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Clips from Orange Is the New Black - I Wasn't Ready (S01E01)

"Hi, Sister. This is Chapman."
Orange Is the New Black
"Sister? As in nun?"
Orange Is the New Black
"Yep. A killer nun."
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"Now, stop it. She doesn't know you're joking."
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"She chained herself to a flagpole at a nuclear test site."
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"Amen."
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"So. Now, Chapman, what's your story?"
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"I chained myself to a drug dealer."
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"Piper, you can't be taking advice from a nun and a hippie."
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"By all means, seek out the supreme wisdom of the junkie philosopher."
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"I pray for you, Nicky."
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"I pray for you, too, Sister."
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"I lust after you, Yoga Jones, those sinewy arms."
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"You gotta love a yoga body."
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"You should come to class. Watch me chaturanga."
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"That whole common room smells like farts. It kind of takes away the magic for me."
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"You like pussy, Piper?"
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"Or you prefer pipe as your name suggests?"
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"I'm feeling some Sapphic vibes coming off you."
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"Oh, leave her alone."
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"Come on, Sister."
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"You know you would've gone my way if you hadn't married Jesus."
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"Thank you, Mommy."
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"Thanks, Red."
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"Thanks, Red."
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"She's your mom?"
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"Maternal figurehead."
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"My actual mother lives in Brazil with her boyfriend, Paolo,"
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"who destroys rainforests and collects photorealistic art."
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"She is a cunt. I am an embarrassment."
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"Hey, Red. You got one of those for me?"
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"You got what I asked you for?"
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"I'm working on it."
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"So am I. Treats come when I sleep better."
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"How hard is it to get me a board from the woodshop? People."
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"Who's this?"
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"This is Chapman. She's new. Self-surrender. Thinks she's fancy."
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"Here, fancy. Have a yogurt."
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"What do I have to do for it?"
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"You're new. You're one of us. Consider it a gift."
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"Thank you. Thank you so much."
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"The food here is disgusting."
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"What?"
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"Did I mention that Red runs the kitchen?"
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"Shit. I'm sorry."
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"Honey."
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"I know you just got here, so you don't know what's what."
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"Well, I'm gonna tell you."
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"You don't like the food? It's no problem."
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"Holy shit. That was an epic fuck-up."
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"Can I help you?."
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"I'm Chapman. I'm new today."
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"They told me I should talk to you. I don't have a PAC number."
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"Who's they?"
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"Mr. Caputo, please let me call my fiancÈ. I have to let him know I'm okay."
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"Two minutes. You got two minutes, that's it."
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"Close the door, I don't want a run on my office."
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"Inmate Gonzalez report to the supply room."
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"Dial nine to get out."
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"-Hello, Larry's phone. -Amy?"
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"-Piper? -Give me the phone."
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"One second. Can I say hello?"
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"Amy, I only have two minutes to talk."
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"Are you okay? What's it like in there?"
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"Howard and I brought Chinese. Larry is so upset."
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"-Mom. -Let him talk, Amy."
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"Ma, give me the phone."
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"Amy, please let me talk to Larry."
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"You know, I read that when Martha Stewart was in prison,"
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"she foraged for dandelions."
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"Okay, Mom, please."
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"-I was talking! -Amy, it's not always about you, dear."
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"-What is that supposed to mean? -Piper?"
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"I only have a minute now. I'm calling from the guard's office."
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"Hey, are you okay? What's going on?"
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"I love you so much."
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"I love you, too. Are you okay?"
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"I'm wearing granny panties and I've only spoken to white people."
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"You joining the Aryan Nation?"
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"I don't know. But there's a nun here."
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"And you're not allowed to sleep in your bed. Only on top of it."
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"That's weird."
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"I know, right?"
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"And when I got here, they gave me these little bars of hotel soap, but no shampoo."
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"But I think that I can borrow some from other white people."
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"I love you so much."
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"One of my roommates had a massive heart attack when she got here."
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"Okay, you are not allowed to have a heart attack."
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"What did you have for dinner?"
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"My folks brought from The Palace."
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"The Palace."
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"Dinner here was scary liver."
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"And I insulted the chef,"
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"and you're not supposed to eat the pudding because it's been to Desert Storm."
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"Piper, listen to me. You cannot lose your shit, okay?."
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"I mean it. Please, please tell me you're keeping it together."
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"Please, please tell me you're okay."
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"-Wrap it up, Chapman. -I'm Chapman here."
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"You're my Pipes, okay? And I love you, and this is only temporary."
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"That's what Yoga Jones said. But it's just been one day."
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"And I can't, I can't!"
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"Piper, you can. You so can, okay?"
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"You are so strong, babe. You..."
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"And you love adventure, right?"
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"That's what got you in there, and that's what's gonna get you through."
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"This is all just a big adventure with liver and Yoga Jones,"
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"and racism."
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"You can come on Friday. Please come on Friday."
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"Tell my mother to come on Saturday,"
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"and don't tell her that you're coming on Friday, okay?"
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"Of course. Okay?"
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"Two sleeps. That's it."
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"Two sleeps on top of your bed. And then, I will be there."
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"Coming up on lights out. Say goodbye."
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"I have to go."
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"Hey, no crying."
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"I'm not crying."
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"Piper, I love you. I will see you on Friday."
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"Please, be brave. Don't let anyone into your granny panties."
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"I love you."
Orange Is the New Black
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