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Clips from Archer - Sitting (S06E06)

"No, no, and the very fact that I told you"
Archer
"that's what I'm doing, I mean that was"
Archer
"- clearly misdirection, right? - Okay."
Archer
"Plus, I doubt you'll be talking very much"
Archer
"after I shoot you in the face."
Archer
"Take it easy, I..."
Archer
"Shit! I don't have a will!"
Archer
"- I'm a notary! - Wha...?"
Archer
"What the shit, Manny?"
Archer
"Pam! Baby!"
Archer
"What the heck's going on in..."
Archer
"- Well, ya don't see that everyday. - I didn't even see it today..."
Archer
"Wait, wait, wait, wait!"
Archer
"So, here's the thing, Farooq."
Archer
"I don't know about any stories,"
Archer
"but whatever badass shit that you heard I did,"
Archer
"you really need some context, because"
Archer
"pretty much my whole life, pretty much right up until"
Archer
"this minute, my default setting has been "half-ass.""
Archer
"But that was before I had a child, a child you threatened to harm."
Archer
"A child, I just realized, who's probably on her way up"
Archer
"to the roof so Aunt Pam can swat at biplanes."
Archer
"Wait, what the hell am I doing?"
Archer
"The roof's the first place they'll look."
Archer
"So imagine, as I literally beat you to death..."
Archer
"Hang on. Yeah, literally, that a giant hand has turned my dial"
Archer
"from "half-ass" to "quadruple-ass.""
Archer
"- Wow. That is a lot of ass. - Yeah, basically eight times the ass."
Archer
"Can I just say one thing, before we get into all"
Archer
"- the beating to death? - What?"
Archer
"I still have a gun?"
Archer
"Oh, right."
Archer
"Well? What's going on in there?"
Archer
"Okay, so... that lesbian au pair has a gun."
Archer
"I think she's robbing Mr. Archer."
Archer
"- Wait, what? - What au pair?"
Archer
"- The black Mexican. - Oh for... So what should we do?"
Archer
"Nothing! Until we consult the ouija."
Archer
"God I love poker night."
Archer
"So, before you shoot me, can I just say one thing?"
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"What the shit, Cyril?"
Archer
"Really?"
Archer
"Take cover! C'mon, Cyril."
Archer
"There's other desks."
Archer
"- This one's good. - Ow. Damn it!"
Archer
"This is exactly how Brett died."
Archer
"Man, I wish he was still with us."
Archer
"He could soak up some of these bullets."
Archer
"God, finally. Okay, that's eight rounds,"
Archer
"including the one in my shoulder, so he's..."
Archer
"- Reloading! - God dammit."
Archer
"Oh! Ray, gun."
Archer
"- It's in a time-lock safe. - What? Why?"
Archer
"Because Cheryl."
Archer
"I'm calling for backup!"
Archer
"Yeh Farukh hain. Jaldi karo, muhje madad chaiye"
Archer
"- What'd he say? - Well, my Urdu isn't as strong as I thought."
Archer
"Aur kya?! Bakri-chowd sewer jinn!"
Archer
"Meh. But I'm gonna assume he just called for backup."
Archer
"So we gotta get to the armory."
Archer
"- It's empty. - It's... What do you mean, it's empty?"
Archer
"- When we got shut down, that guy... - Kevin. Kyle?"
Archer
"Keith? Kenny? Kieran."
Archer
"- Rodney? - Rodney! Why was I thinking Kev..."
Archer
"He stole everything!"
Archer
"He set himself up in Europe as some kind of arms dealer."
Archer
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you mistake my hospitality"
Archer
"for weakness. The price is the price."
Archer
"If you wish to negotiate, you may do so with my associates."
Archer
"And apparently he's doing quite well."
Archer
"Reloading!"
Archer
"Remind me, if this asshole doesn't kill all of you,"
Archer
"- to do it for him. - Uh, no."
Archer
"- And take that ridiculous thing off. - Make me."
Archer
"- Ow, stop it, cut it out, stop, ow! - Wait a minute."
Archer
"- Ow! - Gimme that."
Archer
"Okay, on my signal, I'm gonna draw his fire."
Archer
"You idiots make make a run for it, find Pam and A.J.,"
Archer
"and get them to safety before the rest of these"
Archer
"jerk-dicks get here."
Archer
"- What about Cheryl? - Who cares?"
Archer
"No, I'm genuinely asking."
Archer
"So while we're getting A.J. out of here, what're you gonna be doing?"
Archer
"Krieger, the HVAC ducts are still chock full of nerve gas, right?"
Archer
"- Wait, what? - Yeah, but..."
Archer
"But shut up, just get A.J. outta here, I'll take care of the rest."
Archer
"- Archer, that's... - Pretty heroic, I know."
Archer
"- I was gonna say overkill, but... - What're you, on their side?"
Archer
"That asshole threatened to hurt A.J.!"
Archer
"Although now that I think about it, this whole thing is totally her fault."
Archer
"What? As far as field operations are concerned,"
Archer
"she's a huge liability! Now shut up and wait for my signal."
Archer
"Reloading. I should probably stop saying that out loud."
Archer
"- Should we just go now? - I mean, yeah you should have,"
Archer
"but it's probably too late now, so..."
Archer
"Now! Aur kya?! Bakri-chowd sewer jinn!"
Archer
"Quit saying that!"
Archer
"We should've gone then, I bet."
Archer
"Aur kya?! Bakri-chowd ... oh!"
Archer
"Where do you think you're going?"
Archer
"Must..."
Archer
"protect... baby."
Archer
"What the...?"
Archer
"Not bad. I'm gonna give you a seven."
Archer
"- Wait, what? - Me, or him?"
Archer
"- No him, Slater said you were great. - Aww, he's sweet."
Archer
"You, I took off a point because Pam"
Archer
"was feeding A.J. Vienna sausages."
Archer
"Idiot! She's not on solid food yet."
Archer
"- They weren't solid. - The fact that you were"
Archer
"pre-chewing them and spitting them into her mouth..."
Archer
"What the hell is going on?"
Archer
"Shhhh. What is wrong with you?"
Archer
"- Well for starters, I got shot. Twice. - Where did you get a real gun?"
Archer
"My cousin. The one you gave me looked like, so fake,"
Archer
"and I thought a real one would help me get into the character better."
Archer
"Oh, give it a rest, James Lipton."
Archer
"- He's an actor?! - Well, mostly improv, but..."
Archer
"You set this whole thing up? You had me shot?"
Archer
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