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Clips from Cheers - Show Down: Part 1 (S01E01)

Sam, let me have the TV control.

"Sam, let me have the TV control."

Cheers

- What are you gonna watch? - Something extraordinary on TV.

"- What are you gonna watch? - Something extraordinary on TV."

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- What's up. Game on? - What is it, the Bruins?

"- What's up. Game on? - What is it, the Bruins?"

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l think the lady singing the anthem is loaded.

"l think the lady singing the anthem is loaded."

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Diane, what the hell is this?

"Diane, what the hell is this?"

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Wagner's ''Ring of the Nibelungs'', the complete cycle.

"Wagner's ''Ring of the Nibelungs'', the complete cycle."

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''Das Rheingold'', ''Die Walküre'',

"''Das Rheingold'', ''Die Walküre'',"

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''Siegfried'' and finally ''Götterdämmerung''.

"''Siegfried'' and finally ''Götterdämmerung''."

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l hope they don't use that canned laughter.

"l hope they don't use that canned laughter."

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lt's not comedy. This is opera. l'll explain as we proceed.

"lt's not comedy. This is opera. l'll explain as we proceed."

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This is the story of a golden ring with magical powers

"This is the story of a golden ring with magical powers"

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that curses anyone who owns it.

"that curses anyone who owns it."

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Wait. They had that same story on Scooby Doo Saturday morning.

"Wait. They had that same story on Scooby Doo Saturday morning."

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But the dog sang a little better than that.

"But the dog sang a little better than that."

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Come on, you guys. Give it a chance.

"Come on, you guys. Give it a chance."

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The first three hours are...

"The first three hours are..."

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l put up with your sporting events.

"l put up with your sporting events."

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lt's time that you return the favour.

"lt's time that you return the favour."

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After ten minutes, if you aren't totally mesmerised by its beauty,

"After ten minutes, if you aren't totally mesmerised by its beauty,"

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- l will turn it off. - Ten minutes?

"- l will turn it off. - Ten minutes?"

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Very funny.

"Very funny."

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Culture's wasted on you. Oxygen is wasted on you.

"Culture's wasted on you. Oxygen is wasted on you."

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That was not a very nice thing to do to Diane.

"That was not a very nice thing to do to Diane."

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- Sam's got a point there. - She has watched a lot of sports.

"- Sam's got a point there. - She has watched a lot of sports."

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Let's give it another shot.

"Let's give it another shot."

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Coach, l'm gonna be in the back checking the wine.

"Coach, l'm gonna be in the back checking the wine."

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OK, Sam.

"OK, Sam."

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Would you like to join me? lt's quiet, empty, dimly lit.

"Would you like to join me? lt's quiet, empty, dimly lit."

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Much like your mind.

"Much like your mind."

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So, what do you say?

"So, what do you say?"

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Sam, you talk a lot about our having a dalliance,

"Sam, you talk a lot about our having a dalliance,"

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but l've always been told that barking dogs don't bite.

"but l've always been told that barking dogs don't bite."

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Biting. ls that what you're into?

"Biting. ls that what you're into?"

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Do you know what bothers me? There are women upon whom this works,

"Do you know what bothers me? There are women upon whom this works,"

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and they're allowed to vote and drive cars.

"and they're allowed to vote and drive cars."

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So, what do you say?

"So, what do you say?"

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Fred and Ginger are taking a break,

"Fred and Ginger are taking a break,"

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but they'll be back to nauseate you later on.

"but they'll be back to nauseate you later on."

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Eddie, it's been nice talking to you.

"Eddie, it's been nice talking to you."

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By the way, did l tell you that my wife passed away some time ago?

"By the way, did l tell you that my wife passed away some time ago?"

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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Thanks. l really appreciate that. ls your wife dead yet, Ed?

"Thanks. l really appreciate that. ls your wife dead yet, Ed?"

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That's good. l wanna thank you for thinking about me,

"That's good. l wanna thank you for thinking about me,"

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and l'll get back to you.

"and l'll get back to you."

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So long, pal.

"So long, pal."

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What is it?

"What is it?"

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Pal of mine, Eddie Fuentes, manages in the Winter Leagues in Venezuela.

"Pal of mine, Eddie Fuentes, manages in the Winter Leagues in Venezuela."

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He says if l can learn Spanish, he might have a job for me, coaching.

"He says if l can learn Spanish, he might have a job for me, coaching."

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You mean you're gonna return to coaching?

"You mean you're gonna return to coaching?"

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Yeah, baseball's so much simpler than life.

"Yeah, baseball's so much simpler than life."

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ln baseball l always know where l'm at.

"ln baseball l always know where l'm at."

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We're up, l'm in the coach's box. They're up, l'm in the dugout.

"We're up, l'm in the coach's box. They're up, l'm in the dugout."

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The game is over, l hit the head, get a cheeseburger.

"The game is over, l hit the head, get a cheeseburger."

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- Sounds like a great life. - lt's terrific.

"- Sounds like a great life. - lt's terrific."

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You know any Spanish, Coach?

"You know any Spanish, Coach?"

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l took some courses for a couple of days just to learn a few phrases.

"l took some courses for a couple of days just to learn a few phrases."

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Like what?

"Like what?"

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Like, ''How tall is my dentist?'' and ''ls that really your sister?''

"Like, ''How tall is my dentist?'' and ''ls that really your sister?''"

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Just enough to get by.

"Just enough to get by."

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- You're gonna do fine, Coach. - Thanks, Cliff.

"- You're gonna do fine, Coach. - Thanks, Cliff."

