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Clips from Umbrella Academy (2019) - Kindest Cut (S03E03)

"-Now, we're gonna have to take turns. -[gasps]"
Umbrella Academy (2019)
"Oh my God! What happened to you?"
Umbrella Academy (2019)
"-Was it Harlan? -[Diego] What?"
Umbrella Academy (2019)
"The Sparrows are right. He shouldn't be here. He's dangerous."
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"He's only dangerous because I made him that way."
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"This is my problem,"
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"and I appreciate your concern, but I'm gonna figure it out."
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"I'm gonna fix it."
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"-What's going on? -Oh my God. He got you too?"
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"You okay?"
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"-Great. You? -Never better."
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"[all gasp]"
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"[Lila and Five grunt]"
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"[Lila panting]"
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"[Five groans]"
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"[Lila groans]"
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"-Shit. -Shoo!"
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"Where have you been?"
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"Facing my mortality, Viktor. I don't recommend it."
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"You had the briefcase? We've been looking for this!"
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"[Five] Well, look no further. That's the last one on Earth."
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"Or was the last one."
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"[Allison scoffs]"
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"[Five] Yeah, that's toast."
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"[Five] Oh shit. All right."
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"Hey. You're happy to see me. What's wrong?"
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"Turns out there's less time to hold grudges than I had planned."
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"You're off the hook."
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"Hey, where's Stan?"
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"-Excuse me. One second. -Yeah?"
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"Did you and Allison get into some kinda fight last night?"
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"-[Diego] Hell yes! -[grunts]"
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"We kicked some serious ass last night."
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"-What the hell's gotten into this family? -I don't know, but it's awesome."
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"[Diego] Swear to God, I've never seen her do things like she did yesterday."
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"She was brutal."
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"-[Diego] It's fine. -[Allison grunts]"
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"You know, just needed to blow some steam off. I helped."
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"[Diego] She's good."
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"Oh, yeah. Real good."
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"Hey, Chatty Cathys, quit the chitchat, all right?"
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"I'm calling a family meeting here."
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"Ah, ah, ah."
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"That means you too."
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"Where's Klaus?"
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"I'll be right back."
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"Don't leave me with your--"
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"Dieg-- Lost another. Great."
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"Spit it out, Five."
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"Oh, well, since you asked so nicely, sister mine,"
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"our little paradox brought forth a freaking Kugelblitz."
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"What the hell is a Kugelblitz?"
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"[whistles] Stan!"
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"[Diego whistles]"
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"Stanley!"
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"What is all this? Acid?"
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"Well, um, you told me to clean up my own mess."
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"I just have to thank you for teaching me such a valuable lesson"
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"in personal responsibility."
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"Yeah, I'm not buying that. What's going on?"
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"You got blood on you."
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"Come on, talk to me."
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"Hey, I'm your dad."
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"Um… okay."
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"But you gotta promise you won't be pissed."
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"[Diego] What did you do?"
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"[Stan] Nothing."
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"-Do not lie to me. This is my brother. -[Stan breathing rapidly]"
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"Tell me what you did."
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"We were just messing around, and it was fine."
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"Until the gun went off."
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"And you were gonna dissolve the body?!"
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"I didn't know what else to do, okay?"
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"[sobbing] You were gonna hate me, and I'd have to go to prison,"
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"join a gang for protection, and end up in the hole!"
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"Hey, hey, hey, hey."
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"I don't hate you."
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"I just… can't believe it, okay?"
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"[Diego] All the stupid shit Klaus used to do."
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"I used to think he could survive anything, and now he's dead."
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"I'm really, really sorry."
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"[crying and sniffling]"
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"Me too, kid."
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"[Diego] Come on and help me wrap up your uncle in the carpet."
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"I know you."
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"[woman] Of course you do."
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"I'm your mother."
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"'Course."
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"Is that menudo?"
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"Yes."
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"Good stuff."
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"Mmm…"
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"Mmm. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm."
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"[laughs]"
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"Mmm!"
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"So how can you be my mom if you died before I was born?"
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"How have you died 56 times and come back to life?"
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"That's a trick question 'cause I didn't know that I was doing that."
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"Well, what did you think you were doing?"
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"I just thought I was one of those lovable rascally Looney Tunes characters."
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"Hit me on the head with a hammer, and I see some cartoon birds."
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"And then, pop! I get back up."
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"Uh…"
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"What's a "cartoon"?"
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"Oh, seriously? You're so Amish."
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"-Oh! -You're so--"
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"I'm kidding. [laughs]"
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"We have all the channels here."
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"But mostly, I watch you."
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"Even the naughty bits?"
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"I've seen you mourning me, and you don't need to."
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"I'm… I'm at peace."
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"Bah!"
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"Peace is overrated."
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"And chaos is exhausting."
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"Only for amateurs. I'm a professional, Mom."
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"So just tell me, okay? Tell me who it was who killed you."
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"-You're not looking for vengeance. -I'm not--"
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"You're looking for purpose."
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"And I can't give you that."
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