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Clips from Central Park - Hot Oven (S01E01)

"but now he's sleeping on the balcony and peeing on Bitsy's bed."
Central Park
"-And we don't want that? -We don't love it."
Central Park
"Can you tell her it's incurable and we should get rid of the dog?"
Central Park
"Write him out of any wills or living trusts he may or may not be mentioned in?"
Central Park
"It's very rare that I have to recommend a TOSGANO."
Central Park
"-What's a TOSGANO? -That's my little acronym."
Central Park
"-What's it stand for? -"This one sucks, get a new one.""
Central Park
"Well, how much does he have to suck before we can get rid of him?"
Central Park
"You've got a dog But the situation's hairy"
Central Park
"And by that, I mean naughty And it's getting pretty scary"
Central Park
"It don't act like a pet, no This is a TOSGANO"
Central Park
"Let me spell it out for you It's T-O-S-G-A-N-O"
Central Park
"This one sucks Get a new one"
Central Park
"It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much It sucks so friggin' much"
Central Park
"This one sucks Get a new one"
Central Park
"I can't get rid of it fast enough I can't get rid of it fast enough!"
Central Park
"You don't need a license to be a pet therapist, do you?"
Central Park
"No, ma'am."
Central Park
"So, under what circumstances would you recommend a TOSGANO?"
Central Park
"Is it like, is it like If it pees wherever it pleases?"
Central Park
"Won't get a job and watches too much TV?"
Central Park
"-What if it gives you a dumb, blank stare? -Nope."
Central Park
"Or flashes his lipstick out of nowhere?"
Central Park
"That does suck But it's not enough"
Central Park
"For a TOSGANO guarantee An H-A-B is what you need"
Central Park
"-Another acronym? -Yes."
Central Park
"-Which stands for? -"Hazardous Antisocial Behavior.""
Central Park
"Which means..."
Central Park
"Biting. But Shampagne's never bitten anyone, right?"
Central Park
"This therapist's breath is stinkin' Like a dirty dog, but it's got me thinkin'"
Central Park
"There's a plan cooking in my Helen melon That could be fruitful"
Central Park
"How to get rid of that shitzadoodle"
Central Park
"All my dreams will come to pass If I get Shampagne to bite Bitsy's ass"
Central Park
"Oh, my God My puppy's growling at me"
Central Park
"And it's got me yellin' Who's gonna save me? Helen!"
Central Park
"This one sucks Get a new one"
Central Park
"It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much It sucks so friggin' much"
Central Park
"This one sucks Get a new one"
Central Park
"I can't get rid of it fast enough I can't get rid of it fast enough!"
Central Park
"Why are you laughing? Is it because of my job?"
Central Park
"Yes. Let's say yes."
Central Park
"Augustus, thank God you're here. Shampagne's driving me crazy."
Central Park
"I can't deal with it. Not today. There's too much going on."
Central Park
"Never fear, Augustus is here."
Central Park
"Your doggy troubles will be in the rear... view mirror. Sorry."
Central Park
"What's going on on the human side of the couch?"
Central Park
"-You look ill. Are you very ill? -No! I'm in the best shape of my life."
Central Park
"The problem is Shampagne is peeing on my parade."
Central Park
"This was supposed to be a great day."
Central Park
"Today's the day The Manhattan Dispatch published my full-page letter."
Central Park
"You haven't seen it? Show him, Helen."
Central Park
"My dear New Yorkers, do you remember the Central Park that I remember?"
Central Park
"A beautiful, leafy oasis. Now it's an ugly blob of trash and graffiti."
Central Park
"Is it just me or is there more horse poop than usual?"
Central Park
"Where are all those horses coming from?"
Central Park
"Central Park is an old girl like myself, and she needs to be taken care of."
Central Park
"It's time to change its failing management"
Central Park
"before it's so stinky that going there makes you want to vomit."
Central Park
"I don't know about you, but I don't like to vomit."
