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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Boys' Club (S01E01)

"- Oh! Oh, I like this. This is banter. - That crowd."
Parks and Recreation
"- Banter's fun. - Where'd that come from?"
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"We were just on the computer,"
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"looking at your profile."
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"You know, you have a friend who has a tattoo that says,"
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""Daddy's Girl.""
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"And both words are misspelled."
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"Ooh! Mixing it up with the boys! So..."
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"What are you gonna say? What's your comeback?"
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"Those aren't really my friends anymore."
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"I don't hang out with them."
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"Oh, boo. Brendanawicz, that's some weak sauce. You need to hit harder!"
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"Natalie, it's your sister."
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"Pick me up or I'm gonna draw all over your jeans."
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"Well, it's official, people. We're out of beer."
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"That's the cue. See you later, Leslie."
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"It was nice hanging out, you know, after work hours."
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"- Wait! - I think I'm gonna take off, too."
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"- Yeah, I should go, Leslie. - Wait, you guys!"
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"Let's keep this good feeling going."
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"It's just getting started!"
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"Uh, yeah, 'cause parties usually get started when you run out of booze."
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"Okay, wait. Just hold on a second."
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"I got wine!"
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"Hey!"
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"And cheese!"
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"Hey!"
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"Good morning."
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"Last night, in a foolish attempt to infiltrate a boys' club,"
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"I violated the government employee ethics code of the state of Indiana."
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"I have always tried to live my life in an ethical way, and last night, I failed."
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"I realize I have let down every female public official in America,"
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"and I would like to apologize to them, right now,"
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"individually, and in alphabetical order."
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"Michele Bachmann, Republican, Minnesota. I am sorry."
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"Tammy Baldwin, Democrat, Wisconsin. I'm so sorry, Tammy."
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"Melissa Bean."
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"Okay. Double shift, remember? So I won't see you till tomorrow."
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"- Are you gonna be okay? - Oh, yeah."
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"I got dinner."
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"Oh, God. Honey, can you just clean up a little bit?"
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"I'll try. Don't expect much."
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"Okay. I'll do it when I get home."
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"- You will? - Yes. Yes."
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"Ann is amazing."
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"She takes care of me, she takes care of sick people, sick babies."
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"She is an angel. And I seriously love her."
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"Hard."
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"She's going to be gone for the next 24 hours so I made this list"
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"and basically this place is gonna be like a sparkling palace when she returns."
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"I took a bunch of painkillers."
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"They're about to kick in so I'm ready to go."
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"There it is. Let's clear the air."
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"Last night, I opened up this gift basket, for my own pleasure."
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"Really. Leslie Knope. Usually such a prudish stickler for the rules."
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"I'm not happy about it either, Tom."
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"It's like I don't even know you anymore."
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"Last year you wrote me up for making personal phone calls to my mom."
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"Yes, I did. And I would do it again."
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"Two wrongs do not make a right."
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"Yes, but she was in the hospital."
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"I did not know that at the time."
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"So, can I have the basket?"
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"No, I'm sorry. It's evidence."
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"It's a nice basket."
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"What would you put in there?"
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"I don't know. Potpourri?"
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"That's a lot of potpourri."
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"Hey, I am not the one on trial here."
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"I appreciate and thank you in advance for your unwavering support."
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"I think you should go to jail."
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"Think about what you've done."
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"Go to jail? What's going on?"
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"Ron, I have a very important and very long story to tell you."
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"- Put it in an e-mail? - Nope."
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"It happened right out there, right outside this window."
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"Why can't I look away?"
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"Let's not blow this out of proportion."
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"I will blow this in proportion!"
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"The minimum punishment for this"
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"is an official reprimand from the city manager."
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"It's not that big a deal."
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"Maybe in your world it isn't a big deal."
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"You're a white Protestant man with a full, rich mustache."
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"But I am a woman"
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"and I need to hold myself up to a higher standard."
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"This is ridiculous. You're punishing yourself"
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"more than anybody else is gonna punish you."
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"No. What do you suggest we do?"
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"You think we should cover this up?"
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"No, I'm not saying that. No one said cover-up."
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"Good, because the cover-up is worse than the crime."
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"When you spill something and you try to wipe it up"
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"with something that's dirty,"
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"then you get double dirty."
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"Please don't make this worse."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Good afternoon."
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"Since we last spoke, I have taken extraordinary steps"
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"to make further amends for the mistakes that I have made."
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"I have written a full confession,"
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"which I will be e-mailing to everyone in the entire Pawnee government."
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"I've also attached a link to the pit's web page,"
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"just to remind people of all the good work that I do."
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"I asked Ron to blow the whistle on me, and he refused."
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"And that is why I had to whistle-blow myself."
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"I wish I could say some of this mess was Ann's, but it's all mine."
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"I'm kind of a nester."
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"Huh? Not bad for a guy with two broken legs."
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"Hey."
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"Hey."
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"I'm doing a little experiment tonight to see what will get me drunker."
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"Drinking wine... - Leslie. Come here."
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"See what April put on the pit's web page."
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"Right now, drinking wine is winning..."
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"Oh, my God. What am I looking at?"
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"A video of me drinking some of that wine you stole."
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"What? Why did you do this?"
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"Because I was waiting for my sister and I was bored,"
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"and my hair looked really good."
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