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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes Outside! (S01E01)

Merry Christmas, sisters.

"Merry Christmas, sisters."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Just beautiful, Sister Kimmy.

"Just beautiful, Sister Kimmy."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Now, which one of you guys have been chosen

"Now, which one of you guys have been chosen"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

as my Secret Santa?

"as my Secret Santa?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We can't not tell, Sister Kimmy.

"We can't not tell, Sister Kimmy."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Then 'twouldn't be a secret. Duh.

"Then 'twouldn't be a secret. Duh."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Apocalypse, apocalypse

"Apocalypse, apocalypse"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We caused it with our dumbness

"We caused it with our dumbness"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, no. Oh, no! Fire monsters!

"Oh, no. Oh, no! Fire monsters!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Let's go! Let's go!

"Let's go! Let's go!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- Move, move, move! - We found them!

"- Move, move, move! - We found them!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Kimmy, I think we counted wrong.

"Kimmy, I think we counted wrong."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- It's not Christmas. - But it's here.

"- It's not Christmas. - But it's here."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

It's all still here.

"It's all still here."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

A miracle today in Durnsville, Indiana.

"A miracle today in Durnsville, Indiana."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Four women rescued from an underground apocalypse cult

"Four women rescued from an underground apocalypse cult"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

allegedly run by self...

"allegedly run by self..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Proclaimed messiah Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne,

"Proclaimed messiah Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

best known to Yelp users in this area...

"best known to Yelp users in this area..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

As Durnsville's worst wedding DJ.

"As Durnsville's worst wedding DJ."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I am now joined by a neighbor

"I am now joined by a neighbor"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

who watched all the drama unfold,

"who watched all the drama unfold,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Walter Bankston. Mr. Bankston?

"Walter Bankston. Mr. Bankston?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, yeah, what had happened was...

"Oh, yeah, what had happened was..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I was outside

"I was outside"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Cutting up bike tires for my grandson

"Cutting up bike tires for my grandson"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

When out of nowhere

"When out of nowhere"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Came bookin'

"Came bookin'"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Came bookin'

"Came bookin'"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

They ran bustin' up

"They ran bustin' up"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In that weird old white dude's house

"In that weird old white dude's house"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

He had a cult up in there

"He had a cult up in there"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

White dudes hold the record for creepy crimes

"White dudes hold the record for creepy crimes"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But females are strong as hell

"But females are strong as hell"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Unbreakable they alive, damn it

"Unbreakable they alive, damn it"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

It's a miracle Unbreakable

"It's a miracle Unbreakable"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

They alive, damn it

"They alive, damn it"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But females are strong as hell

"But females are strong as hell"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

They are the subjects of that viral video.

"They are the subjects of that viral video."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And joining me now for their first exclusive interview,

"And joining me now for their first exclusive interview,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

the Indiana Mole Women. Ladies, welcome.

"the Indiana Mole Women. Ladies, welcome."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- Thank you. - Thank you, Bryant.

"- Thank you. - Thank you, Bryant."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

For years, you were told

"For years, you were told"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne

"by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

that the world had ended.

"that the world had ended."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, Reverend Richard told us

"Yes, Reverend Richard told us"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

that there had been a nuclear apocalypse

"that there had been a nuclear apocalypse"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and that the Earth was scorched

"and that the Earth was scorched"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and there were lakes of fire and stuff.

"and there were lakes of fire and stuff."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Cyndee, you were the first young woman

"Cyndee, you were the first young woman"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

forced into this cult.

"forced into this cult."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, I had waited on Reverend Richard

"Yes, I had waited on Reverend Richard"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

a bunch of times

"a bunch of times"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

at a York Steak House I worked at,

"at a York Steak House I worked at,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and one night he invited me out to his car

"and one night he invited me out to his car"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

to see some baby rabbits.

"to see some baby rabbits."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And I didn't want to be rude, so...

"And I didn't want to be rude, so..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

here we are.

"here we are."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm always amazed at what women will do

"I'm always amazed at what women will do"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

because they're afraid of being rude.

