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Clips from The Office - The Alliance (S01E01)

"All right, there might chatting, and giggling,"
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"And you got to just pretend to ignore it, wipe it away."
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"Done! All right."
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"Can you get her, she's right there. That is Meredith."
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"The birthday girl."
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"And this..."
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"Is Meredith card. "Happy Bird-day.""
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"Let's see... Jim."
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"Jim wrote: "Meredith I heard you're turning forty-six but come on..."
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"You're an accountant, just fudge the numbers""
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"Not bad, pretty funny."
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"I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though."
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"Here's the thing, whatever I write here..."
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"has to be really really funny."
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"Because people out there are expecting it."
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"I've already set the bar really high."
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"And they're all worried about their jobs,"
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"you know, it's kind of dark out there."
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"Can you imagine if I wrote something like:"
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""Meredith, happy birthday..."
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"you're great, love Michael"."
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"They seem awfully chummy. Don't you think?"
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"Yeah, what do you think that's about?"
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"Only one way to find out."
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"Come on."
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"- You are not going to believe this. - What? I believe it."
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"- Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. - I can tell from the body language."
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"- That looks good, what is it, turkey? - Italian."
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"Oh Italian! Nice. Wow."
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"Get the works there. Red onion, provolone..."
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"Yeah."
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"Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off."
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"Good! Let them, That's fine it helps our cause."
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"Well I don't know. Because if Kevin is in accounting..."
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"and Toby is in human resources... and they're talking?"
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"They're forming an alliance."
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"- I love their sandwich. - I love their sandwich too."
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"- Their bread is really good. - Their bread is very good."
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"Damn it! God!"
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"God!"
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"Ok, listen."
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"We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance."
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"And is therefore trying to get us kicked out."
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"Damn it, why us?"
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"Because we're strong Dwight, because we're strong."
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"Meredith, Meredith..."
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""Mary had a little lamb"..."
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"Meredith had a little lamb,"
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"don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor..."
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"Hey! Oscar! Come on in. What's up?"
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"- I'm sorry to bother you. - No not at all come on in."
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"- What's going on? - My nephew is involved with..."
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"With charity for Cerebral Palsy,"
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"And I was wondering if maybe you would like to."
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"- You know, if... - What?"
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"A donate to the charity."
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"Oh God!'Course I would."
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"Get it over here! Get that over here."
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"- Thank you. - No I'm always good..."
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"For some serious buckage. Wow! Two dollars, three dollars?"
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"People out here, do not care about..."
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"diseases."
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"I'm going to give you twenty five dollars."
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"That's..."
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"- That's, that's very generous. - Oh my gosh, well."
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"Listen Oscar, generosity and togetherness, and community..."
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"all convalescences into..."
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"Moral."
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"That's what I say, so..."
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"- Hey Jim, can I talk to you for second? - Sure, what's up?"
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"I don't know I'm just going a little crazy..."
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"cause I keep overhearing all these conversations..."
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"between Michael and corporate about like staff issues."
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"- Oh no! - Yeah. He's making me take notes"
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"on his meetings, and I'm like, these people are my friends."
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"- Right. - But he's all like"
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"this is confidential you can't tell anybody but...""
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"I don't know I just feel like I want to..."
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"Just promise me you're gonna say anything."
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"- I will not. I'm not gonna tell anybody - Ok."
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"- It's between you and me. - Yeah."
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"Jackpot."
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"That was beautiful. All her idea, too."
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"Awesome."
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"She's so great."
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"Meredith bad-breath. Meredith has bad breath."
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"- Hey - Hey"
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"- You wanted to see me? - Yeah. What do you know about Meredith?"
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"I don't think she'd be missed."
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"There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, ok?"
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"I just, I need to know a little bit more about..."
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"My friend."
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"Name: Meredith Palmer."
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"Personal information: divorced twice, two kids."
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"Employer: Dundler Mifflin Paper Incorporated."
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"- Awards: multiple "Dundies". - I know that, I know,"
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"I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know."
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"- Kind of fun, inside. - She had a hysterectomy."
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"- Which one is that again? - That's when they remove the uterus."
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"Ho, God! Dwight no!"
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"I'm trying to write something funny here ok?"
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"What am I gonna do with a removed uterus?"
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"- It can be kind of funny. - You know what, I'm on a deadline here,"
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"And just, ok, thanks, thanks for your help,"
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"I'll work it out, thank you Dwight."
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"That wasn't a waste of time."
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"Ok, here's the deal, all right."
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"Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting..."
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"- In the warehouse during Meredith birthday. - Oh, my god we have to be there."
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"I know! But it's going to be a little tough"
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"- Because there's no good place to hide. - No no! Yes there is."
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"- Behind the shells. Oh my god. - What? What? What?"
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"- I know. I know exactly what to do. - Great."
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"I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad."
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"One thing about deer. They have very good vision."
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"One thing about me..."
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"I'm better at hiding than they are at vision."
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"It's gonna be perfect, ok? Centrally located,"
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"Perfect cover, I can hear and see everything."
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"Good."
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