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Clips from Central Park - The Ballad of Johnnie Lee (S02E02)

"♪ Yodel-ay-hee ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Johnnie Lee's the coolest guy In the saloon ♪"
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"♪ He's so cool, so dang cool ♪"
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"♪ Y'all ♪"
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"♪ He's just a cowboy Out on the West Side ♪"
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"♪ Roaming the prairie With Lucky and Side-Eye ♪"
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"♪ And he can shoot, he can lasso With a blindfold like a boss ♪"
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"♪ 'Cause the name is Johnnie Lee ♪"
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"♪ And he walks like He ain't not never been off his horse ♪"
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"♪ 'Cause the name is Johnnie Lee ♪"
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"♪ Yodel-ay-hee ♪"
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"♪ Ain't nobody ever been so cool ♪"
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"♪ He's so cool, so dang cool ♪"
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"♪ Yodel-ay-hee ♪"
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"♪ Johnnie Lee's the coolest guy In the saloon ♪"
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"♪ He's so cool, so dang cool ♪"
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"- [Owen] ♪ Y'all ♪ - [chorus] ♪ Y'all ♪"
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"[Owen] ♪ Y'all ♪"
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"[country music playing]"
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"[music ends]"
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"Whoa, Horsie Lee, you outlaw horse with a horsie heart of gold."
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"Why don't we get some water at this old-timey well?"
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"- Does the coast look clear, Side-Eye? - So far, so good on the sides."
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"- Any trouble directly in front of us? - Nope. Pee-pee break."
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"[Lucky] It's fun peeing with you guys. I love our gang."
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"- [Bitsy] Let me see your hands, outlaws. - [all gasp]"
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"Because we'd like to shake 'em."
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"I mean, we would if you hadn't just gone pee-pee."
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"Howdy, partners. I'm Schmitzy. This is Schmellen."
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"Nice to meet you. I'm Johnnie Lee Tillerman."
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"- And this here is-- - We know."
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"You're the outlaws with hearts of gold"
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"who steal from the rich and give it all to the poor."
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"That's right. Usually by showing up at poor people's houses"
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"with a hundred cans of beans and yelling, "Surprise!" Right, gang?"
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"- People love surprises. Pew! Pew! - Yeehaw! Free bean salad."
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"We've been tracking a rich jerk's stagecoach"
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"with a metric butt-ton of money and gold traveling thisaway and--"
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"- So, there's a stagecoach in the future? - We don't know what's gonna happen."
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"Might turn out stagecoaches are way more economical."
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"- Makes sense to me. - We sure could use help from pros like you"
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"on how to steal it, and then give it all away, of course."
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"Whose stagecoach is it, Schmitzy?"
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"Oh, this greedy, rich, jerky, rich jerk face, of course."
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"- You guys would totally hate him. - And there's enough in that stagecoach"
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"for you to give 1,000 cans of beans to every gross--"
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"I mean, cool poor person in the western Central Park."
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"Huddle up, crew. A score that big could help a lot of people."
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"We could even branch out from just giving out beans to, like,"
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"chili and soups and stuff. I've got a lot of ideas."
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"Heck, let's do it. Side-Eye, keep your eyes on 'em."
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"Will do. Every side they have."
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"[man] Hyah! Hyah!"
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"Hey. I just wanna say, Schmellen and I should probably hold the bags"
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"that we throw all the gold and money in."
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"It's like the one thing Schmellen's good at."
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"- Uh, okay. - Seems fine."
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"- [Side-Eye] Hmm. - Here they come."
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"- Okay, on my cue. - What's the cue?"
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"You'll know it when you see it."
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"But first, I do some trademark Johnnie Lee Tillerman dance moves"
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"- to subdue and beguile them. - His dance moves are his weapon."
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"- [grunting rhythmically] - [driver] Whoa, now!"
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"Oh, my. That is beguiling."
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"- I'm subdued. - And cue!"
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"- [rhythmic grunts continue] - Please don't rob me!"
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"Wow. There's something familiar about these moves."
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"Too late, greedy, you rich jerk face. How's it going in there, crew?"
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"Great. Lots of money and gold, and some pretty great snacks."
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"And we're holding the bags really well."
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"Okey dokey, I think that's all of it. Let's double-cross the ding-a-lings."
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"[whistles]"
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"- Wait, what? - Oh, yeah."
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"Schmellen's also good at whistling. She's from carny folk."
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"- Drop the bags, you double-crossing-- - Wait a second."
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"I think you accidentally turned your belt inside out after you peed."
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"- Thank you. Let me fix that real quick. - Oh, sure, sure."
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"- We'll just wait over here. - Go, go, go!"
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"- Hyah! Hyah! - No. No, no, no! [grunts]"
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"Thanks for helping us rob this sucker, you suckers! [cackles]"
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"Schmellen, you ride like you smell: like a grandma. Let's go!"
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"Double-crossed. How did I not see that coming?"
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"And they did it right in front of us."
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"Oh, front! The one place I can't see."
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"Don't worry, Johnnie Lee."
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"We'll help you catch Schmitzy and Schmellen."
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"Yeah, those filthy schmerks."
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"It's like you always say when you help one of us,"
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"this is what it means to be a part of an ensemble of outlaws."
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"Wait a second. Is that Cole? It's me, Enrique."
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"Enrique! I didn't recognize you."
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"You grew a mustache and a really big belly."
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"When did you turn into a rich greedy jerk? No offense."
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"I'm not a rich greedy jerk. I mean, I'm rich. I'm an actor."
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"I just retired from my big show. Or showcase, rather."
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"What? What showcase? Not the..."
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"[together] Fling Into Fall Showcase."
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"After touring for years, I made a metric butt-ton of money,"
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"and I was gonna build my passion project, a free bean restaurant for poor people."
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"[gasps] Oh, no! I accidentally helped Schmitzy and Schmellen steal"
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"all of your poor people bean money."
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"- Oh, cock-a-doodle-poop! - [groans]"
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"It's gonna be hard to trust shady strangers after this."
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"If I'd just stayed Cole and gone to opening night,"
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"I'd be a rich fall showcase celebrity like you."
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"And we could have donated both our fortunes to the poor"
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"to buy them all the beans they need."
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"I made such a huge mistake!"
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"And that's how you realized that changing your name to Johnnie Lee Tillerman"
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"won't actually make all your problems go away."
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"So you should probably just stay Cole. The end. Case closed. Great job, Dad."
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"Eh, I don't think all that would happen."
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"Enrique can't put on weight. He has the metabolism of a greyhound."
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"I mean, I think there were other problems with your dad's story, but sure."
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"Also, I don't think I have the face shape for a cowboy hat."
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"And I don't want my hat wearing me, you know?"
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"Here. Let me give it a go. I actually don't think you'd be an outlaw"
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"in a confusing future time period."
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"I think, as Johnnie Lee Tillerman,"
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"you'd become a famous motorcycle daredevil."
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