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Clips from Cheers - The Bartender's Tale (S03E03)

I'LL TURN THIS INTO A SELF-SERVE BAR,

"I'LL TURN THIS INTO A SELF-SERVE BAR,"

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AND I'LL TAKE...

"AND I'LL TAKE..."

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WHEN DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

"WHEN DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?"

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I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT NOW, RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.

"I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT NOW, RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE."

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MY CAR IS OUTSIDE.

"MY CAR IS OUTSIDE."

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WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

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CARLA, I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.

"CARLA, I CAN EXPLAIN THIS."

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YOU MAKE ME SICK.

"YOU MAKE ME SICK."

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I KNOW, I KNOW.

"I KNOW, I KNOW."

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I'LL TAKE YOU.

"I'LL TAKE YOU."

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LISTEN...

"LISTEN..."

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CARLA...

"CARLA..."

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I'M A WEAK MAN.

"I'M A WEAK MAN."

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SOMEDAY, I WILL FIND A CURE FOR WHAT I HAVE,

"SOMEDAY, I WILL FIND A CURE FOR WHAT I HAVE,"

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BUT PLEASE, LET ME HAVE THIS.

"BUT PLEASE, LET ME HAVE THIS."

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OH, SAM.

"OH, SAM."

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HEY, COME ON, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME BEG, CARLA.

"HEY, COME ON, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME BEG, CARLA."

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TELL YOUR MUMMY NOT TO MAKE ME BEG.

"TELL YOUR MUMMY NOT TO MAKE ME BEG."

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GET UP! OH!

"GET UP! OH!"

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IS THAT A YES?

"IS THAT A YES?"

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AT LEAST SHE'S NOT DIANE.

"AT LEAST SHE'S NOT DIANE."

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LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

"LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT."

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WHAT?

"WHAT?"

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YOU GO TELL LILLIAN

"YOU GO TELL LILLIAN"

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THAT YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HER DAUGHTER OUT.

"THAT YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HER DAUGHTER OUT."

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IF SHE SAYS IT'S OK, I'LL STICK AROUND FOR A WHILE.

"IF SHE SAYS IT'S OK, I'LL STICK AROUND FOR A WHILE."

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IS THAT ALL? OH, I'LL DO IT.

"IS THAT ALL? OH, I'LL DO IT."

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I'LL MAKE YOU SO PROUD OF ME.

"I'LL MAKE YOU SO PROUD OF ME."

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JUST ONE MORE MINUTE.

"JUST ONE MORE MINUTE."

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HAVE ONE MORE FOR THE BED--

"HAVE ONE MORE FOR THE BED--"

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THE BEACH-- THE ROAD.

"THE BEACH-- THE ROAD."

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LILLIAN, LILLIAN, CAN I SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE FOR A MINUTE?

"LILLIAN, LILLIAN, CAN I SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE FOR A MINUTE?"

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CERTAINLY. BACK IN A JIFFY, DARLING.

"CERTAINLY. BACK IN A JIFFY, DARLING."

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OH, SUPER, MUMMY.

"OH, SUPER, MUMMY."

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CAROLYN'S FILLING OUT NICELY, DON'T YOU THINK?

"CAROLYN'S FILLING OUT NICELY, DON'T YOU THINK?"

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MM-HMM.

"MM-HMM."

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LILLIAN,

"LILLIAN,"

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I GOT A PROBLEM HERE.

"I GOT A PROBLEM HERE."

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IN THE PAST,

"IN THE PAST,"

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I'VE GOTTEN INTO TROUBLE WITH MY WAITRESSES

"I'VE GOTTEN INTO TROUBLE WITH MY WAITRESSES"

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BY GETTING ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THEM.

"BY GETTING ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THEM."

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NOW YOU ARE A FANTASTIC WAITRESS.

"NOW YOU ARE A FANTASTIC WAITRESS."

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I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO LOSE YOU.

"I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO LOSE YOU."

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DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD.

"DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD."

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I UNDERSTAND YOU COMPLETELY.

"I UNDERSTAND YOU COMPLETELY."

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YOU DO?

"YOU DO?"

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OF COURSE.

"OF COURSE."

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HEY, THANK YOU.

"HEY, THANK YOU."

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I JUST WANTED TO-- WELL, I JUST WANTED TO GET YOUR APPROVAL FIRST.

"I JUST WANTED TO-- WELL, I JUST WANTED TO GET YOUR APPROVAL FIRST."

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OH, SAM, HOW CAN YOU BE SO CIVILIZED

"OH, SAM, HOW CAN YOU BE SO CIVILIZED"

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WHEN YOUR VERY BLOOD IS BOILING?

"WHEN YOUR VERY BLOOD IS BOILING?"

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DON'T YOU THINK I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING THE SAME URGES?

"DON'T YOU THINK I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING THE SAME URGES?"

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DON'T YOU THINK

"DON'T YOU THINK"

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I HAVEN'T FELT THE SAME UNCONQUERABLE CHEMISTRY?

"I HAVEN'T FELT THE SAME UNCONQUERABLE CHEMISTRY?"

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DON'T YOU THINK THAT DENYING OURSELVES

"DON'T YOU THINK THAT DENYING OURSELVES"

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HASN'T BEEN AS TREACHEROUS FOR ME

"HASN'T BEEN AS TREACHEROUS FOR ME"

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AS IT HAS FOR YOU?

"AS IT HAS FOR YOU?"

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THAT IS WHAT YOU MEANT, ISN'T IT?

"THAT IS WHAT YOU MEANT, ISN'T IT?"

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YOU BET. NO, NO, UM...

"YOU BET. NO, NO, UM..."

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THIS WHOLE THING JUST KIND OF SNUCK UP ON ME,

"THIS WHOLE THING JUST KIND OF SNUCK UP ON ME,"

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THAT'S ALL.

