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Clips from Maggie (2022) - Your Past Will Inform Your Present (S01E01)

"- So, um, how are ya since the breakup?"
Maggie (2022)
"- Oh, no, no, no. We are not talking about that."
Maggie (2022)
"I am just here to tell a bunch of horned-up teens"
Maggie (2022)
"which Ivy Leagues they are not getting into."
Maggie (2022)
"- Gotcha. I'm gonna hit the dance floor. I'm on "grind control.""
Maggie (2022)
"- Ooh, yeah, those two look like they're trying to start a campfire."
Maggie (2022)
"- Hey, guys... don't make me get the spray bottle."
Maggie (2022)
"♪ "Nighttiming" by Coconut Records playing ♪"
Maggie (2022)
"♪ Don't talk to me that way ♪"
Maggie (2022)
"- You don't wanna be doin' that anyway. Lot of chafing."
Maggie (2022)
"- What if I wanna chafe? At least then I'd feel something."
Maggie (2022)
"Nobody wants to dance with "That's So Not Raven.""
Maggie (2022)
"- Well, as your guidance counselor,"
Maggie (2022)
"I'm proud of you for being so open about your gift."
Maggie (2022)
"You are unapologetically you. [sighs]"
Maggie (2022)
"- I guess. What about you, Mr. Hart?"
Maggie (2022)
"When are you gonna show people who you really are?"
Maggie (2022)
"- Everybody knows I'm a proud gay man."
Maggie (2022)
"I drive a Kia Soul with a bumper sticker that says,"
Maggie (2022)
""My other car is a fireman.""
Maggie (2022)
"[chuckles]"
Maggie (2022)
"- No, I mean... the fact that nobody but me knows that you're a psychic, too."
Maggie (2022)
"- Maggie, no, I am a grown-up with a two-bedroom apartment,"
Maggie (2022)
"and a Yankee Candle addiction. I have expenses."
Maggie (2022)
"This school does not want a psychic on their payroll."
Maggie (2022)
"- Okay, well, when I'm grown up, you'll never catch me in a high school."
Maggie (2022)
"So, how's high school going?"
Maggie (2022)
"- Well, I've been hooking up with this guy from my wrestling team all year,"
Maggie (2022)
"and I need to know if he'll ever commit to a real relationship."
Maggie (2022)
"- Oh, well, in my experience, men will always disappoint you,"
Maggie (2022)
"so... brace yourself."
Maggie (2022)
"- Will you be my boyfriend?"
Maggie (2022)
"[grunts]"
Maggie (2022)
"- Yes."
Maggie (2022)
"- Ha!"
Maggie (2022)
"Looks like you got one of the good ones. Hold on to him."
Maggie (2022)
"- I'm sorry about smashing your inhaler earlier."
Maggie (2022)
"I really thought it was a vape pen."
Maggie (2022)
"But, uh, you, Missy, I will have to confiscate that nip of vodka."
Maggie (2022)
"I know, it sucks, but soon enough,"
Maggie (2022)
"you guys'll be old enough to bring vodka wherever you want."
Maggie (2022)
"Like, the movie theater, or, you know, the DMV,"
Maggie (2022)
"- What class did you say you teach again? I-I, I don't think I've seen you here."
Maggie (2022)
"- I'm not a teacher."
Maggie (2022)
"- So, you're just, like, a professional prom narc?"
Maggie (2022)
"- No... I'm here helping out Mr. Morales."
Maggie (2022)
"Yeah, and not to brag, but... I'm actually a yoga instructor."
Maggie (2022)
"- As, like, your job? - I think she means as a hobby."
Maggie (2022)
"- No, Sparkles. It is my job."
Maggie (2022)
"- So, did you, like... invent goat yoga or something?"
Maggie (2022)
"- What?! No! But a goat did eat my hair extensions once."
Maggie (2022)
"Y-You know what? I didn't come here to defend myself, okay?"
Maggie (2022)
"- So, I want to be a professional soccer player,"
Maggie (2022)
"but I'm worried my boyfriend will think it's dumb,"
Maggie (2022)
"and I just want him to believe in me."
Maggie (2022)
"- Ugh, girl, I feel you."
