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Clips from Weeds - A Shoe for a Shoe (S06E06)

"I'd ask Shane how to disable the caller ID, but, oops, he's been kidnapped."
Weeds
"So, please call this off."
Weeds
"Please call me back. Okay? And I'm... I'm sorry."
Weeds
"Would it be worth, I don't know, having a hypothetical discussion"
Weeds
"on what would happen if we gave Stevie..."
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"No. That's insane."
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"What are you doing? Is that my mascara?"
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"War paint. You're gonna need backup."
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"Yeah. You're not coming with me."
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"Of course I'm coming with you."
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"- You look like Rum Tum Tugger. - Yeah."
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"Hey, Cesar and I have a rapport."
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"He's got his icy stare. I've got my melty eyes."
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"We're frenemies."
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"Just what if, what if. I'm not saying we actually do it."
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"I'm just saying what if."
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"'Cause think about it, I could go to college. Get a degree."
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"Shane could, I don't know,"
Weeds
"become one of those good serial killers who only kills other serial killers."
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"Okay."
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"No, I'm listening."
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"What would be so terrible? Hypothetically. Parallel universe."
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"A boy and his father. We could stop running."
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"Stevie's your brother."
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"Stevie's a time bomb."
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"Okay. I can do this, Nance."
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"You're dropping me off. You're gonna find a public, crowded restaurant."
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"You're gonna wait there. You're gonna eat something."
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"Well, at least take the car."
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"No, you're taking the car. Keep a distance."
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"Stay safe."
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"There is a museum up ahead."
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"You look like you've lost weight."
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"Put the baby down and step back."
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"No, no, he's sleeping."
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"Where's my son?"
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"One shoe at a time."
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"Sorry about that, but I know you were gonna shoot me first."
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"Shane!"
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"Shane!"
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"If you can't talk, kick something! Make a sound!"
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"Where is he?"
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"I'm a sinewy beast. Very backup-worthy."
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"What do you think she's doing?"
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"Negotiating."
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"It's been 10 minutes. I'm starting to feel panicky."
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"She's a Ione wolf. Always has been. Nothing we can do about it."
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"Well, we can't do anything here."
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"What is it? What is it?"
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"Kimmie sent me her boobs."
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"- Wowser. - Hey."
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"Sorry. Let's go."
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"Shane's our Shane, too."
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"We don't have to do everything she says. We're Team Newman."
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"We could hide in the bushes. She wouldn't have to know."
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"But we'd be her insurance. Just in case."
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"Yeah. Right after we eat, 'cause we'll be useless on an empty stomach."
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"Coffee?"
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"Fill her up."
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"Actually, I'm trying to decide between the Tilapia Torpedos"
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"and the Meat Lover's Moose Tracks. The entree size, not the app."
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"No, you're not."
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"Come on, man. I've had nothing to eat in three days"
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"except for a linty car French fry."
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"He's on a diet."
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"That's not cool."
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"I tried the one where you only eat cotton balls soaked in gelatin."
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"I lost 6 pounds, but it killed the fetus."
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"- Coffee? - Black."
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"And you?"
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"Cream and sugar."
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"That's cute. It's how I used to drink it when I was a kid."
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"Empty your pockets."
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"Come on. Give me your keys."
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"I know where he is."
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"Hello?"
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"Shane's phone. What is up?"
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"Give me that. Give me his phone."
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"That was bratty."
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"What is that?"
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"- What's in your hand? - Nothing."
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"Drop it."
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"You are a champion!"
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"Seriously?"
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"I have a mean fastball."
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"Give me your phone. Give it."
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"Who are... Who are you calling?"
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"Wow. Esteban."
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"Hi, I didn't..."
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"How did that go?"
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"Are you eating your napkin?"
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"No."
Weeds
"Okay, fine. You can eat packets of artificial sweetener."
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"You gotta be insane to eat that shit. It's rat cancer."
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"It'll turn your bladder into a squishy pit,"
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"and it'll slowly and painfully slide out your shit-shaft."
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"Have it your way."
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"God wants me to live."
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"And I still don't understand why."
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"For a lot of reasons."
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"Tell me one."
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"I need to take a piss."
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"Fine. But I'm watching you."
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"Still gonna kill me?"
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"It's not up to me, pequeno diablo."
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"So, a croquet mallet."
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"- You get a good bludgeon out of that? - Does the job."
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"- It's not easy, huh? Your first? - It wasn't that hard."
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"My first was my stepdad."
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"His name was Ramon. He traveled a lot for work."
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"Think he sold hats. No, shoes. No, I'm pretty sure it was hats."
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"And he was fat."
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"Really fat. Not funny fat, but fat."
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"One night, I come home, he ate my cookies."
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"So I slit his throat with my pocket knife. With my navaja."
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"I'm glad he didn't beg."
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"Not that I gave him time for it anyways."
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"And afterwards, I found the cookies. They were in my room."
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"- You feel bad? - No."
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"Yeah, me neither."
Weeds
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