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Clips from That '70s Show (1998) - Mother's Little Helper (S07E07)

"But so what? I hurt girls all the time."
That '70s Show (1998)
"No, not "hurt." Heard.I heard."
That '70s Show (1998)
"- You heard what? - Danielle.I heard danielle."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Why'd she choose you over me? Jeez. It's like talking to a 2 year old here."
That '70s Show (1998)
"She chose fez because he listens when a woman talks instead of staring at her chest."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Stop staring at my chest!"
That '70s Show (1998)
"I'm sorry. Look, I've been screwed by darwinism."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I never needed to evolve listening skills 'cause my looks are so highly developed."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, that's not how evolution works."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Yeah, sure it is. Look,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"say I had to catch my own food, right? But I only ate really fast animals."
That '70s Show (1998)
"My feet would eventually evolve into rockets."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding."
That '70s Show (1998)
"All right, fez,come on. I need your help."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Why should I help you?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"B-because you owe me."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Think about all the times that I set you up with my dates' less-pretty friends."
That '70s Show (1998)
"That's true. You have thrown me some uggos."
That '70s Show (1998)
"All right, so show a little appreciation."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Fine."
That '70s Show (1998)
"But you have to promise not to use what I teach you on danielle to get her back."
That '70s Show (1998)
"- She's mine. - Done."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Okay, donna, I need your help."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Now sit here and pretend to be a girl."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Now tell a girlie story. Kelso,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"you listen and repeat back whatever she says."
That '70s Show (1998)
"- Okay, you ready? - Yeah."
That '70s Show (1998)
"kelso, I had the worst day."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I didn't know what shoes to wear-- with a heel, without a heel..."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I'm running out of firecrackers."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I bet I could a been best friends with spider-man."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Is that a new muscle?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Well, hello, new muscle. Welcome to kelso town."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Kelso."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Kelso!"
That '70s Show (1998)
"What?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"You weren't even listening."
That '70s Show (1998)
"How do you know?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"'Cause you were staring at the ceiling with your tongue hanging out."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Kelso, when a woman talks,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"you have to look her in the eyes and pretend her words are like oxygen and without them,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"you can't breathe."
That '70s Show (1998)
"But I don't care what she says."
That '70s Show (1998)
"How the heck did you ever get a girl?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"I don't know. I just stare at her until she stops talking, then I kiss her."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Unbelievable."
That '70s Show (1998)
"All right, kitty."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I want you to be happy,I really do."
That '70s Show (1998)
"And to make that beautiful, illusive dream come true,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"I'm willing to try page 46."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Really?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, red, thank you."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Page 46-- that is so fancy."
That '70s Show (1998)
"what?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, dear god, no! Not, uh,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"not page 46. I meant page 47. Page 47."
That '70s Show (1998)
"And no funny stuff after I fall asleep."
That '70s Show (1998)
"And I didn't know what to do because I had just polished my nails and I didn't wanna"
That '70s Show (1998)
"mess up my manicure."
That '70s Show (1998)
"You're such a good listener. I can't take it anymore."
That '70s Show (1998)
"What are you doing? Get off my lady!"
That '70s Show (1998)
"- Fez! - You shut your hot little mouth."
That '70s Show (1998)
"You promised you wouldn't use anything I taught you on danielle."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Come on, you can't give me a gun and expect me not to shoot people with it."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Danielle, you have to choose. Him or me?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"- But I-- - I said choose, woman!"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Well, fez, if I have to choose between the two of you, I mean, the choice is obvious."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I choose you, fez."
That '70s Show (1998)
"What are you, stupid?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"I mean, I mean, of course. Yes, good choice. Yes."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Wait. Him? How can you choose him?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"I don't know. I guess I have this thing for guys who boss me around."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I'll meet you in the car, or wherever you tell me to meet you."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, you'll meet me in the car,and you'll like it."
That '70s Show (1998)
"I will."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Okay,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"here's the thing, fez..."
That '70s Show (1998)
"she's clearly a lunatic,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"which means that she'sgonna be super hot in bed, so congratulations on that one."
That '70s Show (1998)
"But you did snake her from me. So I get a free punch."
That '70s Show (1998)
"But you did snake her back, so..."
That '70s Show (1998)
"How do guys play fight without getting into a real fight?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Well, maybe'cause when they fight, michael doesn't elbow everything like a blonde tard-O."
That '70s Show (1998)
"See? Now that is gonna get your ass kicked."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, I'm gonna punch you in your fat melon head."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Good luck reaching it, tiny loser."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Thanks, tommy."
That '70s Show (1998)
"Is that bacon I smell?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, what a perfect morning."
That '70s Show (1998)
"- Marco! - Polo!"
That '70s Show (1998)
"Oh, my god!"
That '70s Show (1998)