Maggie (2022)
"But if he doesn't support you, it's better to find out now"
Maggie (2022)
"before you clog your phone up with photos of him and his stupid beard"
Maggie (2022)
"that makes you cry."
Maggie (2022)
"- What? - Never mind."
Maggie (2022)
"Ha!"
Maggie (2022)
"Not only does he believe in you,"
Maggie (2022)
"when you go pro, he gets your jersey number tattooed on his back."
Maggie (2022)
"Actual size."
Maggie (2022)
"♪ "Underdogs" by Jim and Sam playing ♪"
Maggie (2022)
"[sighs] Man, these kids are really throwing me off."
Maggie (2022)
"What a bunch of well-adjusted little weirdos."
Maggie (2022)
"- Tell me about it."
Maggie (2022)
"I'm an excellent narc,"
Maggie (2022)
"but for some reason, no one thinks I'm cool."
Maggie (2022)
"Actually, saying that out loud, I should've seen that coming."
Maggie (2022)
"- Look... They're all in healthy, supportive relationships."
Maggie (2022)
"I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me."
Maggie (2022)
"- Barkeep, you got anything stronger?"
Maggie (2022)
"- I'm a gym teacher, and, um, refreshments aren't for parents."
Maggie (2022)
"[scoffs]"
Maggie (2022)
"- Wow... really twisting the knife."
Maggie (2022)
"- I can't believe that just happened."
Maggie (2022)
"♪"
Maggie (2022)
"♪"
Maggie (2022)
"- Sorry, you won't be having sex tonight."
Maggie (2022)
"But if it makes you feel any better, neither will I?"
Maggie (2022)
"- Well, I-I see a solution to both our problems."
Maggie (2022)
"Honors Bio taught me it's called a "symbiotic relationship.""
Maggie (2022)
"I'm also taking Anatomy."
Maggie (2022)
"- Go get some punch, Kenneth. - Okay, sorry."
Maggie (2022)
"- Now, don't feel bad, Kurt, okay?"
Maggie (2022)
"The first time I tried to tie a tie, I passed out."
Maggie (2022)
"All right... you look so sharp."
Maggie (2022)
"Now, go ask Alec to dance."
Maggie (2022)
"Go! Yes! Go!"
Maggie (2022)
"- [singsongy] H3C, CH2, CH3 is propane."
Maggie (2022)
"- Holy crap, he's hot. Do you think his hair is naturally black?"
Maggie (2022)
"- Uh, well, his eyebrows are red and he's got freckles."
Maggie (2022)
"- Oh no, he saw us. Pretend like we're dancing."
Maggie (2022)
"- Okay."
Maggie (2022)
"- Actually, he's kinda scary. - [singsongy] H3C, CH2, CH3 is propane."
Maggie (2022)
"Maggie? Oh."
Maggie (2022)
"- Trevor got into Penn."
Maggie (2022)
"Why would you tell him to commit to art school?"
Maggie (2022)
"You might as well tell him to grow a handlebar mustache now"
Maggie (2022)
"because he's goin' straight to being a barista."
Maggie (2022)
"- He's an artist."
Maggie (2022)
"That's what he's going to do with his life."
Maggie (2022)
"- You don't know that, Victor."
Maggie (2022)
"- I think I do, and it is my job to guide these students."
Maggie (2022)
"- Well, lately, you've been guiding angry parents into my office."
Maggie (2022)
"Now talk to Trevor and fix this."
Maggie (2022)
"♪ "Control" by Kid Sister playing ♪"
Maggie (2022)
"- I love that one. Oh my god, you look so cute."
Maggie (2022)
"[laughing] Look at that."
Maggie (2022)
"- Uh, so, just to be clear-- - Oh, that lady's back."
Maggie (2022)
"- That's right. The lady is back."
Maggie (2022)
"Yoga might be a part-time job, but it is a full-time lifestyle."
Maggie (2022)
"- You felt the need to come back and tell us that?"
Maggie (2022)
"- No. No, no, no. That's not all. I'm smart, okay? I went to med school."
Maggie (2022)
"- So, you're like a retired doctor?"
Maggie (2022)
"- What? No... I dropped out because it was stressful."
Maggie (2022)
"You guys get that, right?"
Maggie (2022)
"School is just studying, and overbearing parents, and raging acne."
Maggie (2022)
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