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Clips from Cheers - Diane's Perfect Date (S01E01)

I'm serious. Coach, who do you think?

"I'm serious. Coach, who do you think?"

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You know, Sam, I always thought you'd make a great date for Diane.

"You know, Sam, I always thought you'd make a great date for Diane."

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Coach, that's crazy.

"Coach, that's crazy."

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- Or is it? - Let me think about that.

"- Or is it? - Let me think about that."

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Of course. That's what she's doing. That's cute. That is cute.

"Of course. That's what she's doing. That's cute. That is cute."

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- Thanks. I have lost a few pounds. - No.

"- Thanks. I have lost a few pounds. - No."

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Don't you see what she's doing?

"Don't you see what she's doing?"

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She's setting me up with herself.

"She's setting me up with herself."

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- That little scamp. - Yeah.

"- That little scamp. - Yeah."

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You heard what she said. "Bright, witty, attractive, the perfect girl."

"You heard what she said. "Bright, witty, attractive, the perfect girl.""

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She's talking about herself. Who else?

"She's talking about herself. Who else?"

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She's not gonna bring another girl in here tomorrow night.

"She's not gonna bring another girl in here tomorrow night."

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She wants to go out with me herself.

"She wants to go out with me herself."

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I kind of like that. Our first date.

"I kind of like that. Our first date."

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Thanks, Coach. lf there's anything I can do for you, let me know.

"Thanks, Coach. lf there's anything I can do for you, let me know."

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Sam, by the way, there is... one little thing.

"Sam, by the way, there is... one little thing."

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If you get some time later, could you tell me what we were talking about?

"If you get some time later, could you tell me what we were talking about?"

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You bet.

"You bet."

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I'm looking forward to it.

"I'm looking forward to it."

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I'm feeling like quite the matchmaker.

"I'm feeling like quite the matchmaker."

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I called my friend. She said she'd love to go out with Sam.

"I called my friend. She said she'd love to go out with Sam."

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Carla, do you have any idea who Sam has in store for me?

"Carla, do you have any idea who Sam has in store for me?"

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No.

"No."

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Sammy, you're looking pretty sharp tonight.

"Sammy, you're looking pretty sharp tonight."

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- What's the occasion there, Sam? - I've got a very big blind date.

"- What's the occasion there, Sam? - I've got a very big blind date."

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- Isn't that a little risky there? - Not in this case. Coach.

"- Isn't that a little risky there? - Not in this case. Coach."

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Sam.

"Sam."

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Sammy, watching you get ready for a date

"Sammy, watching you get ready for a date"

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is like watching a great matador prepare for a bullfight.

"is like watching a great matador prepare for a bullfight."

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I hate that stuff. Who wants to see a guy go and manipulate and torment

"I hate that stuff. Who wants to see a guy go and manipulate and torment"

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a poor unthinking creature like that?

"a poor unthinking creature like that?"

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I always buy 'em breakfast, don't I?

"I always buy 'em breakfast, don't I?"

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But looky here. Here comes Diane.

"But looky here. Here comes Diane."

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Strangest thing, she appears to be alone.

"Strangest thing, she appears to be alone."

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Mind if I sit here, Sammy?

"Mind if I sit here, Sammy?"

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Enjoy.

"Enjoy."

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- Hello, everyone. - Hi, Diane.

"- Hello, everyone. - Hi, Diane."

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Hi, Diane.

"Hi, Diane."

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Sam, ready for your date?

"Sam, ready for your date?"

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- I certainly am. Are you for yours? - As I'll ever be. Is he here?

"- I certainly am. Are you for yours? - As I'll ever be. Is he here?"

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Kind of a dumb question. Of course he's here. Present and accounted for.

"Kind of a dumb question. Of course he's here. Present and accounted for."

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But wherever is my date for the evening?

"But wherever is my date for the evening?"

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- She went to lock the car. - She what?

"- She went to lock the car. - She what?"

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Gretchen went back to make sure her car was locked.

"Gretchen went back to make sure her car was locked."

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Gretchen?

"Gretchen?"

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The point is, she is a woman of substance.

"The point is, she is a woman of substance."

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She's going to challenge you.

"She's going to challenge you."

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- Gretchen? - Yes.

"- Gretchen? - Yes."

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Here she is. Gretchen Darrow, Sam Malone.

"Here she is. Gretchen Darrow, Sam Malone."

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- Hello. - Hi.

"- Hello. - Hi."

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You and Gretchen have a lot in common.

"You and Gretchen have a lot in common."

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She's a grad student working on her thesis in kinesiology.

"She's a grad student working on her thesis in kinesiology."

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Small world.

"Small world."

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That's the study of physical movement, Sam.

"That's the study of physical movement, Sam."

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Akin to athletics. She also lettered in three sports.

"Akin to athletics. She also lettered in three sports."

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So, you're the Sam Malone that used to pitch for the Sox?

"So, you're the Sam Malone that used to pitch for the Sox?"

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Yeah, as a matter of fact I am.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I am."

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Coach, why don't you get Gretchen here something to drink?

"Coach, why don't you get Gretchen here something to drink?"

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Thanks, Sam.

"Thanks, Sam."

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- I can't believe this. - I knew you'd like her.

