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Clips from Seinfeld - The Masseuse (S05E05)

"- You know, I forgot my wallet. - Well, I can't give it to you then."
Seinfeld
"- Are you kidding me? - I'm afraid not."
Seinfeld
"Come on, just look at me. Now tell me I'm not Kramer."
Seinfeld
"- I'm sorry. I need proof. - Look, I'll drive out here tomorrow..."
Seinfeld
"...and I'll show you the ID."
Seinfeld
"I got nothing to do all day."
Seinfeld
"Neither do I."
Seinfeld
"But without ID..."
Seinfeld
"...I need confirmation from the person who left the ticket."
Seinfeld
"Where's a phone?"
Seinfeld
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please."
Seinfeld
"Would Joel Rifkin report to the stadium office."
Seinfeld
"Joel Rifkin, telephone."
Seinfeld
"Who would be calling me here?"
Seinfeld
"He's not the murderer."
Seinfeld
"Oh, God."
Seinfeld
"- What's the matter with you? - Jerry, I need another massage."
Seinfeld
"You just had one. What do you need another one for?"
Seinfeld
"Because of the Giant game. I told you, it went overtime."
Seinfeld
"You know those seats. They're very unforgiving."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, please. - And then the game-winning field goal..."
Seinfeld
"...went over the net and into the crowd, and I dove over three rows."
Seinfeld
"My back, it's killing me."
Seinfeld
"It's killing me, Jerry!"
Seinfeld
"- Well, did you get the ball? - Oh, I got the ball."
Seinfeld
"I never caught a foul ball at a baseball game."
Seinfeld
"Well, it's quite a thrill."
Seinfeld
"- Well, get somebody else. - Nobody does it like she does."
Seinfeld
"- She's the best. - Tonight's the night."
Seinfeld
"I'm getting one. No ifs, ands or buts."
Seinfeld
"- Well, what about my massage? - Ask Newman."
Seinfeld
"So I lugged that table, that big, heavy massage table..."
Seinfeld
"...all the way down to the cab!"
Seinfeld
"- You ever see one of those things? - Of course."
Seinfeld
"Well, I don't know. Maybe you haven't."
Seinfeld
"You know. Not everybody's seen a massage table."
Seinfeld
"You think I've never had a massage?"
Seinfeld
"Anyway, I don't even get a thank you. I don't get it."
Seinfeld
"George, frankly, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about her."
Seinfeld
"I wanna know what I did to this woman."
Seinfeld
"You got a little thing for her?"
Seinfeld
"No, no. She's going out with a friend of mine."
Seinfeld
"It's only courteous to try and like each other."
Seinfeld
"What's the difference? Who cares if she doesn't like you."
Seinfeld
"Does everybody in the world have to like you?"
Seinfeld
"Yes. Yes. Everybody has to like me. I must be liked."
Seinfeld
"Of course I support your decision to change your name."
Seinfeld
"After the Giant game, I realized that this problem isn't going away."
Seinfeld
"Well, listen, I just want you to know..."
Seinfeld
"...that I was more than willing to stick it out with Joel Rifkin."
Seinfeld
"Sure."
Seinfeld
"- Okay, you got your list? - Yeah, yeah. Ten names."
Seinfeld
"- Great. - Okay, and if somebody objects..."
Seinfeld
"- ...you can just veto it. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"Okay, you start. What's your first choice?"
Seinfeld
"- Stuart. - No. Second choice."
Seinfeld
"Stuart's no good?"
Seinfeld
"I have never met a normal guy named Stuart."
Seinfeld
"Okay. My second choice is Todd."
Seinfeld
"Todd."
Seinfeld
"No. Veto."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Hey, I think you're gonna like my third choice."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, great. - Alex."
Seinfeld
"I gotta tell you, I have a bad association with the name Alex."
Seinfeld
"- Bad association? - In college, I sat next to an Alex..."
Seinfeld
"...in art history. He always drank coffee..."
Seinfeld
"...and after every sip, he would go:"
Seinfeld
"I mean, every two seconds:"
Seinfeld
"And he would take, like, 40 sips, and after every one:"
Seinfeld
"I had to drop the class."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"I was running late, and I didn't have a chance..."
Seinfeld
"...to drop off my stuff before I came over."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no problem. That's fine."
Seinfeld
"What's with this music?"
Seinfeld
"It's New Age music."
Seinfeld
"Sounds of the forest."
Seinfeld
"I find it soothing."
Seinfeld
"Look at this. What do you know? A massage table."
Seinfeld
"This is great."
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? - Just checking it out."
Seinfeld
"Look at how this thing is made."
Seinfeld
"Can I tell you something? That's a hell of a piece of equipment."
Seinfeld
"- Actually, I should get a new one. - Nonsense. This one's fine."
Seinfeld
"- So where do you wanna go? - Go? Why go anywhere?"
Seinfeld
"That feels good."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, that's..."
Seinfeld
"That's good."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, that's nice. That's very nice."
Seinfeld
"No. No, this isn't good. I can't do this."
Seinfeld
"Why? What's wrong?"
Seinfeld
"- I can't. - No. Yes, you can."
Seinfeld
"- No, I can't. - Yes. Come on, I know..."
Seinfeld
"...it's something you wanna do."
Seinfeld
"You know what?"
Seinfeld
"I should go talk to her."
Seinfeld
"Nothing confrontational. Just two adults sitting down..."
Seinfeld
"...trying to clear the air."
Seinfeld
"I know if I could spend some time alone with her..."
Seinfeld
"- I've got to. I've got to. - You're going now?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I think I can still catch her."
Seinfeld
"All right, George, I have had just about enough of this."
Seinfeld
"- What are you talking about? - I am talking about you and Jodi."
Seinfeld
"You're completely obsessed with her."
Seinfeld
"I know. I know."
Seinfeld
"Who is more important to you, her or me?"
Seinfeld
"I like you, she doesn't. Who you gonna pick?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, Karen. I care for you..."
Seinfeld
"...but I can't stand when someone doesn't like me."
Seinfeld
"- Well, now I hate you! - That, I'm used to."
Seinfeld
"- Ned? - What is wrong with Ned?"
Seinfeld
"Ned's a guy who buys irregular underwear. Next."
Seinfeld
"- Ellis. - Ellis? You might as well go with Alex."
Seinfeld
"- It's the same thing. - Ellis and Alex aren't even close."
Seinfeld
"- Next! - Oh, what's the point?"
Seinfeld
"- Now, no, come on! - Okay. Okay."
Seinfeld
"Remy."
Seinfeld
"Remy Rifkin?"
Seinfeld
"Should I get a beret?"
Seinfeld
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