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Clips from Weeds - Ducks and Tigers (S05E05)

"I'm new Mommy."
Weeds
"New Mommy is a nice mommy."
Weeds
"Anyway, I thought maybe you could, you know, tell me a little bit about it."
Weeds
"About being lesbionic."
Weeds
"You know, what do you do?"
Weeds
"I don't know."
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"I've only done the-- The kissing part."
Weeds
"Was that weird?"
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"Kissing a girl?"
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"Was it soft? Was it good soft, like a puppy..."
Weeds
"...or was it bad soft, like rotten fruit?"
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"Oh, God. Oh, am I gonna have to get a strap-on?"
Weeds
"-No, no, no. No. No. No. -Okay. I was just thinking about it."
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"-You cannot take this away. -I'm not--"
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"-It's all I have-- -Just don't be so selfish."
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"Mommy's lonely."
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"There's this woman out there right now..."
Weeds
"...who thinks that I am the cat's meow."
Weeds
"Cat, pussy."
Weeds
"Already doing the lezzy humor."
Weeds
"You're not gay, Mom."
Weeds
"Well, what if I am?"
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"There was that Tracy Chapman song that I liked."
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"New Mommy is still a hateful bitch."
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"Come on. I thought may-- It would bring us closer, you know?"
Weeds
"Here you go."
Weeds
"So, what about you?"
Weeds
"You ever get on down to girly town?"
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"-Hi. -Hi."
Weeds
"I left clean sheets and towels on your bed."
Weeds
"Thanks."
Weeds
"This looks amazing."
Weeds
"Holy crap."
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"I mean, what were you doing? It felt like there were eight of you."
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"-What was that? -Trade secret. Can't tell you."
Weeds
"-Do it again. -No. Okay."
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"Yes, please."
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"Oh, God, my head."
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"Throw me the aspirin."
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"You've had like 14 already. You'll ruin your kidneys."
Weeds
"Fuck my kidneys. What did those assholes ever do for me?"
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"And I swear, if you tell me they clean my poop..."
Weeds
"...or whatever shit they do, I will kill you."
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"I will kill your face off."
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"Then have some food, at least."
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"Food is stupid."
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"-Just read me what we have up there. -We have nothing."
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"Everything is lame."
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"Have my feet always been this huge?"
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"Jesus Christ."
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"It's like I'm a clown in a circus."
Weeds
"My dad took me to the circus once when I was 6 years old..."
Weeds
"...and backstage, the ringmaster touched my tent pole."
Weeds
"What? Where did that come from?"
Weeds
"I don't know."
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"Why am I remembering that now?"
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"I don't wanna remember that."
Weeds
"-No, Doug. What about our plan? -Being sober's bullshit. You stay sober."
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"-Fuck that. -Then we get stoned in shifts."
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"One will stay sober, and the other will smoke. Then we'll switch."
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"But what if one of us has a really great idea..."
Weeds
"...and the other one is too stoned to get it?"
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"Well, then we'll write each other notes."
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"Like Memento."
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"Goddamn it, show me what you were doing."
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"No."
Weeds
"Here? You're doing something to that, right?"
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"I don't even know what that is."
Weeds
"-That then? -Oh, no. I'm gonna address that later."
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"Actually, you know what? I'm gonna address that right now."
Weeds
"Hey, Adelita. I was just heading for a night swim."
Weeds
"Wanna join me? Big pool."
Weeds
"-Thanks, but I'm reading. -What are you reading?"
Weeds
"It's Milan Kundera, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting."
Weeds
"So that's like a self-help thing?"
Weeds
"Sort of. Who are you reading now?"
Weeds
"I'm between books right now."
Weeds
"Can you recommend something you've really enjoyed?"
Weeds
"I'll make you a list."
Weeds
"Cool. Thanks."
Weeds
"And, hey, welcome to the villa."
Weeds
"I grew up here."
Weeds
"-Welcome home, then. -Thanks."
Weeds
"Enjoy your swim."
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"Adelita."
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"Oh, hello, Nancy."
Weeds
"You know, I'm just gonna come out and say this."
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"Silas can be very charming..."
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"...but he's still a guy, and you're in high school."
Weeds
"My lover is 32 years old."
Weeds
"He's a journalist."
Weeds
"Your boy is not a dangerous temptation for me..."
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"...so no need to worry."
Weeds
"How's my little brother tonight?"
Weeds
"Being a stubborn Gus."
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"He won't latch."
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"He probably likes the formula."
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"Well, formula doesn't come out of my boob, so he's out of luck."
Weeds
"Okay."
Weeds
"We don't really know each other. Why don't we go to lunch or...."
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"That's sweet of you, Nancy..."
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"...but I'm not terribly invested in my father's love life."
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"Thanks, anyway."
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"This is amazing."
Weeds
"What am I eating?"
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"Grilled flank steak with red chard, currants and homemade harissa."
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"-I think I just came again. -I love this peach fuzz."
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"I'm flawed. I have a pelt."
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"You are perfect, because you're flesh and blood and organs and bones..."
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"...and you can name all of them."
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"You're so cool."
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"Well, you cook like a motherfucker."
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"I wanna fuck."
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"He won't nurse."
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"Your fault."
Weeds
"You try putting tequila on your tetas?"
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"There's breast milk in the freezer."
Weeds
"Give him a bottle."
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"And no tequila on the nipple."
Weeds
"It's Nancy."
Weeds
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