to one good parent for this baby."
Archer (2009)
"- But I'm, like, right here. - And I'm right here."
Archer (2009)
"- For both of you. - Mother, I'm not sure I'm ready."
Archer (2009)
"Sterling, no one's ever sure they're ready for a child."
Archer (2009)
"That's why it's so scary, and that's why it's so special."
Archer (2009)
"So please, dear, do the right thing."
Archer (2009)
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