"- I can't believe this. - I knew you'd like her."

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I'm a pretty good judge of people.

"I'm a pretty good judge of people."

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So, let's see how you are.

"So, let's see how you are."

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Where's my guy?

"Where's my guy?"

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Your guy? As a matter of fact, he's in the poolroom.

"Your guy? As a matter of fact, he's in the poolroom."

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Shut up.

"Shut up."

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I'll just go back and get him right now. You just hang on here.

"I'll just go back and get him right now. You just hang on here."

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He's probably right back here.

"He's probably right back here."

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Excuse me.

"Excuse me."

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What's your name?

"What's your name?"

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Andy. Why?

"Andy. Why?"

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- What are you doing tonight, Andy? - Why do you ask?

"- What are you doing tonight, Andy? - Why do you ask?"

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No.

"No."

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I got an extra girl on my hands.

"I got an extra girl on my hands."

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I see.

"I see."

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It's worth $20 if you'll go out with her.

"It's worth $20 if you'll go out with her."

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Why give me 20 bucks to take out a girl?

"Why give me 20 bucks to take out a girl?"

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The 20 bucks is for a little lie.

"The 20 bucks is for a little lie."

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Pretend we've known each other a long time and we set this up yesterday.

"Pretend we've known each other a long time and we set this up yesterday."

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What d'you say? My name's Sam, by the way.

"What d'you say? My name's Sam, by the way."

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I probably know that, don't I? What if this girl doesn't like me?

"I probably know that, don't I? What if this girl doesn't like me?"

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That's alright. She doesn't like anybody.

"That's alright. She doesn't like anybody."

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What are you looking at, endomorph?

"What are you looking at, endomorph?"

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Nothing. Nothing, sir.

"Nothing. Nothing, sir."

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Andy, I'd like you to meet Diane. And this is Gretchen.

"Andy, I'd like you to meet Diane. And this is Gretchen."

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I finally meet Gretchen. Sam talks about you all the time.

"I finally meet Gretchen. Sam talks about you all the time."

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- Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen. - He just met me.

"- Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen. - He just met me."

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But I knew you'd be coming along any day.

"But I knew you'd be coming along any day."

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No, this is your date, Diane Chambers.

"No, this is your date, Diane Chambers."

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- Hello. - How do you do?

"- Hello. - How do you do?"

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Diane, I'd like you to meet my good buddy Andy... Andy.

"Diane, I'd like you to meet my good buddy Andy... Andy."

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Andy Andy.

"Andy Andy."

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That should be easy to remember.

"That should be easy to remember."

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- How do you two know each other? - She asks good questions.

"- How do you two know each other? - She asks good questions."

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- Good question. - We met in the pool...

"- Good question. - We met in the pool..."

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At the Y. We do a lot of swimming, kicking, all your basic water sports.

"At the Y. We do a lot of swimming, kicking, all your basic water sports."

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Now we're getting into your area of expertise, aren't we?

"Now we're getting into your area of expertise, aren't we?"

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Swimming is one of the finest cardiopulmonary exercises.

"Swimming is one of the finest cardiopulmonary exercises."

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It's wonderful for the development of the major muscle groups,

"It's wonderful for the development of the major muscle groups,"

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particularly the latissimus dorsi.

"particularly the latissimus dorsi."

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I bet you're kicking yourself that I got to her first.

"I bet you're kicking yourself that I got to her first."

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We're gonna take off now. You two have a good time.

"We're gonna take off now. You two have a good time."

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You two, too.

"You two, too."

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Andy Andy and I will have fun fun.

"Andy Andy and I will have fun fun."

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So, what do you think, Andy? How does ltalian food sound?

"So, what do you think, Andy? How does ltalian food sound?"

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I've been hungry for Italian food all day.

"I've been hungry for Italian food all day."

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Anywhere but Via Milano.

"Anywhere but Via Milano."

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That's bad memories for me. I killed a waitress there.

"That's bad memories for me. I killed a waitress there."

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- We'll double. - Did you hear what he said?

"- We'll double. - Did you hear what he said?"

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Listen, Coach, you're not gonna believe this.

"Listen, Coach, you're not gonna believe this."

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- I was just talking to the guys... - I'd like to believe it, Carla.

"- I was just talking to the guys... - I'd like to believe it, Carla."

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No, coach, not that.

"No, coach, not that."

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You know who that guy that Sam just set Diane up with is?

"You know who that guy that Sam just set Diane up with is?"

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Who?

"Who?"

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He just got out of the pen after doing 10 years for manslaughter.

"He just got out of the pen after doing 10 years for manslaughter."

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That must be them now. I saw them taking off on a motorcycle.

"That must be them now. I saw them taking off on a motorcycle."

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Diane had to ride piggyback on a motorcycle? That's great.

"Diane had to ride piggyback on a motorcycle? That's great."

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You didn't think we were gonna make that last jump, did you?

"You didn't think we were gonna make that last jump, did you?"

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Here we are. Anybody need anything?

"Here we are. Anybody need anything?"

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A five-minute head start?

"A five-minute head start?"

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Why don't we sit down and pick up the conversation where we left off?

"Why don't we sit down and pick up the conversation where we left off?"

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