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Clips from New Girl - Pilot (S01E01)

"Look at you, in the back of the cab, totally naked."
New Girl
"- I came home early. - Jess. What...?"
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"Uh..."
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"- Uh, how soon can you move in? - Schmidt, slow up."
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"No, look, I gotta go, okay? All right, love you. Bye."
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"- I'm not calling Caroline. Shh. - Nick, hear me out..."
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"Had the time of my life"
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"Jess, I'm gonna take the remote. Pshew."
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"First of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references..."
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"You know what, Jess, come on. Let's just take the head off the couch."
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"Come on. Sit up, girl. There you go."
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"There we go."
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"I think that sounds nice."
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"I'm not calling my ex-girlfriend to get you into a party."
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"We go every year. You have no idea what I'm going through at work."
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"reminds me that I'm still a man and I can still motorboat a hot girl..."
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"which is not racist, because it is for a good cause."
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"Hello, Caroline. I still love you."
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"Spin, woman! Spin! Aah!"
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"You... I..."
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"Okay, Jess, game time. Let's do this. You wanna forget about Spencer..."
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"You got it. Go make it happen."
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"- Get 'em up! Grind it out. - Go do it."
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"- Don't talk to me. - Yeah, okay."
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"I heard it's not gonna be that good this year. No?"
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"- Get me in the party. I'm begging you. - I'm not calling."
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"What if God was one of us?"
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"Make it stop!"
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"Because I have a penis."
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"That means more breasts for me. Ha-ha-ha."
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"- Coach, would you please hold me back? - No."
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"Know what? You guys were totally right."
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"I'm okay."
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"What is it, Cece? Cecilia? Heh. Checilia?"
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"- I'm a little warm. - Don't."
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"- Douche-bag. - Listen to me, you guys."
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"I'm gonna come here and crazy-murder you."
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"Is that bad?"
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"Honestly, I..."
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"- Okay. Let's get that drink. - Get along, little doggy."
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"See you inside, Schmidt."
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"- This is our night. - I'm going with Nick. You coming?"
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"All that's left is, like, a... It's, like... It's kind of like a health bread."
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"- One man just isn't enough for her. - Okay."
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"- What is that? - Don't start crying."
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"- Come on. - It's cool."
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"- Coach. - All right."
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"It's okay. Hey, don't cry."
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"Hey."
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"So you know in horror movies when the girl's like:"
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""Oh, my God, there's something in the basement."
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"Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on.""
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"And you're like, "What is your problem? Call the police.""
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"She's like, "Okay," but it's too late because she's getting murdered?"
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"Well, my story's kind of like that."
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"It's a surprise for Spencer."
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"I'm gonna walk in, gonna drop my coat on the ground."
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"He says he had this fantasy that I'm a stripper with a heart of gold..."
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"and he's helping me put myself through college."
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"He didn't say the college part, did he?"
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"Um, no. I wanted to create a three-dimensional sex character."
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"Really? What's your stripper name?"
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"Uh..."
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"Rebecca Johnson."
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"Your stripper name's Rebecca Johnson?"
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"Boobies Johnson. "Two Boobs" Johnson."
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"I am so proud of you."
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"Hello."
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"Who's Jess?"
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"You're talking to Tiger Boobs."
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"Oh."
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"- Just... - She's doing sexy stuff"
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"To the plant right..."
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"- Whoa, okay. - I'll pick that up later"
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"Who's that girl?"
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"Who's that girl?"
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"It's Jess."
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"So that happened."
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"That's why I need a new apartment."
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"I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
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"Do you have any pets?"
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"- Who's that girl? - Who's that girl?"
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"- Who's that girl? - Who's that girl?"
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"It's Jess"
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"You know what's funny?"
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"When I saw your ad on Craigslist, I thought you were women."
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"We're all... Why would you think that? That's crazy."
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"- I mean, what...? - Schmidt wrote the ad."
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"Oh. I guess it was something about the words you used."
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"It was like, "sun-soaked" and "beige-y.""
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"Okay. - What are you doing?"
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"What about these? These look beige-y to you?"
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"Sorry."
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"I'm his trainer, so it's kind of the house that Coach built right here."
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"What are we looking at? Baby smooth."
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"This is LLS. Ladies Love Schmidt."
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"What? What did you just say? Go put a dollar in the jar right now."
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"- Are you serious? - Yeah."
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"LLS? What is wrong with you?"
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"This place is beautiful. It gets so much light."
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"Spencer hated light."
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"- It's hard to say his name. - It's okay."
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"Nick knows. He got dumped."
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"Dumped. Yeah, I got dumped."
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"I can't hear you. That means we're not breaking up."
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"- I can't hear you. La-la-la! - I'm breaking up with you."
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"Yeah, I got dumped."
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"She dumped me. And I'm over it."
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"Okay? It was six months ago, guys. Get past it."
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"I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Why's everybody looking at me?"
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"You know what, I wanna live here."
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"Actually, I still have some questions."
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"No offense, you know, but we barely know you."
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"Yeah, okay, yeah. So full disclosure..."
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"I'm kind of emotional right now because of the breakup..."
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"so I'll probably be watching Dirty Dancing..."
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"at least six or seven times a day."
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"Um, I'm a teacher, so I bring home a lot of Popsicle sticks, stuff like that."
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"Also, I like to sing to myself a lot."
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"A lot"
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