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Clips from Seinfeld - The Bris (S05E05)

""Hospital receives grant to conduct DNA research."
Seinfeld
"Government funds genetic research at area hospital. " Yeah, so?"
Seinfeld
"Pig-man, baby, pig-man."
Seinfeld
"If I have to hear about this pig-man one more time-"
Seinfeld
"Hey, I'm telling you, the pig-man is alive."
Seinfeld
"The government's been experimenting with pig-men since the '50s."
Seinfeld
"Just because the hospital's conducting DNA research..."
Seinfeld
"...doesn't mean they're creating mutant pig-men."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, will you wake up to reality? It's a military thing."
Seinfeld
"They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you something. I wish there were pig-men."
Seinfeld
"Get a few pig-men walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better."
Seinfeld
"If someone wanted to fix me up, they could say, "At least he's no pig-man.""
Seinfeld
"Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for these pig-men."
Seinfeld
"Whatever the deformity, there's always some group attracted to it."
Seinfeld
""That little tail really turns me on.""
Seinfeld
"That's just about enough."
Seinfeld
"- This doesn't interest you? - Oh, no, it's fascinating..."
Seinfeld
"...but could you do me a favour?"
Seinfeld
"Could you tape..."
Seinfeld
"...the rest of the " pig-men and the women who love them" discussion?"
Seinfeld
"And I'll listen to it the next time I'm here."
Seinfeld
"I gotta go find a mohel."
Seinfeld
"You know, you should call that off, Elaine. It's a barbaric ritual."
Seinfeld
"Perhaps one day when the pig-men roam free, it will be stopped, Kramer."
Seinfeld
"Until then, off with their heads."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer, isn't it a question of hygiene? - It's a myth."
Seinfeld
"Besides, it makes sex more pleasurable."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. So how does that help me?"
Seinfeld
"- George, you ever see one? - Yeah, my roommate in college."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, what'd you think?"
Seinfeld
"I got used to it."
Seinfeld
"All right, I wanna see the pig-man. Show me the pig-man."
Seinfeld
"Don't worry, I'll show you. And you'll never be the same."
Seinfeld
"Maybe he's just a guy with a nose like this:"
Seinfeld
"A lot of people have a nose like this. They're not necessarily pig-men."
Seinfeld
"Believe me, Jerry, somewhere in this hospital..."
Seinfeld
"...the anguished oink of pig-man cries out for help."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, well, if I hear an anguished oink, I'm out of here."
Seinfeld
"I don't see any pig-men."
Seinfeld
"I see human, human, human."
Seinfeld
"- Wait a second. - What?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's George."
Seinfeld
"The administrator's on the third floor. I'll meet you at the car."
Seinfeld
"Wait, George. You got room in the car for the pig-man, huh?"
Seinfeld
"The pig-man can take the bus."
Seinfeld
"George, if the pig-man had a car, he would give you a ride."
Seinfeld
"How do you know? What if the pig-man had a two-seater?"
Seinfeld
"Be realistic, George."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you what, if pig-man shows up, we'll squeeze him in."
Seinfeld
"- I'll see you later. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Mr. Costanza, come in, come in. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"It's been a very trying couple of days around the hospital."
Seinfeld
"Doctors, patients, everyone..."
Seinfeld
"...just grief-stricken over this unfortunate occurrence."
Seinfeld
"Well, I join them in their grief."
Seinfeld
"Horrible thing. Flew right past the children's wing."
Seinfeld
"All the sick children in the playroom, looking out the window..."
Seinfeld
"...just traumatized by the incident."
Seinfeld
"Apparently they thought he was flying. You know how children are."
Seinfeld
""Oh, look, a man is flying. A man is flying!""
Seinfeld
"And then splat."
Seinfeld
"That's where I come in."
Seinfeld
"On "splat.""
Seinfeld
"You see, Mrs. Sweedler- Or is it Hospital Administrator Sweedler?"
Seinfeld
"- Mrs. Sweedler is fine. - Mrs. Sweedler. Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
"You see, this tragedy has affected me in a very..."
Seinfeld
"A very personal way."
Seinfeld
"- How is that? - Yes, well, you see..."
Seinfeld
"...the deceased..."
Seinfeld
"...landed on my car."
Seinfeld
"The splat, as it were, actually occurred on the roof of my car."
Seinfeld
"Now, of course, I can't help but feel that..."
Seinfeld
"...had it been a convertible, this whole tragedy might have been averted."
Seinfeld
"But I've never really been the kind of guy to buy a convertible..."
Seinfeld
"...what with the baldness and everything."
Seinfeld
"Well, I have known bald men who owned convertibles."
Seinfeld
"They wore a hat."
Seinfeld
"Yes, but then everything's all pulled down, and it's- Anyway."
Seinfeld
"The damage, unfortunately..."
Seinfeld
"...has marred an otherwise fine automobile..."
Seinfeld
"...rendering it virtually undrivable."
Seinfeld
"Yes, well, that is a shame."
Seinfeld
"Yes. A shame. That is exactly how I would put it."
Seinfeld
"Now, Mrs. Sweedler, with all due discretion and sensitivity..."
Seinfeld
"...and taking in the whole scope of the situation..."
Seinfeld
"...I just can't help but think..."
Seinfeld
"...that the hospital is somehow responsible for compensating..."
Seinfeld
"...the other still-living victim of this horrendous, horrendous tragedy."
Seinfeld
"- Mr. Costanza. - Yes."
Seinfeld
"A man plummeted tragically to his ultimate demise..."
Seinfeld
"- Yes. - ...and you greedily, callously..."
Seinfeld
"...want to profit from it?"
Seinfeld
"Well, profit..."
Seinfeld
"I think you'll see from the estimate that I'm not really profiting that much."
Seinfeld
"It might be a little high, but..."
Seinfeld
"Get out. Get out now. Get out of my office!"
Seinfeld
"- Should I just leave-? - Get out!"
Seinfeld
"This is it."
Seinfeld
"Wait, excuse me."
Seinfeld
"What happened to the guy that was in there before?"
Seinfeld
"- I don't know what you're talking- - No, you know. He had this:"
Seinfeld
"- He was... - No."
Seinfeld
"This doesn't look familiar to you?"
Seinfeld
"- Sir- - Look, I know what's going on."
Seinfeld
"The oink, oink."
Seinfeld
"Yes, if you'll excuse me, I have some patients-"
Seinfeld
"Listen, you little quack."
Seinfeld
"There was a half man, half pig in that room over there. Now, where is he?"
Seinfeld
"- Where is he?! - Half what?"
Seinfeld
"You know what I mean! Pork. Sausage."
Seinfeld
""That's all, folks.""
Seinfeld
"I think he's been released."
Seinfeld
"Good."
Seinfeld
"- He's lying! - All right, enough of this."
Seinfeld
"- I gotta go find George. - All right, you go ahead."
Seinfeld
"Kramer."
Seinfeld
"- Where's the mohel? - He'll be here."
Seinfeld
"- He's late already. - Relax."
Seinfeld
"You'd think you were getting whacked."
Seinfeld
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