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Clips from Master of None - Hot Ticket (S01E01)

"It means hugs and kisses."
Master of None
"No."
Master of None
""XOXO" means, "Go fuck yourself.""
Master of None
"Hmm."
Master of None
"Well, if that's true, then all the letters"
Master of None
"my grandmother wrote me ended with,"
Master of None
""Go fuck yourself. Grandma.""
Master of None
"Can you believe this, man?"
Master of None
"I had three days."
Master of None
"She killed all my days."
Master of None
"Why are people so rude?"
Master of None
"I'm a person."
Master of None
"I'm not just a bubble in a phone."
Master of None
"Let's just be nice."
Master of None
"I asked this girl out a few weeks ago."
Master of None
"She said nothing."
Master of None
"They give you silence. Why?"
Master of None
"Make some shit up! You know?"
Master of None
"Uh, "I'm going to buy an air conditioner.""
Master of None
"Uh, "Just put a stew on, might be a few hours.""
Master of None
""Got struck by lightning while holding hands with a 12-year-old."
Master of None
"We switched bodies. Now I got to go to class.""
Master of None
"That'd be great!"
Master of None
"Gets the message across. No one's hurt."
Master of None
"Yeah, but here's why you got to silence these fools, though."
Master of None
"Some people don't understand"
Master of None
"the "'I'm busy' three times means no" code."
Master of None
"Look, I met this girl Michelle, right?"
Master of None
"Was not into her."
Master of None
"So I gave her a few, you know, polite, busy excuses."
Master of None
"- Mm-hmm. - Then this happened."
Master of None
"Hey, Denise,"
Master of None
"it's Michelle, AKA Princess Love."
Master of None
"Got your text. You're busy. It's cool."
Master of None
"But do you like haunted houses?"
Master of None
"My brother's a bouncer at one, and he can totally hook us up."
Master of None
"Wait, her brother's a bouncer at a haunted house?"
Master of None
"What happens, sometimes the ghouls act up or something?"
Master of None
"Wow, Denise, you are a busy lady."
Master of None
"But I'm gonna keep calling."
Master of None
"It's Princess Love."
Master of None
"Princess Love here!"
Master of None
"Sorry you couldn't make it to my niece's slam poetry show."
Master of None
"But look, come out this afternoon."
Master of None
"I'm shopping for towels."
Master of None
"Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns."
Master of None
"Now she has another nickname? Lil' Funyuns?"
Master of None
"Yo, I think I know this girl."
Master of None
"She DJs at my massage class sometimes and she plays"
Master of None
"a cool mix of Eastern and chill wave."
Master of None
"And she's definitely little."
Master of None
"And she definitely loves those Funyuns."
Master of None
"That's why you don't engage."
Master of None
"I mean, I get that."
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"But look, I ain't Lil' Funyuns."
Master of None
"I ain't Princess Love."
Master of None
"I'm nice guy, Dev."
Master of None
"And this concert's tomorrow."
Master of None
"Who am I gonna take?"
Master of None
"Dev, here's what you do."
Master of None
"You just-- If there's any girls that you like,"
Master of None
"you just invite them to the concert,"
Master of None
"and whoever says yes, you take her."
Master of None
"But what if two people say yes, Brian?"
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"What do I do then?"
Master of None
"Then I don't know."
Master of None
"You tell the second one,"
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""Sorry, ticket got taken.""
Master of None
"I do it all the time."
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"Everybody likes me."
Master of None
"No one gets hurt. No one gets mad."
Master of None
"All right."
Master of None
"So I'll ask Journalist,"
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"I'll ask Headband,"
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"and I'll ask this girl Sarah"
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"that I met at the Jane Hotel once."
Master of None
"Wow, Dev."
Master of None
"It's as if all these women are just bubbles on your phone."
Master of None
"That hits deep."
Master of None
"- You got me, Denise. - Mm-hmm."
Master of None
"I've become the thing I hated the most."
Master of None
"And the texts are off."
Master of None
"All right."
Master of None
"Sherlock, season one, episode one."
Master of None
"Let's do this."
Master of None
"Center seat, make some room, coming in."
Master of None
"Nicotine patch."
Master of None
"Helps me think."
Master of None
"Impossible to sustain a smoking habit"
Master of None
"in London these days."
Master of None
"I feel like this is my new favorite show."
Master of None
"You say that about every show."
Master of None
"Last week, your favorite show was Chopped."
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"Because Chopped is amazing!"
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"I mean, right now, actually, all shows are amazing."
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"It's the golden age of television."
Master of None
"Dudes, can we please not talk during the show?"
Master of None
"Respect my Cumberbatch!"
Master of None
"Sorry."
Master of None
"Um..."
Master of None
"Oh, Headband says, "Cool if my brother comes?""
Master of None
"No, Headband, why would that be cool?"
Master of None
"Sorry, ticket got taken."
Master of None
"Was I right?"
Master of None
"Dude, I could watch Benedict Cumberbatch"
Master of None
"do anything."
Master of None
"For real, he could play someone in a coma,"
Master of None
"just sat there, not moving."
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"I'd still be down."
Master of None
"One sec."
Master of None
"Laura, AKA Journalist, says,"
Master of None
""Hey, Dev, Would love to go."
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"But just to be up front, it'd have to be as friends.""
Master of None
"See? That's classy."
Master of None
"Honesty, I respect that."
Master of None
"So you're gonna take her as a friend?"
Master of None
"No."
Master of None
"Sorry. Ticket got taken."
Master of None
"Took me less than an hour to find the right skip."
Master of None
"- Aw. - Aw, come on, man."
Master of None
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