"because they're afraid of being rude."

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- Yeah. - Gretchen.

"- Yeah. - Gretchen."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You joined this cult willingly.

"You joined this cult willingly."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, the Reverend had bought some of my hair on Craigslist,

"Yes, the Reverend had bought some of my hair on Craigslist,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and we started emailing,

"and we started emailing,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and I just thought he had some real good ideas.

"and I just thought he had some real good ideas."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Wow. Donna Maria, you were working

"Wow. Donna Maria, you were working"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

for a company called Happy Maids?

"for a company called Happy Maids?"

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You were lured into the reverend's house.

"You were lured into the reverend's house."

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You thought this was a job.

"You thought this was a job."

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Si, Happy Maids.

"Si, Happy Maids."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

15 years living with these other women,

"15 years living with these other women,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and yet you still never learned to speak English.

"and yet you still never learned to speak English."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ladies, you've been given

"Ladies, you've been given"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

an amazing second chance at life.

"an amazing second chance at life."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

People have donated thousands of dollars

"People have donated thousands of dollars"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

to the Mole Women fund.

"to the Mole Women fund."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And we are so grateful.

"And we are so grateful."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But, honestly, we don't love that name.

"But, honestly, we don't love that name."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

So, Mole Women, what happens next?

"So, Mole Women, what happens next?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

What do you do now?

"What do you do now?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Probably just go back to Durnsville,

"Probably just go back to Durnsville,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

get my braces off.

"get my braces off."

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Indiana. Happy Maids.

"Indiana. Happy Maids."

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I go with you now, yes? I'm married to you?

"I go with you now, yes? I'm married to you?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

No, no, no, no. No, Gretchen, no.

"No, no, no, no. No, Gretchen, no."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Kimmy, what about you?

"Kimmy, what about you?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Kimmy?

"Kimmy?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Okay, when we come back, fall salad mistakes.

"Okay, when we come back, fall salad mistakes."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Plus one of the Mole Women gets an ambush makeover.

"Plus one of the Mole Women gets an ambush makeover."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Thank you, victims. Thank you.

"Thank you, victims. Thank you."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Good luck. Thank you, victims.

"Good luck. Thank you, victims."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Thank you, victims.

"Thank you, victims."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Stop! Pull over, please.

"Stop! Pull over, please."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Kimmy, what are you doing?

"Kimmy, what are you doing?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- I'm not going back. - What?

"- I'm not going back. - What?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm staying here. Kimmy, that's crazy.

"I'm staying here. Kimmy, that's crazy."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You have a middle school education!

"You have a middle school education!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You won't make it here!

"You won't make it here!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

It's like Reverend Richard always says.

"It's like Reverend Richard always says."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- We're just garbage, Kimmy. - That's not true!

"- We're just garbage, Kimmy. - That's not true!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We're not garbage. We're human beings.

"We're not garbage. We're human beings."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I have to get my life back.

"I have to get my life back."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Everybody in Durnsville

"Everybody in Durnsville"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

is always gonna look at me like I'm a victim,

"is always gonna look at me like I'm a victim,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and that's not what I am.

"and that's not what I am."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Well, if you're really gonna do this...

"Well, if you're really gonna do this..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Take some of my Mole Fund money.

"Take some of my Mole Fund money."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I mean, a pop here is, like, $5.

"I mean, a pop here is, like, $5."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Also, I'm your Secret Santa.

"Also, I'm your Secret Santa."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Adios.

"Adios."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We're running! Outside!

"We're running! Outside!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ooh!

"Ooh!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Whee!

"Whee!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm gonna go all the way around!

"I'm gonna go all the way around!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, my God, she did it!

"Oh, my God, she did it!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm having candy for dinner.

"I'm having candy for dinner."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You deserve to be free.

"You deserve to be free."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Apartments, hmm.

"Apartments, hmm."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Hey. I saw you steal this.

"Hey. I saw you steal this."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Where is your grown-up? Are you alone?

"Where is your grown-up? Are you alone?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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