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Clips from Avenue 5 - Eight Arms But No Hands (S01E01)

"All right, come on, Chuckles, let's go."
Avenue 5
"Yes, sir, I've-- I've pressed the button."
Avenue 5
"(SIGHS) All right."
Avenue 5
"♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪"
Avenue 5
"RYAN: Billie? What-- Why aren't you doing the..."
Avenue 5
"Why do you think?"
Avenue 5
"Oh, fuck! No!"
Avenue 5
"-No, I can't go. -No?"
Avenue 5
"You need my hands..."
Avenue 5
"to-- to-- the big fucking steel--"
Avenue 5
"because Joe's hands are now pulped to buggery!"
Avenue 5
"-Yeah. -No, I've gotta stay."
Avenue 5
"But actually, this forgetfulness"
Avenue 5
"makes me think maybe you should go."
Avenue 5
"-Is he... always like that? -BILLIE: Oh, yeah."
Avenue 5
"He occasionally switches up the accent,"
Avenue 5
"but for the most part, this is what I've been dealing with."
Avenue 5
"Maybe I should go."
Avenue 5
"Frank!"
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"Okay. No, I'm good."
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"Shut up, Frank, 'cause the seat's got my name on it!"
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"What? Oh, does the seat say "Smasher Fuckboy" on it?"
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"You know what? I'm done with this hokey-pokey bull-S."
Avenue 5
"All right, uh, set port side jettison."
Avenue 5
"Hit that baby!"
Avenue 5
"JUDD: (AUTOMATED VOICE) Jettison commencing. Fifty-five, 54..."
Avenue 5
"You know, you've been my least favorite so far."
Avenue 5
"Well, you're not exactly Audrey Hepburn, are you?"
Avenue 5
"-So let's just... (SIGHS) -JUDD: (AUTOMATED) ...forty-nine..."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, well, it is time for the second button."
Avenue 5
"JUDD: (AUTOMATED) ...forty-six, 45..."
Avenue 5
"PAUL: That was the second button."
Avenue 5
"JUDD: (SECOND AUTOMATED VOICE) Shuttle launch commencing."
Avenue 5
"-JUDD: (FIRST AUTOMATED VOICE) ...forty-one... -Sixty..."
Avenue 5
"-...forty... -...fifty-nine..."
Avenue 5
"-...thirty-nine... -...fifty-eight..."
Avenue 5
"-...thirty-eight... -...fifty-seven..."
Avenue 5
"What is this, a barbershit quartet?"
Avenue 5
"This is like psychosis,"
Avenue 5
"but without any of the advantages."
Avenue 5
"Why would you use your own voice?"
Avenue 5
"I have a beautiful voice."
Avenue 5
"Iris, do you remember the day that we recorded my numbers?"
Avenue 5
"Yes, you struggled to count in reverse,"
Avenue 5
"so he counted up and made us re-edit it."
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHS) So genius."
Avenue 5
"Okay, make a hole. Judd coming through. Come on."
Avenue 5
"JUDD: Why am I going now? I thought we all agreed"
Avenue 5
"that every living creature on Earth hated me."
Avenue 5
"Is it 40 or four for the launch?"
Avenue 5
"-Get your talentless ass outta here. -No, no!"
Avenue 5
"JUDD: (AUTOMATED) ...thirty-one..."
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"-Airlocks open, yes. -IRIS: Judd!"
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"Get your talented ass in here!"
Avenue 5
"And jettison."
Avenue 5
"-(RUMBLING) -(ALL EXCLAIMING)"
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"I didn't touch anything."
Avenue 5
"We just jettisoned from the port side airlocks."
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"We're gonna home in six months, baby."
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"That's the woman who made me marry her!"
Avenue 5
"You jettisoned out of the rear, not the port side."
Avenue 5
"You said "port side." It's the rear of the ship."
Avenue 5
"The port side airlock jettison, yeah."
Avenue 5
"-No, the rear of the ship... -No, the port--"
Avenue 5
"...is where we were jettisoning things out."
Avenue 5
"-Oh, that's right. Yeah. -BILLIE: Yeah."
Avenue 5
"But no. Um... Because we had so much stuff that--"
Avenue 5
"And there are five airlocks along the port side"
Avenue 5
"and only two at the stern. So it was more efficient,"
Avenue 5
"you know, to jettison from the port side."
Avenue 5
"No, the whole point"
Avenue 5
"is to jettison from the back of the ship"
Avenue 5
"'cause that's what pushes you forwards,"
Avenue 5
"-in the direction you wanna go. -(COUNTDOWN CONTINUES)"
Avenue 5
"You've gotta... shit out of the back of the ship."
Avenue 5
"This is basic shitting!"
Avenue 5
"Even babies know that, Karen. They shit out the back"
Avenue 5
"-pretty consistently. -Right."
Avenue 5
"Karen, babies shit from the back!"
Avenue 5
"I've seen babies do that. They do it in diapers!"
Avenue 5
"Right, does no one teach physics in America?"
Avenue 5
"-Somebody explain it properly! -Cyrus. Cyrus, get on it."
Avenue 5
"If you push on the left, if you push on the left..."
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"-Then you p-- -...you push-- you change..."
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"-Oh my god. -She gets it now."
Avenue 5
"You have knocked us off course."
Avenue 5
"I feel like I'm dying and my teeth are falling out."
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"-On our new trajectory... -I don't wanna hear this."
Avenue 5
"CYRUS: ...the soonest we could even attempt"
Avenue 5
"a rescue from Earth..."
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"-eight years. -(SOBS)"
Avenue 5
"(ALL SCREAM)"
Avenue 5
"JUDD: (WAILING) Iris!"
Avenue 5
"Get that door, Doug!"
Avenue 5
"No! No, you can't-- Don't-- You can't--"
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"-(MIA YELLING) -RYAN: Leave it!"
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"The door is closed."
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"Yeah, I like to have it like that when we go to space."
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"-(JUDD YELLS) -No, no, no!"
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"-Can you unclose it? -No. No, it's on the auto-lock."
Avenue 5
"That's short for automatic lock."
Avenue 5
"Iris!"
Avenue 5
"I'm trapped!"
Avenue 5
"I need you to do something really bad"
Avenue 5
"so that everybody looks at you and not at me, okay?"
Avenue 5
"I feel like I've fallen into nettles naked."
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"Remember when Frank pushed the button?"
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"Yeah! Remember that, right?"
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"Frank pushed the button. What an asshole Frank is."
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"I wonder which will go first, the mind or the body?"
Avenue 5
"(GRUNTING)"
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"My money's on the mind."
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"-(ALL CLAMORING) -JUDD: (AUTOMATED) Detach. Detach."
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"-BILLIE: Get away from the door. -MIA: No!"
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"Too late. It's officially too late!"
Avenue 5
"No!"
Avenue 5
"-Eight years. (CHUCKLES) -JUDD: (AUTOMATED) ...fifteen, fourteen..."
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"-MATT: (YELLING) Eight years! -...thirteen, twelve..."
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"That's longer than the Beatles were together!"
Avenue 5
"-JUDD: (AUTOMATED) ...nine... -That's longer than the Seven Years' War!"
Avenue 5
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