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Clips from Family Guy - Pawtucket Pat (S19E19)

"Huh, what's this?"
Family Guy
"Some kind of leather‐bound book sealed with wax."
Family Guy
"Wow. I think it's his diary."
Family Guy
"See? Men can too have diaries."
Family Guy
"Yeah, his cover doesn't have sparkles, champ."
Family Guy
"First page. "Dad, don't read this.""
Family Guy
"Second page. "Seriously, Dad, don't read this.""
Family Guy
"Third page. "Dad, what are you doing?"
Family Guy
"Don't read this.""
Family Guy
"Fourth page. "I kissed my sister.""
Family Guy
"Okay, let's flip ahead."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God."
Family Guy
"- What? - He says that he didn't create"
Family Guy
"his recipe for beer."
Family Guy
"He stole it from some Native Americans"
Family Guy
"and killed them to keep his secret,"
Family Guy
"and then he kissed his sister again."
Family Guy
"What? That's insane."
Family Guy
"Pawtucket Pat is the most revered person in Quahog."
Family Guy
"Not anymore. This is a big story."
Family Guy
"Can you believe it? It's like we're Woodward and Berenstain."
Family Guy
"Follow the honey."
Family Guy
"(indistinct chatter)"
Family Guy
"What the hell?"
Family Guy
"Hey, hey. What are you guys doing?"
Family Guy
"Why are you so upset about Pat?"
Family Guy
"Pawtucket Pat was a phony!"
Family Guy
"(chuckles) I remember you."
Family Guy
"But no, he isn't. He's a hero."
Family Guy
"Not anymore. He's a racist murderer"
Family Guy
"and this statue should be torn down."
Family Guy
"(sighs) God, there's a lot wrong with this,"
Family Guy
"but you can't tear this down."
Family Guy
"Pat's an icon."
Family Guy
"That statue belongs right here in the park,"
Family Guy
"next to the statue of Quahog's greatest missionary,"
Family Guy
"Father Touchboys."
Family Guy
"That statue was removed a year ago."
Family Guy
"For what?!"
Family Guy
"Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker."
Family Guy
"Our top story: the revelations about local hero Pawtucket Pat"
Family Guy
"continue to rock Quahog."
Family Guy
"The town is divided over whether his statue"
Family Guy
"should remain in the park."
Family Guy
"Even the pigeons who poop on it are in a moral quandary."
Family Guy
"So, what do you two think of the statue being on public land?"
Family Guy
"- Coo. - Not coo."
Family Guy
"PETER: My friend is the mailman."
Family Guy
"I'm gonna give him a heart attack."
Family Guy
"Good job, Brian. Your work has actually made an impact."
Family Guy
"Thanks, Stewie. I think everybody's"
Family Guy
"gonna be happy about this."
Family Guy
"Where do you get off?!"
Family Guy
"In my bedroom, mostly. Sometimes the bathroom."
Family Guy
"Or wherever I see a lady seal an envelope."
Family Guy
"Good, good. I am glad we can talk frankly about sex."
Family Guy
"And Brian, how dare you try to take down"
Family Guy
"the statue of Pawtucket Pat?"
Family Guy
"Oh, my God. You don't actually support"
Family Guy
"keeping it there, do you?"
Family Guy
"Of course I do. It's been there my whole life."
Family Guy
"And I am gonna do whatever it takes to keep it up."
Family Guy
"Finally, Peter cares about keeping something up."
Family Guy
"Lois, will you stifle yourself?"
Family Guy
"(laughter, applause)"
Family Guy
"Yesterday, Meg sat there without pants."
Family Guy
"Yuck. Brian, Pat is a hero."
Family Guy
"H‐He practically built Quahog."
Family Guy
"And his statue is part of the town."
Family Guy
"And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let"
Family Guy
"some draft‐dodging liberals tear it down."
Family Guy
"- We don't have a draft. - Well, then,"
Family Guy
"who shaved my head and yelled at me for two months?"
Family Guy
"Peter, we've been over this. That was the Heaven's Gate cult."
Family Guy
"Oh, right, that‐that thing with the shoes."
Family Guy
"Yeah, o‐once I got the shoes, I split."
Family Guy
"The statue has got to go."
Family Guy
"Brian, for years, it's been a tradition"
Family Guy
"that every boy, when he turns 16,"
Family Guy
"has to kiss the statue's crotch while his friends take pictures."
Family Guy
"That's not a tradition."
Family Guy
"Ah, then I think some fun was had at my expense."
Family Guy
"Peter, we can't leave a symbol like that in the town square."
Family Guy
"Pawtucket Pat was a horrible racist."
Family Guy
"Well, so is Tucker Carlson, but we still say hi to him"
Family Guy
"at the company picnic."
Family Guy
"Brian, if you apply the values of today"
Family Guy
"to people who lived almost 300 year ago,"
Family Guy
"uh, doesn't that mean we'd have to take down the statues"
Family Guy
"of pretty much everyone?"
Family Guy
"I‐I mean, where do you draw the line?"
Family Guy
"Wait a minute, y‐you don't agree with Peter, do you?"
Family Guy
"I don't know. I‐I'm uncomfortable"
Family Guy
"with a racist statue being smack in the middle of Quahog,"
Family Guy
"but as a woman, I need landmarks to find my way around town."
Family Guy
"I mean, without that statue, I'm completely disoriented."
Family Guy
"Okay, if anyone needs me, I'll be in the kitchen."
Family Guy
"Damn it, who moved the lamp?"
Family Guy
"Well, what does the rest of the family think? Chris?"
Family Guy
"- Ha! You got sunflowered. - What?"
Family Guy
"When a Gen Z kid wants out of a conversation,"
Family Guy
"he leaves a large sunflower in his place."
Family Guy
"That's ridiculous. There is no way"
Family Guy
"that children regularly disappear"
Family Guy
"and then replace themselves with sunflowers"
Family Guy
"just to express their boredom."
Family Guy
"Ha. You got sunflowered again."
Family Guy
"Why are you back?"
Family Guy
"(scoffs) We only have one sunflower."
Family Guy
"Okay, I‐I clearly don't understand your generation,"
Family Guy
"but Meg, you're currently taking world history."
Family Guy
"What do you think should happen to the statue?"
Family Guy
"I don't care. I'm an agent of chaos."
Family Guy
"Ow! Well, screw you guys."
Family Guy
"Pawtucket Pat is a hero. That statue ain't going nowhere."
Family Guy
"It's a part of history. Just like Catherine the Great."
Family Guy
"My great people of Russia."
Family Guy
"As your empress, my legacy shall be expanding Russia's borders,"
Family Guy
"growing her armies, building palaces"
Family Guy
"that will be admired for centuries..."
Family Guy
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