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Clips from Russian Doll - The Way Out (S01E01)

"but, uh, my past self..."
Russian Doll
"the little girl that I used to be..."
Russian Doll
"literally..."
Russian Doll
"keeps showing up."
Russian Doll
"Is she here right now?"
Russian Doll
"No."
Russian Doll
"But every time I see her, we die."
Russian Doll
"I think that maybe she's..."
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"lost."
Russian Doll
"Trapped somewhere between the past and present."
Russian Doll
"That little girl lives..."
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"She lives at a time that things with my mom were not..."
Russian Doll
"not good."
Russian Doll
"Uh... [sighs]"
Russian Doll
"Ah..."
Russian Doll
"I did something unforgivable that year."
Russian Doll
"Well, then we should make it right."
Russian Doll
"That could be the answer."
Russian Doll
"I don't know how to do that because my mom is dead."
Russian Doll
"[Alan sighs] I-I do."
Russian Doll
"I do."
Russian Doll
"What? Okay, where are you going?"
Russian Doll
"You can't leave."
Russian Doll
"What is with the helmet?"
Russian Doll
"Nadia, I can't leave Beatrice here and let her disappear without making things right."
Russian Doll
"And you should do the same."
Russian Doll
"Whatever that means for you."
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"No."
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"Stay with me."
Russian Doll
"Fuck you!"
Russian Doll
"That might be the last thing you ever say to me."
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"Seriously."
Russian Doll
"This time, we might die and not come back."
Russian Doll
"Maybe I'll kill myself just to fuck you over."
Russian Doll
"Well, that's what I did, and look where it got us."
Russian Doll
"You are the most selfish person I have ever met."
Russian Doll
"Thank you for changing my life."
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"Lives are hard to change."
Russian Doll
"[door opens, closes]"
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"You're alive. I called you like 50 times last night."
Russian Doll
"Come in."
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"[Beatrice sighs]"
Russian Doll
"Are you okay?"
Russian Doll
"Yes, I am, under the circumstances."
Russian Doll
"Why are you wearing a helmet?"
Russian Doll
"Bea, we need to talk."
Russian Doll
"Okay."
Russian Doll
"[Ruth] Nadia."
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"I did something terrible, Ruth."
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"You couldn't return the coat."
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"No, I abandoned mom."
Russian Doll
"[sighs]"
Russian Doll
"Lock the door behind you. There's somebody in the neighborhood."
Russian Doll
"I locked the door."
Russian Doll
"What's going on, baby?"
Russian Doll
"I love you."
Russian Doll
"I mean that in the truest sense. And I know-- I know about Mike."
Russian Doll
"I know how it started and why. I want you to be..."
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"Just be whoever you are."
Russian Doll
"I didn't know how to tell you."
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"You did."
Russian Doll
"You did tell me. I just didn't listen."
Russian Doll
"You told me every time I asked you what was wrong, and you said, "Nothing.""
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"Every time I touched you, you gently pulled away."
Russian Doll
"No matter how much we think we're fooling people, our bodies..."
Russian Doll
"they can't keep lying the way that our minds can."
Russian Doll
"Yeah."
Russian Doll
"[Alan] Mine stopped lying a long time ago."
Russian Doll
"For years, I've just been..."
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"I've just been hollow. [sniffs]"
Russian Doll
"[sighs]"
Russian Doll
"You know, I thought if I-- if I... [sniffs]"
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"if I worked hard enough, if I-- if I..."
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"[inhales]"
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"kept putting the time in,"
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"and if I kept my head down, you know, did everything right, I..."
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"this aching, gnawing feeling of being an absolute failure"
Russian Doll
"would just-- would just go away."
Russian Doll
"I know."
Russian Doll
"[Alan sniffs]"
Russian Doll
"And now I'm stuck with a body that is broken"
Russian Doll
"and in a world that is..."
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"[chuckles]"
Russian Doll
"is literally falling apart."
Russian Doll
"And a mind that..."
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"A mind that wants to kill me."
Russian Doll
"You got help, right?"
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"[Alan] I did."
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"I-- I let somebody help me."
Russian Doll
"Who?"
Russian Doll
"I just want to tell you..."
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"before this whole thing is over..."
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"um..."
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"I killed her."
Russian Doll
"I took the easy way out."
Russian Doll
"What easy way out?"
Russian Doll
"I told the social worker that I wanted to live with you"
Russian Doll
"and not with her,"
Russian Doll
"and then she was fucking dead within a year."
Russian Doll
"You've got it all wrong."
Russian Doll
"You said you wanted to live with your mom just like she told you to,"
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"but that just couldn't happen."
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"No one was gonna let that continue."
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"I don't think it matters."
Russian Doll
"[Ruth] What are you talking about?"
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"Whatever I said, I wanted to live with you."
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"[Ruth] Listen to me."
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"You were this..."
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"tiny seed buried in darkness fighting your way to the light."
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"You wanted to live."
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"It's the most beautiful thing in the world."
Russian Doll
"Do you still have that in you?"
Russian Doll
"Oh."
Russian Doll
"Nadia..."
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"I look at you now..."
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"chasing down death at every corner and..."
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"sweetheart..."
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"where is that gorgeous piece of you"
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"pushing to be a part of this world?"
Russian Doll
"I'm gonna make you some tea."
Russian Doll
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