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lnteresting.

"lnteresting."

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That was Sam's brother. He's on his way over.

"That was Sam's brother. He's on his way over."

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- Brother? Didn't know he had one. - Me either.

"- Brother? Didn't know he had one. - Me either."

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- He didn't tell any of you? - Coach?

"- He didn't tell any of you? - Coach?"

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Si?

"Si?"

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- Did you know Sam has a brother? - Of course l know he had a brother.

"- Did you know Sam has a brother? - Of course l know he had a brother."

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- He hates him. - Why does he hate him?

"- He hates him. - Why does he hate him?"

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He was cruel to him. When Sam was a kid, he'd shove his head underwater.

"He was cruel to him. When Sam was a kid, he'd shove his head underwater."

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Wait a minute. That was my brother.

"Wait a minute. That was my brother."

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Come to think of it, that was my head.

"Come to think of it, that was my head."

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Don't Sam and his brother spend any time together?

"Don't Sam and his brother spend any time together?"

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They get together whenever he's in town, but he's never been to Cheers.

"They get together whenever he's in town, but he's never been to Cheers."

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He's coming now, and someone has to tell Sam.

"He's coming now, and someone has to tell Sam."

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Let me do it. l'm a smoothie about breaking bad news.

"Let me do it. l'm a smoothie about breaking bad news."

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- Your apartment burned down. - My God. Really?

"- Your apartment burned down. - My God. Really?"

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No. Your brother's on his way over. Makes you feel better, doesn't it?

"No. Your brother's on his way over. Makes you feel better, doesn't it?"

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- l hate it when you do that. - lt cushions the blow.

"- l hate it when you do that. - lt cushions the blow."

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- My brother's in town? - l took the call.

"- My brother's in town? - l took the call."

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- He was just leaving his hotel. - Good. Did you tell him l was here?

"- He was just leaving his hotel. - Good. Did you tell him l was here?"

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Of course. l had no idea this would be a problem.

"Of course. l had no idea this would be a problem."

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No problem. My brother's coming over. l love my brother.

"No problem. My brother's coming over. l love my brother."

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That's not what l heard.

"That's not what l heard."

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Step in here and let me show you something l've triumphed over.

"Step in here and let me show you something l've triumphed over."

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Don't tell me you've finally mastered the stapler.

"Don't tell me you've finally mastered the stapler."

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Sit down. What they were talking about out there

"Sit down. What they were talking about out there"

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is l used to have this problem with my brother, Derek.

"is l used to have this problem with my brother, Derek."

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lt was kind of... an inferiority complex.

"lt was kind of... an inferiority complex."

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But that was a long time ago, and l conquered it.

"But that was a long time ago, and l conquered it."

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Here it is. This is the guy that used to make me feel like nothing.

"Here it is. This is the guy that used to make me feel like nothing."

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What?

"What?"

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He's very nice-looking. He'd be even better if he had his two front teeth.

"He's very nice-looking. He'd be even better if he had his two front teeth."

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l blacked those out myself.

"l blacked those out myself."

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That was before l got over my problem.

"That was before l got over my problem."

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l didn't go to any psychiatrists. l didn't read any fancy books.

"l didn't go to any psychiatrists. l didn't read any fancy books."

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l just sat myself down and said, ''My brother's no better than l am.''

"l just sat myself down and said, ''My brother's no better than l am.''"

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l'm sure you're right.

"l'm sure you're right."

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- What's he do for a living? - He's an international lawyer.

"- What's he do for a living? - He's an international lawyer."

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lt so happens l come from a very intelligent family.

"lt so happens l come from a very intelligent family."

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l guess Derek does OK for himself.

"l guess Derek does OK for himself."

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He must make 50, 50 grand a year.

"He must make 50, 50 grand a year."

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You're kidding. Those guys make 1 0 times that much.

"You're kidding. Those guys make 1 0 times that much."

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lt's the job. Last year he travelled so much, he had to buy his own plane.

"lt's the job. Last year he travelled so much, he had to buy his own plane."

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What kind of life is that?

"What kind of life is that?"

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The poor wretch.

"The poor wretch."

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Who am l kidding? The guy is better at everything than l am.

"Who am l kidding? The guy is better at everything than l am."

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He's perfect.

"He's perfect."

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Sam. He's maybe a man of some accomplishment,

"Sam. He's maybe a man of some accomplishment,"

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but this all sounds like a younger brother idealising his older sibling.

"but this all sounds like a younger brother idealising his older sibling."

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- You think so? - Sure.

"- You think so? - Sure."

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He's just an ordinary Joe.

"He's just an ordinary Joe."

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Can l keep this?

"Can l keep this?"

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You must have a sense of humour about these things.

"You must have a sense of humour about these things."

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Maybe you're right. lf l looked at it right, it could be funny.

"Maybe you're right. lf l looked at it right, it could be funny."

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- Sure. - One less tooth and a moustache.

"- Sure. - One less tooth and a moustache."

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Sam, nuclear bomb just hit Boston.

"Sam, nuclear bomb just hit Boston."

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Derek's here.

"Derek's here."

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They're catching on.

"They're catching on."

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Listen. Wait. l don't want you to worry about me.

"Listen. Wait. l don't want you to worry about me."

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l'm used to living around Mr Wonderful all my life.

"l'm used to living around Mr Wonderful all my life."

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lt's no big deal. lt's just that when he's in the room, l feel invisible.

"lt's no big deal. lt's just that when he's in the room, l feel invisible."

Cheers

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