Central Park
"Let's do something about it, shall we? Yours forever, Bitsy Brandenham."
Central Park
"She called the park "an ugly blob of trash"?"
Central Park
"It isn't an ugly blob of trash."
Central Park
"Yeah. Look who's talking, Bitsy!"
Central Park
"And "failing management"? I work my shorts off for this park, literally."
Central Park
"I've gone through three pairs in the last six months!"
Central Park
"-We need to do something. -You thinking what I'm thinking?"
Central Park
"We got you."
Central Park
"I can't believe you said we should invite Brendan over for dinner."
Central Park
"I don't know teen things. I thought you liked the guy."
Central Park
"I do! It's gonna be a nightmare."
Central Park
"Brendan's gonna come over and see our weird house"
Central Park
"and Dad doing his weird thing and Mom doing her weird thing,"
Central Park
"and it'll be weird, and then he'll break up with me,"
Central Park
"and I'll have to avoid him in the park, which'll be hard,"
Central Park
"because I live in the park with my weird family."
Central Park
"-And your really cool brother. -Wait, I know."
Central Park
"Since this is partly your fault, you're gonna help me out tonight."
Central Park
"-I am? -Yeah."
Central Park
"-That doesn't sound like me. -No, no, it does."
Central Park
"When the conversation gets weird or awkward, I'm gonna give you a signal,"
Central Park
"and you're gonna help me change the subject."
Central Park
"I do like signals."
Central Park
"How about you do a spit take and drop an F-bomb?"
Central Park
"-Maybe something subtler. -Chewbacca sound?"
Central Park
"How about just when I clear my throat?"
Central Park
"Boring. So boring. I'm dying. Chewbacca throat clear?"
Central Park
"-How's that? -I'm in."
Central Park
"-Nice hairy mole. -Thank you."
Central Park
"Your mom and I are declaring war on Bitsy Brandenham's picture."
Central Park
"-Look at this thing she put in the paper. -I can't read it. You drew all over it."
Central Park
"Yeah, 'cause when you mess with us, this is what happens."
Central Park
"You end up with a drawing of a fart cloud coming out of your butt?"
Central Park
"The fart cloud is just the beginning."
Central Park
"Speaking of fart clouds, who beefed in here?"
Central Park
"What? That's just the new yeast for my pizza dough."
Central Park
"Smells like a sweaty armpit and a diaper did hot yoga together."
Central Park
"That's how you know it's the good stuff."
Central Park
"Brendan's gonna be here soon!"
Central Park
"Dad, is the pizza gonna taste like the yeast smells?"
Central Park
"No. I mean, kinda."
Central Park
"Tonight's already going well, I think."
Central Park
"All right, I'm gonna put my apron on,"
Central Park
"and I'm gonna channel all this Bitsy-fueled anger into a delicious pizza."
Central Park
"-I don't think it works that way. -It's gonna work that way today."
Central Park
"Trust me, this pizza's gonna be so full of rage and the best one I've ever made."
Central Park
"And you, remember. Tonight, you're not a reporter. You're just a mom."
Central Park
"-A totally non-curious mom. -Meaning?"
Central Park
"Don't interview Brendan like you're writing a book about him."
Central Park
"Who, what, why, where, and when would I do that?"
Central Park
"Molly, I hear you 100%. I was once a budding young woman who--"
Central Park
"-Don't say "budding." -Okay, blossoming."
Central Park
"Worse! You're killing me. I'm gonna go open windows."
Central Park
"Unrelated to the yeast smell."
Central Park
"It's just a thing that I do so that birds can fly through."
Central Park
"-Cole? I need a favor. -Mother."
Central Park
"If I'm not allowed to ask questions, I will go crazy, because I have questions."
Central Park
"Yeah."
Central Park
"So what I'm gonna need you to do is ask questions for me."
Central Park
"-Absolutely not. -I'll give you five dollars."
Central Park
"Write down everything you want me to ask."
Central Park
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