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Clips from Orange Is the New Black - I Wasn't Ready (S01E01)

"How am I gonna get it off?"
Orange Is the New Black
"Acetone."
Orange Is the New Black
"Great. Alex, I don't, I don't know if I can..."
Orange Is the New Black
"Hey."
Orange Is the New Black
"Hey, hey, hey."
Orange Is the New Black
"You are a nice blonde lady, aren't you?"
Orange Is the New Black
"A proper young lady."
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"Just picking up her sensible bag in the baggage claim"
Orange Is the New Black
"before heading off to her mid-range hotel to go over her schedules."
Orange Is the New Black
"Museum visits and fancy dinners."
Orange Is the New Black
"It's all fine. It's all good."
Orange Is the New Black
"And I will meet you in Brussels, and everything will work out perfectly, babe."
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"I promise."
Orange Is the New Black
"It's all gonna be okay."
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"Are you okay?."
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"Fine. I guess."
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"What's PoPi?"
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"Poppy."
Orange Is the New Black
"It's a bath products line I'd started with my friend, Polly."
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"Polly and Piper. PoPi. We're gonna be in Barneys."
Orange Is the New Black
"Barneys?"
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"It's a nice store."
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"It's a pretty big case. Criminal conspiracy."
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"That's what they charged me with."
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"I carried a suitcase of money."
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"Drug money. Once."
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"T en years ago."
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"What's the statute of limitations on that?"
Orange Is the New Black
"Twelve years."
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"That's tough."
Orange Is the New Black
"Well,"
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"I did it, that one time, 1 0 years ago."
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"What did your lawyer say?"
Orange Is the New Black
"He said with the mandatory minimums with drug crimes,"
Orange Is the New Black
"he wouldn't recommend risking a trial. So, I pleaded out."
Orange Is the New Black
"And here you are."
Orange Is the New Black
"Here I am."
Orange Is the New Black
"Costing the tax payers money and sweating in my armchair."
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"You know, I've been here for 22 years,"
Orange Is the New Black
"and I still can't figure out how the system works."
Orange Is the New Black
"I got a crack dealer who is doing nine months,"
Orange Is the New Black
"and then I have a lady who accidently backed into a mailman"
Orange Is the New Black
"who is doing four years."
Orange Is the New Black
"I mean, the guy broke his collar bone, but come on."
Orange Is the New Black
"I just don't get it."
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"Are you gonna barf?"
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"Tell me if you're gonna barf. Because there's a can behind you."
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"I won't barf."
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"I will be truly displeased if you barf anywhere but in that can."
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"Not gonna barf."
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"Miss Chapman,"
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"no one's gonna mess with you here unless you let them."
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"This isn't Oz."
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"Women fight with gossip and rumors."
Orange Is the New Black
"They might peg you for rich and try to hit you up for commissary."
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"And there are lesbians."
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"They're not gonna bother you."
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"They'll try to be your friend, just stay away from them."
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"I want you to understand, you do not have to have lesbian sex."
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"I have a fiancÈ."
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"His name is Larry."
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"He's a writer."
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"Can he come visit me?"
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"-Is he in here? -Yes. Everybody's in there."
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"All the people in the PSI are cleared to visit."
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"He can come this weekend."
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"-I'll make sure the list is in the visiting room. -Thank you so much, Mr. Healy."
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"You just keep to yourself. And you'll be fine."
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"And don't make friends."
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"And remember, nothing goes on here that I don't know about."
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"You know everything about me! I tell you everything!"
Orange Is the New Black
"The webcam horror, the penis shaving incident."
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"How do I not know this?"
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"What was I supposed to say? It was..."
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"It was a phase."
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"It was my lost-soul, post-college adventure phase."
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"I was so embarrassed. I can't believe that she did this."
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"I can't believe you did this."
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"I mean, who are you?"
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"I feel like I'm in a Bourne movie. Have you killed?"
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"Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Baby. Stop. Stop, stop."
Orange Is the New Black
"Come on. Come on."
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"Okay."
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"You should break up with me."
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"-What? -You didn't sign up for this."
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"Okay, stop it. Stop it. Come on. It's okay."
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"Okay?"
Orange Is the New Black
"Witness states, Piper Chapman carried drug money."
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"Piper Chapman was part of the ring."
Orange Is the New Black
"Were you?"
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"I was 22."
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"I thought that I was in love."
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"I was in love."
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"And it was all crazy."
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"And then it got scary,"
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"and I ran away,"
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"and I became the nice blonde lady that I was supposed to be."
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"I knew that she wasn't a good person, but fuck her!"
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"Fuck her! This is not gonna be okay."
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"-No. -No."
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"It's not."
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"But we'll deal with it, okay?"
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"We'll figure it out."
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"Have you called a lawyer?"
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"-No. -I'll call my dad."
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"No! No. Please don't call your dad. He already hates me."
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"Yeah, well, I love you."
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"And, and he loves me, so, here we go."
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"All right, we gotta hustle, 'cause the count's soon."
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"Rooms are there. Dorms are down there."
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"Now, you are not allowed down there."
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"It's out of bounds for you guys until you get assigned there."
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"You understand?"
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"Namaste, Jones!"
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"She teaches yoga if you ever want. And she's good. She's very spiritual."
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"All right, we got some offices here."
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"This is the dining hall, common room, counselor's office."
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"Who you got for a counselor?"
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"Healy."
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"Okay. Yeah."
Orange Is the New Black
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