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Clips from Will & Grace - Secrets and Lays (S01E01)

"and she can sniff whoever sh--"
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"- Leave me alone. Jack. - All right. you know what. caller?"
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"- That's nuts. - Nuts like a fox. Will."
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"Part of you wishes that you could have Grace in that way--"
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"Iet your hands slide down the back..."
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"I don't know how the heteros do it with the hoo hoos and hee hee."
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"you are jealous."
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"Don't you agree?"
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"What are you watching?"
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"I don't know. they're doing a lot of jumping."
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"- I'm your toy? - I know. I know--"
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"I'm sorry."
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"I don't want to do a big thing about it. though."
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"No. Iet's just shorthand it."
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"- Are you okay? - Yeah."
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"and then I'm gonna sit on the couch with you and watch Lifetime."
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"- That Michelle Lee movie's on. - Which one?"
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""I'm Not Leaving Town Without My Daughter"
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"- Hi. - Hi."
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"I was in the Village. and I got to thinking."
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"if I took two subways and a bus transfer"
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"and then walked a half dozen blocks. I'd be right in the neighborhood."
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"You feel like getting a drink?"
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"I feel like I'm violating one of the commandments--"
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"I hope Will knows how lucky he is to have you in his life."
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"So... you know what Jack said?"
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"Yeah. well. Karen said the only reason I went for Sam"
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"is because he's the straight version of you."
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"So do you think we need to talk about this?"
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"Let's shorthand that too."
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"Oh. gosh. I'm sorry. I don't sleep with gay men."
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"- Sex dream. - No. actually. it wasn't."
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"I was on a fishing boat."
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"Really? 'Cause I'm getting a reading."
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"No. no. That's probably just because..."
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"I..."
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"Let me guess. Uh..."
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"Will. it wasn't the produce guy."
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"I've got mail."
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"So. who was it?"
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"Uh. it was your--"
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"Can you just call and nail down a time."
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"- It was Sam! - Oh my God!"
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"- I only know it was twice. - Oh my God!"
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"you'd be able to read my empathy."
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"Nothing will ever make me happy again."
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"- I've got a little gossip. - Yay!"
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"Oh..."
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"Okay. okay. okay. okay. okay. Hmm."
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"- Okay. - Three words."
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"- Okay. I got that one. - Yeah! Ha ha!"
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"Or are you gonna wait till the divorce is final?"
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"I just want you to be happy."
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"If you and the other "Children Of The Corn" will excuse me."
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"Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu- bu-bu-bu-bu-bu..."
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"What? What?"
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"Just like I own you. Klaus. Isn't that right?"
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"What?"
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"Ugh!"
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"The remote's over there and I'm..."
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"over here."
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"Do we have to laugh and cry and come to terms?"
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"even if you do have to pick him from my family tree."
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"Because I Have A Brain Tumor. But Don't Hit Me."
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"Good one."
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"I don't know that commandment. I only read up to 10."
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"- Call your brother. - Mm-hm."
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"Grace. do you want to sleep with me?"
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"Trampolina!"
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"Wow. he wants to meet me."
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"You want me to pick anything up while I'm there?"
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"On your stepchildren's--"
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"I've done jack."
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"Thank you."
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"I thought you were gonna tell him."
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"And now Grace. I got news for you."
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"What?!"
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"Go ahead. caller. you're on the air."
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"All right. I swear."
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"Okay. so. um. who did Grace?"
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"I'm having coffee with cyberdentist in like an hour."
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"- This is sick! - Okay. Will. please."
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"I'm going to change my clothes. because uh. yikes."
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"Wow! When?"
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"Oh. yeah!"
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"Forget it. I'm sorry I said that."
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"You know how..."
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"No. no. No. you know what?"
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"- I'm sorry. were you asleep? - Oh. yeah."
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"God. he's so freaked out about turning 30."
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"uh..."
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"And one fat-free "hucch" for me."
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"Oh. I know you are. poodle."
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"I'd never judge what you do with your romantic life."
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"- that I am my own person. - I'm outta here."
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"Just you."
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"Well. all right. Grace."
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"You can't have her. 'cause she's mine!"
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"It--"
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"- You've heard? - I've heard."
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"Honey. those aren't even words."
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"Are we taking the Girl Scout pledge?"
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"Come on. honey. I can't break a trust."
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"Maybe you're upset because you're jealous of Sam."
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"and you and your insignificant others."
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"Boobies."
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"- Will? - Hey."
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"Yeah. bye."
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"Grace. you blueberry tart."
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"Do it. Maybe he's "Hat.""
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"No one you know. So just don't even--"
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"Oh my God."
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"I'm 30."
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"I can't tell you."
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"Oh. wait--"
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"Will. you're foaming at the mouth."
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"This is not weird. Grace. Gay Republicans are weird."
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"- Could we at least sit... - This is just so typical of you. Sam."
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"What do you want me to say?"
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"You should talk. Mulan."
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