"THAT'S ALL."

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WELL, I WON'T PRETEND THIS HASN'T HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

"WELL, I WON'T PRETEND THIS HASN'T HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE."

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SPEND ANY AMOUNT OF TIME IN A MAN'S PRESENCE,

"SPEND ANY AMOUNT OF TIME IN A MAN'S PRESENCE,"

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AND I SEND OUT A SORT OF...

"AND I SEND OUT A SORT OF..."

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WELL, LET'S FACE IT,

"WELL, LET'S FACE IT,"

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EROTIC SIGNALS.

"EROTIC SIGNALS."

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WOULD YOU-- WOULD YOU WAIT HERE FOR JUST A MINUTE?

"WOULD YOU-- WOULD YOU WAIT HERE FOR JUST A MINUTE?"

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I NEED TO TALK TO CARLA.

"I NEED TO TALK TO CARLA."

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CARLA?

"CARLA?"

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YEAH, UH... CARLA IS THE PERSON

"YEAH, UH... CARLA IS THE PERSON"

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THAT I USUALLY...

"THAT I USUALLY..."

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TRUST ME.

"TRUST ME."

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OH, SO, SAM, ARE YOU READY

"OH, SO, SAM, ARE YOU READY"

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TO TAKE ME DOWN TO THAT CAPE OF YOURS?

"TO TAKE ME DOWN TO THAT CAPE OF YOURS?"

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ONE MINUTE, JUST ONE MINUTE MORE.

"ONE MINUTE, JUST ONE MINUTE MORE."

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WHAT HAPPENED, AND I ALREADY KNOW IT'S BAD.

"WHAT HAPPENED, AND I ALREADY KNOW IT'S BAD."

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NO, NO. IT'S WORSE THAN YOU THINK.

"NO, NO. IT'S WORSE THAN YOU THINK."

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LILLIAN THOUGHT THAT I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER.

"LILLIAN THOUGHT THAT I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER."

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SHE'S SITTING IN THERE WITH A CASE OF THIRD-DEGREE SAMMIES.

"SHE'S SITTING IN THERE WITH A CASE OF THIRD-DEGREE SAMMIES."

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I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT.

"I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT."

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DON'T PANIC, WILL YOU? JUST TRUST ME!

"DON'T PANIC, WILL YOU? JUST TRUST ME!"

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I CAN HANDLE THIS.

"I CAN HANDLE THIS."

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WE NEED A SOLUTION.

"WE NEED A SOLUTION."

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I CAN ALWAYS FALL BACK ON THE TRUTH, I GUESS.

"I CAN ALWAYS FALL BACK ON THE TRUTH, I GUESS."

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OH, NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. UH-UH.

"OH, NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. UH-UH."

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IF YOU TELL HER THAT YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED NOW,

"IF YOU TELL HER THAT YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED NOW,"

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SHE'S GONNA GET HURT AND QUIT.

"SHE'S GONNA GET HURT AND QUIT."

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IF SHE GETS HURT AND QUITS,

"IF SHE GETS HURT AND QUITS,"

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I'LL BE HURT AND QUIT. IF I GET HURT AND QUIT,

"I'LL BE HURT AND QUIT. IF I GET HURT AND QUIT,"

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THEN YOU'LL BE AS GOOD AS DEAD.

"THEN YOU'LL BE AS GOOD AS DEAD."

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OH, BOY. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

"OH, BOY. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

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MY MIND DOESN'T WORK LIKE THIS.

"MY MIND DOESN'T WORK LIKE THIS."

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IT'S TRAINED TO GET WOMEN INTO BED.

"IT'S TRAINED TO GET WOMEN INTO BED."

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WHAT WOULD DIANE DO?

"WHAT WOULD DIANE DO?"

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TALK TILL WE PUKE.

"TALK TILL WE PUKE."

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PROBABLY.

"PROBABLY."

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I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

"I GOT IT. I GOT IT."

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LILLIAN IS SMARTER THAN US, RIGHT? MM-HMM.

"LILLIAN IS SMARTER THAN US, RIGHT? MM-HMM."

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YOU GO IN THERE AND TELL HER,

"YOU GO IN THERE AND TELL HER,"

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"LILLIAN, WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE...

""LILLIAN, WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE..."

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WELL, YOU KNOW."

"WELL, YOU KNOW.""

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NO, I DON'T.

"NO, I DON'T."

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NO, SAM, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY.

"NO, SAM, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY."

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SHE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING AND FILL IN THE REST.

"SHE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING AND FILL IN THE REST."

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OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT! THAT'S BRILLIANT!

"OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT! THAT'S BRILLIANT!"

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HOW DOES THE PART GO THAT I SAY AGAIN?

"HOW DOES THE PART GO THAT I SAY AGAIN?"

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"WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE...

""WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE..."

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WELL, YOU KNOW."

"WELL, YOU KNOW.""

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NO, I DON'T. I WOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU

"NO, I DON'T. I WOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU"

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TO REPEAT IT IF I DID.

"TO REPEAT IT IF I DID."

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OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

"OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT."

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THAT'S PERFECT.

"THAT'S PERFECT."

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SAM, MY DEAR, YOU'RE DAMP.

"SAM, MY DEAR, YOU'RE DAMP."

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A SWEAT OF PASSION.

"A SWEAT OF PASSION."

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OH, SAM.

"OH, SAM."

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LILLIAN...

"LILLIAN..."

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LILLIAN, WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE...

"LILLIAN, WE CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE..."

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WELL, YOU KNOW.

"WELL, YOU KNOW."

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YES, I SUPPOSE I DO.

"YES, I SUPPOSE I DO."

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YOU DO?

"YOU DO?"

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