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Clips from Seinfeld - The Mango (S05E05)

"How about the seedless watermelon? What an invention."
Seinfeld
"Scientists are working on this."
Seinfeld
"Other scientists devote their lives to fighting cancer, AIDS."
Seinfeld
"These guys go, "No, I'm focusing on melon."
Seinfeld
"Oh, sure, thousands of people are dying needlessly..."
Seinfeld
"...but this, that's gotta stop."
Seinfeld
"You ever try and pick a wet one up off the floor? It's almost impossible."
Seinfeld
"I'm devoting my life to that.""
Seinfeld
"So I guess if they can get rid of the seeds, the rind is going next."
Seinfeld
"What do we need that for? They're not gonna stop..."
Seinfeld
"...until they're making ready-to-eat fruit cups..."
Seinfeld
"...growing right out of the ground."
Seinfeld
"- So, what's her name? - Karen."
Seinfeld
"- She nice? - Great."
Seinfeld
"- So you like her? - I think so."
Seinfeld
"You don't know?"
Seinfeld
"I can't tell anymore."
Seinfeld
"- Well, do you feel anything? - Feel? What's that?"
Seinfeld
"Let me ask you this. When she comes over, you cleaning up a lot?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Straightening up or cleaning?"
Seinfeld
"- Cleaning. - You do the tub?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - On your knees, Ajax..."
Seinfeld
"- ...hands, scrubbing, the whole deal? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Okay. I think you're in love."
Seinfeld
"- Tub is love? - Tub is love."
Seinfeld
"You got a nice girl and a clean apartment."
Seinfeld
"Yep."
Seinfeld
"Just one little problem."
Seinfeld
"- Sexual? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Well..."
Seinfeld
"...I've never really felt confident..."
Seinfeld
"...in one particular aspect."
Seinfeld
"- Below the equator? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Nobody does."
Seinfeld
"You know, nobody knows what to do."
Seinfeld
"You just close your eyes, you hope for the best."
Seinfeld
"I really think they're happy if you just make an effort."
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Last time I got the tap."
Seinfeld
"You got the tap?"
Seinfeld
"You're going along, you think everything's all right..."
Seinfeld
"...and all of a sudden you get that tap."
Seinfeld
"It's like, " All right, that's enough. You're through.""
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- The tap is tough. - It's like the manager coming out..."
Seinfeld
"- ...and asking you for the ball. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Maybe she wanted to move on to other business."
Seinfeld
"No, no, this wasn't moving on."
Seinfeld
"I got the hook."
Seinfeld
"I wish I could get a lesson in that."
Seinfeld
"It's a very complicated area."
Seinfeld
"You could go crazy trying to figure that place out."
Seinfeld
"It's a hazy mystery."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, I think everything else is okay..."
Seinfeld
"...unless, of course, she's faking."
Seinfeld
"- Who's faking? - Nothing."
Seinfeld
"- Faking what? - Nobody's faking."
Seinfeld
"- Orgasms? - She's not faking."
Seinfeld
"- How do you know? - I know. I can tell."
Seinfeld
"It's one of my powers."
Seinfeld
"Why? Did you ever fake?"
Seinfeld
"- Of course. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"- You've faked? - On occasion."
Seinfeld
"- And the guy never knows? - No."
Seinfeld
"How can he not know that?"
Seinfeld
"Because I was good."
Seinfeld
"I guess after that many beers, he's probably a little groggy anyway."
Seinfeld
"Well, you didn't know."
Seinfeld
"What's that?"
Seinfeld
"You didn't know."
Seinfeld
"- Are you saying-? - I think I'll have a piece of cake."
Seinfeld
"- With me? - Well..."
Seinfeld
"- You faked with me? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- You faked with me? - Yes."
Seinfeld
"- No. You faked it? - Yes. I faked it."
Seinfeld
"That whole thing, the whole production, it was all an act?"
Seinfeld
"Not bad, huh?"
Seinfeld
"What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?"
Seinfeld
"Fake, fake, fake, fake."
Seinfeld
"I'm stunned. I'm shocked."
Seinfeld
"How many times did you do this?"
Seinfeld
"- All the time. - All the time?"
Seinfeld
"I think I'll have a chocolate malted here."
Seinfeld
"But I'm so good."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure you are."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, listen, it wasn't you. I just didn't have them back then."
Seinfeld
"She faked."
Seinfeld
"- Maybe they've all been faking. - I'm sure they're not."
Seinfeld
"Maybe Karen is faking."
Seinfeld
"- She was probably joking. - No, no. It was no joke."
Seinfeld
"- She didn't have any? - No, none."
Seinfeld
"- She faked them all? - Faked them all."
Seinfeld
"Well, so she faked them. So what?"
Seinfeld
"The woman had an orgasm under false pretenses."
Seinfeld
"That's sexual perjury."
Seinfeld
"You know, I heard her screaming from my apartment."
Seinfeld
"She woke me up a few times."
Seinfeld
"How did she do it? She's like Meryl Streep, this woman."
Seinfeld
"And I know how to work the equipment."
Seinfeld
"I'm not unskilled, I'm in the union."
Seinfeld
"I mean, if she'd told me, maybe I could have done something."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I could've helped you out."
Seinfeld
"- What could you have done? - I could've given you some pointers."
Seinfeld
"I know how to press those buttons, buddy."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm feeling very inadequate about the whole thing. Don't:"
Seinfeld
"I'm supposed to do something with her later. I don't even wanna see her."
Seinfeld
"Hello?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, hello, Elaine."
Seinfeld
"So we having dinner tonight?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. I'm not really in the mood."
Seinfeld
"Why? What's wrong?"
Seinfeld
"You're not still thinking about earlier, are you?"
Seinfeld
"What, the grilled cheese? No, they always burn the toast."
Seinfeld
"No, the other thing."
Seinfeld
"Oh, that. Well..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on, Jerry. You're making too much of a big deal about it."
Seinfeld
"- I guess. So you wanna meet at 7:30? - Okay."
Seinfeld
"- All right. Bye. - All right, see you later. Bye."
Seinfeld
"Renee, can you come here a second?"
Seinfeld
"Let me ask you something."
Seinfeld
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