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Clips from Seinfeld - The Barber (S05E05)

"He's starting here today."
Seinfeld
"Welcome aboard."
Seinfeld
"Thanks, Mike. Nice to be aboard."
Seinfeld
"I didn't know Mr. Tuttle was finished interviewing."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he was probably just getting anxious to start his vacation."
Seinfeld
"- He wants to know where his office is. - Oh, well..."
Seinfeld
"Let's see. We've got two."
Seinfeld
"There's the big one down the hall and the small one here."
Seinfeld
"- I should ask Jack. - Oh, leave Jack alone."
Seinfeld
"Jack's got enough problems."
Seinfeld
"- I'll just take the small office. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"Yes. I like to feel cozy."
Seinfeld
"I have a small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in."
Seinfeld
"Love to be nestled."
Seinfeld
"All right. It's 808, right down there."
Seinfeld
"Meanwhile, I'll get you the Pensky file. You can start working on that."
Seinfeld
"Yes, of course. The Pensky file."
Seinfeld
"Can't wait to sink my teeth into that."
Seinfeld
"Wow, that Pensky."
Seinfeld
"Well, we'll straighten him out."
Seinfeld
"What do you do there all day?"
Seinfeld
"They gave me the Pensky file."
Seinfeld
"- So it's a nice place to work? - You know, I'm enjoying it very much."
Seinfeld
"I think my coworkers are really taking to me."
Seinfeld
"We're like a family."
Seinfeld
"In fact, yesterday was Grace's birthday."
Seinfeld
"She's such a sweet woman."
Seinfeld
"We had a little party with cake and champagne."
Seinfeld
"I made a toast."
Seinfeld
"What about your boss, the guy who interviewed you?"
Seinfeld
"He'll be back on Monday."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"How come you're wearing a hat?"
Seinfeld
"I got a haircut."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah? Can I see it?"
Seinfeld
"There's nothing to see."
Seinfeld
"- Come on. Let me see it. - Forget it."
Seinfeld
"Come on."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Very good. Thank you."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"You can forget about me going to that bachelor auction."
Seinfeld
"What? No, Jerry. You have to go."
Seinfeld
"You know, Elaine, I'd do it, but I'm working that day."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Too bad."
Seinfeld
"This is the worst haircut Jerry's ever had. You gotta fix it."
Seinfeld
"Sure."
Seinfeld
"I fix. But you gotta make sure you no tell anybody."
Seinfeld
"He's a little crazy."
Seinfeld
"I don't know what he do if he find out I touch Jerry's hair."
Seinfeld
"So, I love that Edward Scissorhands."
Seinfeld
"That's the best movie I ever see."
Seinfeld
"Again with the Edward Scissorhands."
Seinfeld
"How can you have a hand like a scissor?"
Seinfeld
"Show me one person who's got a hand like a scissor."
Seinfeld
"Hey, it's a beautiful dream. I love to be this man."
Seinfeld
"Did you ever think about what you're going to do on the toilet?"
Seinfeld
"What are you going to do on the toilet?!"
Seinfeld
"I'd like to have shoehorn hands."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Okay, now listen to me."
Seinfeld
"I talked to Gino. He'll fix the haircut."
Seinfeld
"Great. Then you can go to the bachelor auction."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, but- - No buts."
Seinfeld
"His apartment tonight, 8:00."
Seinfeld
"- Can he fix it? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Boy, you got a beautiful head of hair."
Seinfeld
"Well, thank you."
Seinfeld
"I bet Uncle Enzo, he tell you that all the time."
Seinfeld
"Actually, Enzo hasn't said that to me in a while."
Seinfeld
"I don't think Uncle Enzo realize what a lucky barber he is."
Seinfeld
"That's nice of you to say."
Seinfeld
"Just a second."
Seinfeld
"- Yes? - It's your Uncle Enzo."
Seinfeld
"It's Uncle Enzo! Quick. Go in there. I'll clean up."
Seinfeld
"Come on up."
Seinfeld
"Uncle Enzo, what are you doing here?"
Seinfeld
"- I come to apologize. - Apologize?"
Seinfeld
"I rented the movie Edward Scissorhands."
Seinfeld
"That Johnny Depp, he make me cry."
Seinfeld
"He make me cry too. You want something to drink?"
Seinfeld
"Hey! What's all this?"
Seinfeld
"Nothing. It's just hair."
Seinfeld
"- You do haircut in the apartment? - No."
Seinfeld
"Pizza man was here. Maybe some fall off."
Seinfeld
"He's going bald."
Seinfeld
"It looks very familiar."
Seinfeld
"In the one minute he worked on me, I could tell he was good."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Slow, gentle, attentive."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Didn't I tell you? - But Enzo picked up one of my hairs."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? So? - I think he knew."
Seinfeld
"- No, he doesn't know. - He knows my hair."
Seinfeld
"You're imagining things. He doesn't know a thing."
Seinfeld
"- Come on. Pull yourself together. - Okay, okay."
Seinfeld
"What happened? It looks the same."
Seinfeld
"He didn't get to finish. His uncle came in. We almost got caught!"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, the auction is in a few hours."
Seinfeld
"- Take the K-Man. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"You can still go."
Seinfeld
"What, are you kidding? Look at him. He's grotesque."
Seinfeld
"- Do you think? - Do I think? He's repugnant."
Seinfeld
"- What would you wear? - Whatever it takes."
Seinfeld
"See, Newman is a good customer."
Seinfeld
"Once I find a barber, I stick with him. I almost went to barber school."
Seinfeld
"I always felt I had a talent for it."
Seinfeld
"Not everybody like Newman, so loyal."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, just the way that I was raised."
Seinfeld
"I'm special."
Seinfeld
"You know, I don't mind if somebody's funny..."
Seinfeld
"...but I no like the funny business."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna go out for a little bit."
Seinfeld
"- I'll be right back. - Take your time."
Seinfeld
"You happy with the haircut?"
Seinfeld
"It's okay. A little crooked."
Seinfeld
"How you like to have a free haircut for six months?"
Seinfeld
"- What's the catch? - You get me a sample of Jerry's hair."
Seinfeld
"That job sounds like it might be worth..."
Seinfeld
"...a year's free haircuts. And a comb."
Seinfeld
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