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Clips from Weeds - Roy Till Called (S03E03)

"like Advanced Nutrients' Connoisseur?"
Weeds
"- That's right. - Ha!"
Weeds
"Ha, my ass, you plant killing motherfucker."
Weeds
"You should have got it right the first time. Pay attention."
Weeds
"No one is going to take care of you in life, Silas."
Weeds
"Learn and grow."
Weeds
"Move!"
Weeds
"Save those plants! That's money out of my pocket!"
Weeds
"Oh, shit, that reminds me."
Weeds
"It's from my mom. She wants more stuff."
Weeds
"Yo, it just slipped your mind that there's thousands of dollars"
Weeds
"in your fucking backpack? Jesus."
Weeds
"Oh, damn. I also forgot there's a diamond up my ass."
Weeds
"- You want it? - You know what?"
Weeds
"Take care of my plants before you find a foot up there."
Weeds
"- Tell your mom I said hi. - Yeah."
Weeds
"Hey. Tell her, all right?"
Weeds
"Sure."
Weeds
"Let me get this straight."
Weeds
"You say we're going to the Apple Store, but instead, you bring me here"
Weeds
"and force me to play with Peter's asshole son"
Weeds
"so you can hang out with his ex-wife?"
Weeds
"Do I have this right?"
Weeds
"- Er, yeah. - So not cool."
Weeds
"I'm not proud."
Weeds
"You owe me."
Weeds
"It might be fun."
Weeds
"Fine. Debt owed. Let's go."
Weeds
"- You think that's funny, dickbag? - That's not even a word, dildock."
Weeds
"- I'm not sure this was such a good idea. - They'll be fine."
Weeds
"Er, blue raspberry or cherry?"
Weeds
"- Cherry. - Wait a minute."
Weeds
"Think you owe me some money."
Weeds
"Oh, how much?"
Weeds
"$119,000."
Weeds
"- I was gonna tell you. - You married him?"
Weeds
"Married. Did that just slip your mind?"
Weeds
"- How do you fit that into a conversation? - "Guess what, Val?"
Weeds
""Before you go down to the DEA's office and make an ass of yourself,"
Weeds
""let me tell you Peter and I were married.""
Weeds
"- There. Pretty simple. - It was a drunken weekend."
Weeds
"Completely stupid, only-on-nine-cosmos kind of thing."
Weeds
"- I thought we were friends. - We are."
Weeds
"Well, then, how about the fucking money?"
Weeds
"I didn't even know I was getting any money."
Weeds
"Yeah, well, you got it. So give it to me. That's Tim's money."
Weeds
"I don't want the money. I'm giving you the money."
Weeds
"Look. Here. Take it."
Weeds
"Just putt, asshole."
Weeds
"It's made out to you."
Weeds
"I'll endorse it over."
Weeds
"You can't endorse a $119,000 cheque. I'm not stupid."
Weeds
"Let's go to the bank."
Weeds
"It's Sunday. Banks are closed."
Weeds
"Then we'll deposit it tomorrow."
Weeds
"I'll transfer it over, and you can declare it a gift."
Weeds
"It's not a gift."
Weeds
"I lived with that asshole for 11 years. I earned that."
Weeds
"OK. Bad choice of words. It's your money."
Weeds
"Give me a break already."
Weeds
"- You were gonna tell me? - Sure, eventually."
Weeds
"Putt now or die!"
Weeds
"- Yes! Hole-in-one. - Your son is annoying."
Weeds
"Oh, glass-house-dwelling person."
Weeds
"You're right. I'm putting down the stone."
Weeds
"- You want the Slushie now? - That's OK."
Weeds
"Come on. The ugly, confronty part of the day is over. We're free to have treats now."
Weeds
"Why did you have to assume the worst?"
Weeds
"I'm used to getting fucked."
Weeds
"Oh, get over it. Neither of us is getting fucked."
Weeds
"Poor us."
Weeds
"No shit."
Weeds
"Jeez, you ever hear of a phone?"
Weeds
"Dana took the charger. I need $100,000."
Weeds
"Majestic is checking the books tomorrow."
Weeds
"I bought 10 more bricks."
Weeds
""Putting it back in the business"? You remember?"
Weeds
"Oh, God. Me in prison."
Weeds
"I'm way too long for those beds."
Weeds
"And the food. There is no sushi in prison."
Weeds
"- Unless you count dick. - OK, listen."
Weeds
"Why do you need $100,000 if we only took $50,000 for the initial buy?"
Weeds
"- Did we take more than $50,000? - We took $50,000."
Weeds
"It was only a matter of time before we doubled up"
Weeds
"so I took another $50,000 for my divorce lawyer and got laser eye surgery."
Weeds
"Recovered in a day. Fucking miracle."
Weeds
"Now I can read the tiny print they use for warning labels on pills."
Weeds
"Big pharma fucks us coming and going, Nance, and I'm going to prison."
Weeds
"I'm going to prison, while big pharma roams free. There is no justice."
Weeds
"Are you on some big pharma right now?"
Weeds
"If I go to jail, will you come with me? I cannot do it alone."
Weeds
"Oh, you're not gonna go to jail, Doug. I might have access to some money."
Weeds
"Have you been hoarding money from your accountant? That is not cool."
Weeds
"Doug, go upstairs, take a bath."
Weeds
"I suggest you try the bath bomb."
Weeds
"The carbonation's delightful. All right? We'll figure this out."
Weeds
"- She never lets me use the tub, lucky. - I'm going to jail."
Weeds
"You're not going to jail, Doug."
Weeds
"I'm gonna have all kinds of cock shoved up my ass."
Weeds
"I need to say something out loud."
Weeds
"I killed Peter."
Weeds
"Did you hear what I said?"
Weeds
"Yeah, I heard you. You killed Peter."
Weeds
"We all knew that U-Turn story was bullshit."
Weeds
"I guessed poison. Was I right?"
Weeds
"Silas thought you smothered him in his sleep."
Weeds
"Shane had some wild theory about you and a samurai."
Weeds
"My whole family thinks I'm a killer."
Weeds
"- You just said you killed him. - I didn't actually kill him or have him killed."
Weeds
"I'm saying that if he never met me, he'd still be alive."
Weeds
"Listen,"
Weeds
"I taught Stephanie Cooper how to give head."
Weeds
"She died when a guy she was blowing"
Weeds
"drove into a swamp. Doesn't mean I killed her."
Weeds
"It means I was a great teacher."
Weeds
"And he was a bad driver."
Weeds
"And the alligators were hungry."
Weeds
"I got Peter's life insurance and pension money."
Weeds
"- Jackpot. - No."
Weeds
"I promised it to Valerie and to Doug."
Weeds
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