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Clips from Click

"But the way my life's been going lately, that ain't such a bad thing."
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"You're looking for a universal remote control?"
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"Yeah. Just one device to do it all for me..."
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"...make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated."
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"I'm not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy."
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"Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you."
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"I'm gonna show you a remote we just got in..."
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"...that's probably the most advanced piece of technology..."
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"...we have in this place."
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"- Sounds sweet. - It is sweet."
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"The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet."
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"I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then."
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"I don't know the O'Doyles..."
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"...but they can bite it hard."
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"Yeah."
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"Come in the back with me."
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"Okay."
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"This is-This is very nice of you."
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"- What's your name, anyways? - Call me Morty."
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"Morty, I'm Michael Newman."
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"Michael Newman."
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"I'm about to rock your world."
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"Okay."
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"I gotta be honest with you. This place looks bigger from the outside."
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"Just kidding."
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"Hey, hey."
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"I think maybe there in the middle?"
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"Sneaky."
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"Where's the box? Does it come with directions?"
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"Not necessary."
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"Just point, click."
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"Eventually, it will program itself."
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"How much is this thing?"
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"Because I ain't exactly Thurston Howell, you know?"
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"Lucky for you, it's not in the bar-code system yet."
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"So I'm gonna have to just give it to you."
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the catch here, man?"
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"Want me to take my shirt off for you? Because I don't play for that team."
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"Hey. Man, get out of here."
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"Why are you doing this, then?"
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"Because good guys need a break every once in a while."
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"Take it."
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"Enjoy."
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"All right."
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"Only one thing you need to know, Michael."
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"This item is nonreturnable."
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"Why would I wanna return something I got for free?"
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"Twinkie. You don't need it. You don't need it, man."
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"You do need a Yodel, though. Okay. Good job."
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"Let's see what you got, mate."
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"Look at me, turning my own TV on. I'm a freaking whiz kid."
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"Residential architecture..."
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"- So I talked to the kids. - Oh, yeah?"
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"They're very understanding about not going camping this weekend."
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"- Great. - They could have a sleepover instead."
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"That's a great idea. Thank you, thank you."
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"Thanks for being so cool about this too."
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"- Can I ask you something? - Yes."
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"After you do all this work and become a big player at your company..."
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"...do you think you're gonna have more time for us..."
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"...or are things just gonna get even more out of control?"
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"Wait. When I get to that place and become a boss..."
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"...a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing I'm gonna do..."
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"...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work."
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"So then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want."
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"You just gotta give me some time."
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"Don't give me that look."
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"I'm just saying, give me some support. All right?"
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"I love you. Go to sleep."
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"- Just think about it, Michael. - Absolutely."
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"And stop with the Yodels."
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"- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds. - Okay."
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"Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude. Everybody's sleeping."
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"You gotta poop again?"
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"Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck, okay?"
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"Will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down?"
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"I guess when you combine..."
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"...mass quantities of cough syrup with Yodels..."
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"...you get acid."
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"Go."
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"Hey, you said you gotta go. Go already, man."
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"Sniffy Longdroppings, today."
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"Holy motherfu-!"
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"Yeah, I mean, you're right. In the short run..."
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"...plastic surgery is a hassle."
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"But six months later..."
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"...I'm gonna have a face and a body..."
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"...that's gonna get me to places where I wanna be."
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"Oh, my mother, typical, you know, she says:"
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""Oh, this procedure is too risky.""
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"If Samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, I think I'd freak out too."
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"I know, but I just think, you know, they're too Slavic."
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"You should get some work done."
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"Then maybe Michael will wanna hang out with you too."
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"Morning, Michael. You're looking very crappy today."
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"Morning, Janine, you're looking very Slavic."
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"You're just jealous because Donna and I are going to the gym..."
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"...and all the guys are gonna be hitting on us."
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"Michael knows he's my one and only."
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"Forever and ever, babe."
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"Sorry about last night. And I love you. I'm s-"
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"Oh, my God. I want that so bad."
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"A husband that I can kiss and love and give juice to."
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"You've already cheated on three different husbands with their brothers."
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"I think you've given enough juice to everybody."
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"Love juice."
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"You know way too much about me."
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"I should never have done that Montel Williams show."
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"Even Montel Williams thinks you're crazy..."
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"...and he's seen a lot of shit."
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"I was desperate for companionship!"
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"All of my husbands..."
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"All of them have emotionally abandoned me."
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"They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers."
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"- You're a horndog. - Michael."
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"- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down. - No, no!"
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"I have had self-esteem issues since I was a kid."
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"I had a rabbit named Pepper. And that rabbit abandoned me too!"
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"Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb-"
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"Don't look at me!"
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